Post # 1
This is a bit of a spin off from another similar post. I saw a lot of people respond that they have a “set” amount that they usually give for weddings. My wedding experience has been very minimal (as in, I’ve attended only 2 weddings as an adult), but my friends are at the age where marriages are starting to happen for everyone this summer!
Do you have a ‘set’ amount that you give/spend on a wedding gift? Or do other factors regarding the couple, circumstances, your relationship with the couple, etc. come into play?
I am still in graduate school and money is tight for me. As a result, in the past and for upcoming weddings, I don’t have a set amount that I gave/plan to give. To me one of the most important factors is the couple’s circumstance. If they are a couple just starting out on their own, maybe still struggling, I am more inclined to give a bigger gift. If they already live together, had their parents pay for the entire wedding, I would tend to give a smaller gift.
I hope that doesn’t sound terrible… I just get a little irked by the thought of people making bank off a wedding.
Post # 3
I have a usual amount of $100 but if I am close to the couple then I change it accordingly. It is tough because it also depends on how we are doing with money at the time
Post # 4
We base the amount that we give on our relationship with the couple, and that’s about it. It doesn’t matter to me who pays for the wedding–I have no problem with couples “making a profit” off the wedding, since I doubt that that’s their mindset going into it!
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
I’ve been to a handful of weddings as an adult as well, and it depends on my relationship to the couple, not necessarily where they were at financially. I budget $50-$100 since that’s what I can afford.
Post # 6
It depends on the couple, definitely. But it also depends on what’s going on in my life. I wish I could be generous to everyone, but if someone’s wedding is close to something else that required significant funneling of my disposable income, I’m probably going to give a less generous gift. I will prioritize the gift more if I am close to the couple, but no matter how close, we can only spend so much.
Also, it doesn’t matter to me who paid for the wedding or if they live together. I’m giving them a gift as my friends/family. I don’t evaluate a Christmas present based on how well they did in a job that year or anything tangible economic benefit like that. It undermines the meaning of a “gift” to me.
Post # 7
1) what I can afford
2) If I am bringing a guest
3) How close I am to the couple
I don’t consider people making bank lol
Post # 8
My ‘standard’ gift is around $100 (+/- 20) and double that for closer friends (when I can afford it). And, by ‘closer’, I mean ones I’d be in their wedding party or similar.
Post # 9
I generally only take two factors into consideration…1. my/our relationship with the couple. and 2. did we encure any travel expenses (as in destination weddings).
Post # 10
It really depends.
I would say going as a couple our minimum now is $200 where we live which is Upstate NY. Even when we were poor college students we gave $150 as a couple.
If it was a friend wedding in NYC that amount will likely bump to $300.
Very close friends of ours had a small vow ceremony and dinner when they got married a month before us. Our wedding gift to them was a photographer for the day.
When it’s my side of the family there is a whole ‘nother system in place due to the very different going rate in Chinese cultures. ie My cousin (on mom’s side) got married over the holidays and even though we did not go the “gift” was $1500. Because that’s what his parents gave us when we got married. It’s such a different system!
Post # 11
@Amaryllis: I see what you’re saying, and for a close friend I would say the exact same thing. In cases where I have been/am invited more out of a courtesy than a friendship, though, I tend to give gifts more out of an obligation than anything else. I guess since I am on a budget, I try to be more concious of where my money is going, and I would rather it go to a good friend who is struggling than to an acquaintance who already has a home, isn’t paying for any part of the wedding, etc. I guess that is a very hypothetical gift hierarchy though 🙂
Post # 12
I should also point out that by “smaller” gift, I don’t mean $5 and a scratch off! lol. I mean, say, $100 compared to $200. But as others have said, it really all comes down to how much $$ I have to give at the time.
@Gerbera: Amazing how enormous cultural differences over things as seemingly ‘standard’ as gift giving can be! Very interesting though. I’ve never been to a Chinese wedding… I guess that’s a good thing because I could not afford a $1500 wedding gift in a million years! lol
Post # 13
It definitely depends on the couple, our relationship, and our current financial situation. When I was still in school I generally gave $50 because that was a lot of money to me and I really couldn’t afford to do more. Now that I’m out… I think $100 is more like my baseline. I would probably give less if I didn’t know the couple very well or if they were someone who gave us less at our wedding (not to “get back” at them, but I just feel like I don’t want to look like a show-off giving more than they did). I give more if I’m particularly close to someone and we have it.
Post # 14
It’s crazy isn’t it! When I told my husband (he’s German/Irish) how much we were gifting his eyes bugged out! But I explained that that is how much his parents gave us even though they are in China and did not come to our wedding!
We don’t have the $$ either so that’s why it’s like a loan what we got at our wedding. Because then that amount in turn was gifted to my aunt’s son!
Post # 15
We usually give $100 to the couple but if it’s a close friend, we wil give more.
Post # 16
I haven’t actually been to a wedding where I had to bring a gift….*gasp*. I’ve always went with my mom, so we brought a gift from the family (a nice, fairly expensive one…no worries). In terms of my family, there is a pretty set amount for each wedding because most of my family is short on cash.
FI’s fam- on the other hand- definitely gives more for family members or close friends.