Post # 1
My FI and I attend a church regularly and have a regular pastor. However, we are having a destination wedding and not getting married at the church. On top of that, our regular pastor passed away about two years ago and we don’t have much of a relationship with the new pastor. In fact, although he knows FI from a previous church, I doubt he even knows my name.
I don’t want to forego counselling altogether because I think it’s important to getting our marriage started on the right foot, I’m uncomfortable doing so with this new pastor. I realize he’s a pastor and he’s probably counselled hundreds of couples before us, but sharing your most intimate feelings with a virtual stranger freaks me out. I’d known our former pastor since I was a little girl and would have loved to have gone through counselling with him.
I guess my question is about what exactly is discussed? I just want to prepare myself for the inevitable feeling of being uncomfortable.
Post # 3
From money to if you want children to relgious views. It varies from church to church from religion to religion. Pretty much to get a sense the you are and your FI have a good handle on things in your relationship
Post # 4
our church had us take a 154 question test…we each had our own test and then they compared our answers. It covered everything from basically having a healthy relationship (communication, health, sex,ect) to our future and how many kids, finances, ect.
Post # 5
I was skeptical about the whole thing but I actually found it really helpful and interesting. The topics do span everything from finances to kids to basically what you think your married life together will be like. They are actually great topics to discuss with your SO and you will have a better understanding of each other after it. Unfortunately, I did witness two couples post pone their marriage because of the questions/responses. We were in a large group of about 60 couples and two did not finish but for good reason. During a break, one guy was outside the builiding talking with some other guys and clearly didn’t know that the window was open and their voices were carrying. He said “I can’t do this, I know I am making a huge mistake.” I give the other guys a lot of credit they gave him really good advice – why don’t you post pone the wedding then until you’re sure, etc. They were very supportive and encouraging. The future wife overheard and they dropped out. I hope that they ulitmately make the right decision for them but the topics and questions that you discuss at this are the kind of topics that couples should have open, honest conversations about and understand each other’s perspectives before entering into marriage. Good luck and enjoy it!
Post # 6
Arguing in a healthy way, sex, finances, trust etc…. typical topics discussed. It may all vary based on your leader or pastor. I think the most awkward question was ‘are you sexually active’? I would prepare myself to be asked that and talk about it with your fiance how to answer. Besides that nothing is really too awkward. 😉 OR shouldn’t be! I personally am not a fan of pastors asking questions only a gynocologist need ask in an intense examination!
Post # 7
We didn’t take a test. She just brought up a variety of topics from personality, to money, to career and life goals, to children to make sure we’d had all of these conversations. We told her how we felt about it all, and that was that. The only thing she really talked in depth about was the one conversation we hadn’t had – our future children’s racial identity, and racism (we live in the South). DH (white) really appreciated that, because I’d never brought it up.
Post # 8
I wasn’t once uncomfortable during our counseling, and we actually did it with a pastor who we didn’t have a previous relationship with. We talked about our upbringings, our families, how we met, what the journey of our relationship had been, why we wanted to get married, our faith, communication, finances, friends, etc.
Our pastor just wanted to make sure we’d talked about the things you should have talked about before getting married, and that we were moving forward together in our faith. It felt more like we were talking with a friend.