What exactly offends you about giving cash?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

We do the same thing – gift at shower, money at wedding. I like to do some sort of tangible gift that I can put a little something extra with for the shower. I feel like cash is just… cash, and you can’t really reflect the couples’ personality in that. 

Post # 4
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think it’s being offended that someone wants cash over a gift…it’s the audacity of that couple to dictacte what my gift should be to them. It’s a gift…so I should be able to decide what I want to give you, and I think it’s presumptuous for people to think it’s ok to tell me what I should give them.

We usually like to give a small gift with a card and a check inside at weddings. Most people in our circle also give cash…but again, totally their decision rather than the bride and groom dictating what they should give. Make sense?

Post # 5
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I usually give cash at weddings.  I don’t have any problem with giving it as a gift.  It is when people ASK for cash that I’m offended.  Then it doesn’t feel like a gift (which is freely given) as much as an admission charge.

Also, I think there is something sentimental about giving/receiving actual gifts.  I think some people like to give a present because they like the thought of the couple having a tangible reminder of them and their gift in their homes.  I know my parents still have wedding gifts (china, glassware, silver) that remind them of the people that gave them to them nearly 50 years later.  They take pleasure in looking at an item and remembering it was a wedding gift from Aunt Mary (who has been dead now many years).  I think a lot of people want to give tangible gifts for that reason.

Post # 6
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Personally I like getting gifts better than $ as long as its something from the registry. Because for me I’ll spend $ on something we need rather than something fun that would be nice to have. And the most important part is I LOVE opening presents!

Normally for weddings I give $ if I know thats what the couple wants.

Also like the PP I’m only offended when someone doesnt register because they want $ or write somewhere that they want $. If I ask i’m not offended but if they just come out and say it. Rude.

Post # 7
Member
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

I will never kick cold, hard cash out for eating crackers in bed. 

Post # 8
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can see where 2peasinapod is coming from. I’m not so much offended by the fact that they want cash, I’m more offended that more and more couples are putting that statement in their invitations, RSVP’s and shower invites.

Example, my mother organized our shower and since she knew we were not looking for any normal gifts she put a little line that basically said, “the couples want cash” (more eloquently, obviously) but when I got the invite I was floored. I was so embarrassed of what people would think of my “demands for cash only” but it was too late to do anything about it. 

Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just graduated from college, which is where all of my wedding experience has been. If someone asked for just money, I would have been very hard pressed to scrape together very much of it. I like giving gifts because I can put more effort into finding good deals on something that will be useful. I’m an expert sale-stalker and I don’t have a ton of money.

I can appreciate that someone would want cash from their wedding, but it puts people who are broke in a pretty awkward position. I really wouldn’t want to attend a wedding with just a $25 check.

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t have a problem giving cash, I take offense to the couple telling me that they want cash.  It just seems presumptuous.

Post # 12
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Hooo boy. This one’s going to be all fire and brimstone!

I think that it’s the being ASKED for cash that’s the problem for me.

1. I think that a gift should be something personal that reflects my relationship with the couple or symbolic of them starting out their relationship together. I’m old-fashioned that way. I like knowing that I helped them build their china collection and stuff. Now, I know that makes less and less sense with today’s registries which would have me buying like, towels, but that’s just how I feel.

2. Now THIS, I suspect is going to get me some flack, but here’s the issue with giving cash, specifically to peers (I may give cash to my peers children when I get older), as I see it: big things in people’s lives–a wedding, new home, honeymoon vacations, etc. are not my responsibilities to help pay for. It’s part of the reason I don’t like the logic of “oh, well we have all the stuff we need, so give us cash for our honeymoon/home repairs/down payment” because in my head it’s like, “stop buying so much stuff and you might have money for a vacation/home repairs/down payment.” I mean, part of getting married, in my view, is saying that the two people are adults. Well, adults have big responsibilities, like mortages and taxes, and travel, and student loans, and credit card debt etc. etc. and when you ask me to contribute cash, it’s like asking for me to help you pay for those things. It’s sort of similar in that I’m happy to give a baby gift but it’s not my responsibility to help pay for the kid to go to college.

I also don’t like the idea of giving cash at a wedding because it also suggests in a way that I’m offsetting the cost of the wedding. And again, to me, it’s like, why would I pay you to hang out at your wedding?

So I recognize that I’m fuddy-duddy and not many other people feel this way. I’m not advocating my perspective is perfect or should be a model for everyone at all. If you want to give cash, give cash. If you want to get cash and you don’t mind that there are people in the world who might feel like me, then go ahead and request it. But you asked, and there’s my answer.

Post # 13
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally, I would never be offended by receiving a cash-only gift. 

However, I might be slightly put off if a couple requested cash-only gifts. In general I think it’s expected that a couple will receive a mix of cash and tangible gifts, if not mostly cash gifts. Let’s face it- it is easier on people to just run to the ATM or to write a check than it is to hunt down that thing off your registry. For lots of people, this has become a norm. 

But if a couple dictated that they didn’t want tangible gifts at all (I’ve heard of couples even setting up a “donations” website of sorts where guests can give them money gifts through paypal) then it is certainly going to start to look like they’re begging for money. 

Receiving a cash gift and asking for a cash gift are totally different. The point is to allow the gift giver to make their own decision on how to give you a gift. 

Post # 14
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Receiving a cashift isn’t offensive but it is really impersonal.  Like, come on, you couldn’t spend 5 minute online on the registry to choose something that you think we’d find useful?

Also it is, simple put, just rude to request/ask for cash as you should not tell someone what to give you.  Whether asked or not, I never give cash as a gift because:

A) it is super impersonal and I’m old fashioned in that I like to think that the couple will think of me every time they use whatever item I buy them.  You don’t get that with cash.

B) like JennyW1, it makes me feel as if I’m funding their wedding / honeymoon and IMO if you are adult enough to be married, you are adult enough to budget and save to pay for your own vacations.  That isn’t my responsibility as your guest.

Post # 15
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am a person that HATES clutter, knicknacks, and things that just sit there! And I guess I am pretty picky, so if you just pick something out of the blue to give to me I probably won’t keep it. I am the person that will give away gifts I recieve or donate them if I can not use them, I appreciate the gesture but I think it was a waste of thier money to me, IMO. That being said I almost always give a cash gift for a wedding so I know (or atleast I think) my money has not gone to waste. But if the couple set up a “donation” website only with no other option, I would be put off and not donate. I don’t think that is appropriate.

I will say I was really looking forward to some of the items on our registry, but the more people I talk to they are suprised we have one. We have been together for 6 years and bought a house togehter a lttle over a year ago, so people assume we don’t need anything. That upset me, because I love the traditional aspects of some wedding gifts, like china. I put mostly really low cost things on ours (including china) that we could really use. I put a lot of thought into it because as I stated above if I can’t use it I won’t keep it. It really hurt my feelings.

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I do give cash at weddings and it doesnt offend me to do so but it does offend me when people actually ASK for cash. People arent supposed to ask for gifts either.  By definition a gift should be given freely and not in response to a demand for it. I think its offensive to ask for cash because thats almost like asking people to chip in to pay for your wedding, which is in bad taste.

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