- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I have been thinking this over for a few weeks now and still don’t understand how someone I thought was one of my closest friends could just pick up and leave my wedding without telling me or my new husband, especially when she was part of the bridal party.
This friendship seems to have been rocky since my bacholorette… my two girls organized it and I was having a wonderful time until we went to a place that I didn’t feel comfortable at (all the venues they chose were a surprise). Also, of all the other girls I asked them to invite, no one showed. Instead of talking me through my disappointment both girls got upset with me, telling me I was not grateful enough for all the effort they put into the night. I had not thought that was the case as I was telling them how much I appreciated their company and time and effort they put into the night. That evening later spirled into them telling me that I am not asking them for enough help and them apparently feeling left out. I didn’t want to overwhelm them with certain small details and I thought that it would be too much for their busy schedules. I gave them each some details to take care of 1 month before my wedding and they both came through. I thought things were going well and we were all communicating well.
Leading up to the wedding I had involved them in my gown search and had them chose what dresses they wanted (and paid for them). We found my dress and their dresses on the same day! The only items I asked them to buy was their shoes and to pay for either their hair or makeup and any alterations they needed for their dresses. I covered their hair, bought them jewlery and matching purses for their dresses.
Other than the small expense I asked if they were comfortable taking on, all I expected and wanted was their support and presence throughout the day of my wedding and this is where the disappointment really began. In the morning things started running late because part of the group going to get their hair/makeup done arrived late… when we finally got home (still running behind schedule) no one felt any urgency to get dressed and help me with my gown. My MH didn’t really take charge like I thought she would (and has in the past with other events) and she and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man seemed like they were more concerned with how their personal items are going to be transported to the various wedding locations and the touch up of their hair and makeup. When I finally got someone to help me into my dress (as my photographer stressed now there wasn’t enough time to take bridal shots)… then it came down to my veil and how to put it on, no one thought to ask how to do that (it was too large to take to the salon) my MH has been in a handful of weddings this year alone and she said she didn’t know how to do it!. So after many tries and minutes wasted, and hair almost ruined it was in and now I was more stressed then ever. I did not think the morning of my wedding would go down like this. The thought I hated the most was that my poor groom was waiting for me and it was somehow my fault that he had all that anxiety for longer than planned. I hated that feeling.
it wasn’t until I sat in the car with my father that I finally calmed down and he reassured me that everything will be alright. And it was… we had a lovely ceremony and everyone was happy.
We went to a local park to take photos and my groom and I arrived early so we started taking photos. For some reason the limo with the bridal party was late, but even after they arrived I barely saw them… there was no one to help me with my dress which was pretty trashed from all the mud and water as it had rained. One of my groom’s family members was kind enough to notice my struggles with my dress and she helped me walk around.
Following the park we went to the reception and things were going well until we were about half way through the night, I went up to my bridesmaid and she greets me with an angry face telling me about how there was a mix up with her bag and its still with my parents at the hotel. I told her i was sorry to hear that… but in my mind i’m thinking is this the time to bring this up? In the middle of my wedding reception? Has all the careful planning to make sure all our guests including our bridal party gone to waste on her because she didn’t have her bag? Later on I noticed that my bridesmaid was gone… I asked my MH where she was and she said she didn’t know. My father then came up to me and told me that my Bridesmaid or Best Man came up to him and demanded to get her bag back as soon as possible. My father gave her his keys and apparently she and her hubby went to get her bag. Assuming of course she would return to the wedding as it was still early.
Then not soon after hearing this from my father, my MH comes up to me and tells me her date is tired (and her ride home) and she wants to leave. The night was far from over so I told her, well I’m sorry to hear that but I need you. The rest of the night she made it very clear she didn’t want to be there. She didn’t circulate, sat at a table with her date and helped with a few things before leaving.
After the night was done, the Bridesmaid or Best Man sends me a ‘sorry I had to leave I was exhausted text message’. I replied back and told her I was upset and that she had me genuinely concerned because no one knew where she was and that her leaving without saying goodbye to me or my husband was very hurtful. I have not heard back since…
Are these the actions of true friends? I am hurt, angry and I don’t know how to approach this with both of them. Strangers have treated me with more care and respect than what I got from them. The groomsmen were outstanding and helped until we left ourselves.
Frustrated and confused newlywed.