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We knew each other for many years before we started dating, and I only didn't pursue my early crush on him due to perceived lack of interest (though it turns out he was totally interested and instead just extremely shy). I think what attracted me initially was how easy going and genuinely friendly/outgoing he is (which is part of why I'd never have guessed the shy thing). I know that might sound a little generic, but it's a little more specific. Basically everyone who's ever met him really likes him, and I think it's b/c he has that sort of intangible quality that someone who is just genuinely and thoroughly a good and caring person exudes. I don't think I'd ever met someone who is also so super smart and successful that has that quality...so couple that with the fact that we share tons of other interests (hiking, climbing, airplanes, mountains, water...yeah, I know, one is not like the others) and you can see how I got hooked:)
The downside is that he's extremely non-confrontational which can make it very difficult to work out problems b/c he would rather not go through the uncomfortableness of expressing negative feelings. One good thing about htis (I come from a family that says everything) is that it's taught me how to express negative feelings in a much more constructive way.
What initially attracted me was his absolute sweetness & kindness to people he encounters, whether it's his family, a server in a restaurant, someone who's car is brokedown on the side of the road, or a homeless person looking for some change (whom he will promptly hand at least a $5.00 bill).
I still adore this kind, positive outlook he has about others, and although for a while, I used to be alarmed to see him hand out help (money or otherwise) to a complete stranger, I now find myself being more "in that positive light" & more willing to help others too.
We new eachother in passing from work but we both were in a relationship when he started and other then saying hello or what's up, we didn't really talk.
Then the moment that I know was ment to be happened and a bunch of us from work went out to happy hour and by the end of the evening it was him, another co-worker and me hanging out, taking, laughing.
He was so attentive and funny. Very respectful, which I really loved. He made me laugh non-stop and yet he was able to talk about interesting things.
Now that we have been together for going on three years he still makes me laugh and he still is attentive and funny.
Well, I was initially attracted to him because he has red hair and green eyes. I'd say that's the reason we initially began talking. Obviously I found lots of other things to like but I looooved his hair right off the bat.
Initially, yes, it was appearance. But, we also were both in same (high school!) choir, so we had a common interest in -- and passion for -- music we could build upon.
We had an absolutely hilarious conversation together the night we first met. I had actually had my eye on another guy that night so wasn't really thinking about him intially as a potential. But later on when I saw my now FI chatting up some other girls I got wicked jealous, remembered how funny he was, and jumped back in there! He was so fun and easy to talk to and we just clicked immediately. We were inseperable the rest of the night.
... It didn't hurt that he was super cute and had curlyish salt and pepper hair and beautiful green eyes either :)
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I was automatically attracted to his smile physically and more so his sense of personality! He was so funny, always smiling and laughing with other people! He still makes me laugh at the silliest things today! I love it!
I loved his intelligence. This is still very good because he uses it to impress the hell out of his bosses and get ahead. Sometimes, however, it makes me feel a little less intelligent!
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I could always sense his gentle spirit. He's a tough guy on the outside (hunts, drives a pickup truck, owns a motorcycle), but on the inside, he's a big softie. :) Just what a girl like me has always needed.
On the other hand, him being a "feeler" rather than a "thinker" (In the Myers-Briggs personality-type sense) -- just like me -- means that we can get in fights rather easily if one of us says something that inadvertently hurts the other. I just try to be careful to tell him calmly that he's hurt me when this happens and he immediately responds with concern rather than getting mad that I'm acting irrationally. He's slowly learning to do the same. It's hard though, because I don't think he's spent as much time analyzing his own gut-level reactions as I have my own.
well, we met online, so I will admit I am somewhat superficial and was attracted to him because he has GORGEOUS eyes. Once I met him however, I admire his strength and "fight". He truly is my hero in many ways and I am sooooo blessed to have met him and still cannot believe I get to be his wife...
I saw him at the end of the table at a dinner party and had to talk to him. After we started talking I didn't talk to anyone else the whole night. He was just the most incredible person and still is. I'm amaze everyday that he choose me to be his wife.
personality wise it was his intelligence and that he was so well spoken, but the VERY first thing was definitely his curly hair and blue eyes!
I loved his confidence and how fun he was to spend time with!
When I met him he was kind of a fun-party-type kinda guy and after 10 min of knowing him I said "One day you will meet someone that will change you and you will settle down with her!" and he said no way! Later while were dancing he said "Don't go falling in love with me now!" It was so arrogant and cocky but who knew that both of what we said that night would come true!
When I firsst met FI, he was playing the guitar and that was enough for me to swoon. Keep in mind, I had just graduated from high school and 'musicians' always seem to be 'in' when you've just turned 18.
But, regardless, his talent really really impressed me and I just wanted to know more.
Initially it was his determination. He makes decisions and sticks with them. When he really wants something, he goes after it. I loved that about him.
Personality wise, it was very obvious right away that he was extremely family oriented--which also means to me that he's loyal, sentimental, and loving. After only a few weeks of knowing him, he pulled out his family/baby photo album one day and started telling me about all the pictures and stories behind them. He pretty much had me right there.
It's those same qualities that I still love to this day. He's a manly man but he's so close to his family and he'd do anything for the ones he loves.
Seriously, I don't even know, initially. It was like I was being pulled to him in a tractor beam, like an alien abduction - I swear. I can blame it on chemistry, fate, whatever. All I know is, I had no choice. He felt the exact same way.
Sure, he looked great with his warm brown eyes and perfect smile and muscular build, but he was so gentlemanly from the moment he began to speak to me. It was clear that he was balanced, gentle, positive, kind, well-spoken, intelligent, honest, respectful, romantic, quirky, had a good sense of humor...there was just a lot about his attitude that was so attractive to me! The fact that we have a lot of common interests, and similar political/religious beliefs, made for fantastic conversation.
I guess what it boils down to is that I felt I could trust him and talk to him about anything. We've both said that we're the first people we ever wanted to talk with on the phone. Who would've thought that quiet ole me would find someone they could chat with for four hours at a time? The communication is still fabulous, and it doesn't grow old. <3 him.
What I can't quite understand is his acceptance and leniency with people who are close to him. He let his ex walk all over him, and was still nice enough to clean up after her. That sort of thing would earn a lifetime grudge from me.
I think the very first thing that I noticed was that he was very open-minded. Like seriously, so non-judgment. That meant a lot to me because it is a quality that I really struggle with. Once I got to know him a little bit better, I was really attracted to how matter-of-fact he was about his feelings for me. I had been in relationships with guys who were so wishy/washy and seemed to play games and whatnot. He was different. He liked me he told me. He loved me he told me. It was a kind of comforting devotion I'd never felt before. It is still something I so appreciate. He is definitely the first guy who I am confident will never (intentionally or negligently) hurt me. He's just.... awesome. :)
my therapist told us this happens all the time. What initially attracts us to a person then becomes what we hate most about them over time!
he was always helping people. i remember that anytime people had a problem they came to him and he fixed it. i love that about him. i even called him captain save em! that was way before i even met him (we met on the net) i think i admired that about him and the way that he could make me feel better no matter how sad i am or felt. now it's still one of my favorite things and i think i'm so lucky because i get to save him sometimes... sigh i love him so much
My FI's compassion. He was always been really sweet. Sometimes it gets old because I'll wait up late for him to come home from work, just to get a text saying someone needs a ride home. I can never say it's a horrible thing, though. Withough compassion he wouldn't be who he is.
His energy- he was just gogogo constantly, could stay up late, go out whenever, run around all over, never get tired! I was really relaxed, chill, reserved, so he was an interesting change. He brought out a different side of me! The only part about it that irritates me now is how late he'll stay up- he's kind of an insomniac/ADHD. On a funny note, one of the first thoughts I remember popping into my head was OMG his head is HUUUUGEE! hah, he had huge blond hair at the time and a fat head, so :P
His humor. Hands down his humor. He can make me laugh harder and more frequently than anyone else on the planet. He is gentle and firm all at once. He has the unique ability to stand up to me and my very strong personality, but manages to to do it with tact, softness and strength. Now, almost 5 years later, he makes me laugh every day. There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me smile, feel loved, feel respected and mostly cherished. I can't handle the ultra-goopy, sappy, uber romantic kind of guys so when I found someone masculine, funny, strong and sweet - I knew I was sold. Did i mention he's adorable? Piercing green eyes, dark brown hair. amazing.
Interesting, DG. On our honeymoon, we read this book: Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship. One of the exercises is recognizing the qualities our partners have and how those qualities can be perceived as either a positive or a negative. I'll give an example from my relationship: My husband is very physically affectionate. He is always touching me, holding my hand, kissing me, asking me to cuddle, etc... I love that he finds me so attractive, and that he always wants to be (literally) close and connected to me. However, it's drives me crazy that I can be on the opposite end of the house from him doing something totally independent and he'll come up to cuddle or kiss. I don't a massage while I'm doing the dishes! :) I love his affection, but sometimes I see it as a real negative that he can't keep his hands off of me.
Anyway, the point of the exercise is that all characteristics can be interpreted as either positive or negative. Sometimes the things we find most annoying or infuriating about our partner are the very qualities that made us fall in love with them. So then, the idea is not to change your partner or your partner's personality. (Anyway, you don't really have control over another person.) The idea is to change your perceptions. In my case, instead of thinking, "Get your hands off of me! I don't need you to touch me right now!", I would think "Wow, he must really love me. He came all the way up from downstairs and stopped what he was doing just to give me a hug. How fortunate am I to have a husband who wants me so much he needs to be in physical contact with me all the time." I thought it was a really interesting concept, and it works (most of the time) for me. :)
His laugh. I can clearly remember the day I met him- I lived and worked at a vet clinic he was interviewing at. I stopped by on my day off to pick up my mail and heard that laugh. I also remember how brown his eyes were and that he was in a suit for the interview. Months later after becoming hiking buddies, his easy going nature and sense of adventure closed the deal for me.
Sense of humor, period. That was the number one thing that hooked me from the beginning, he's so so so funny.
I knew my FI for about 3 years before we started dating, but didn't know him well enough to say I really "knew" him. So, when we first started dating, we were really getting to know eachother. On our second date, I expected him to kiss me. He was on leave from Iraq and I wouldn't be seeing him again for 10 months. So, I thought, "this guy is heading back to Iraq and won't see me for 10 months, ofcourse he's going to kiss me." It was so cute because at the end of the date, I could tell he wanted to, but wouldn't. Normally, I would take things into my own hands, but this time I held back. After he went back to Iraq, I was talking with his little sister (the one who set us up) and she mentioned that he had wanted to kiss, me but "wanted to respect me and not rush me." Ahhh... Several months later, he told me that he had known from our first date that I was "the one" and didn't want to risk losing me, and was afraid if he made a move too quick, I would assume he was like every other guy. I've been a sucker for him every since. lol
This may sound odd but here's the story. We actually worked in the same building, same company and all that but it's a big place and I somehow never managed to notice him (He noticed me though.) Well one night my sister (who also worked there) wanted to go out with some people from work and she invited me, well one of those people were my now fiance. Well he was running late and we were at our local mexican restaurant (It's one of my favorite restaurants) and he called my sis and told her to go ahead and order for him, he said he didn't care what. So I ordered him my favorite dish (it's seriously amazing) and he showed up and well first I knew right away he was cool (my sister usually hangs out with people who..aren't lol) and then he loved the dish I picked out (now he gets it every time we go there.)
He loved the dish I picked out for him....I knew him...before I met him. :)
Oh and then he was really funny, and after dinner we all went and saw Knocked Up and the married guy was wearing a Tom Waits shirt in one scene and he knew who Tom Waits was...that was like an "Omg" moment for me. :)
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Beekeeper
What first attracted you to your significant other... I'm not talking so much about the looks, but rather, what quality do they possess that really attracted you to them?
How do you feel about that quality now? Is it still one of the things that you are crazy for or does it bring up other issues.
I'll give you an example from my own life. I was incredibly attracted to my fiance's steadiness. He never got too high or too low, and he never faltered (both in his interest to me and his commitment to keeping his word with other people around him). That quality was SO compelling to me, because I hadn't really found that in a guy I'd dated before.
Now, however, I see that this quality has a slight unintended downside... Though he is very loving, he has a predictable quality that is endearing, but sometimes lacks spontaneity.
I just wondered if other people's experience was similar-- the things that are most attractive usually come at a price (though luckily the price is usually small)!