(Closed) What gives…my Bridesmaid ditched my reception early

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@NewBride20:  I’m sorry your upset and confused, I read everything and what I really think tore the entire night the shreds was the moment that your MH came up to you, said her date and ride was tired and needed to leave as well as the fact that she was tired and ready to leave also and you said you needed her to stay….for what exactly? 

Her obligations had been fulfilled and unless there was some other dire reason, other than the fact that you felt she should WANT to stay, well, that was a little selfish on your part.  I can see why she left without saying a word, I certainly would have as well. 

You have no right to dictate your guests coming and going from your reception, at that point you go from being the bride, to the hostess, and a hostess’ primary concern is the comfort of her guests, even if that entails them leaving early.

Post # 4
11172 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

My cousin had to leave our wedding early because her new Darling Husband had to work the next day. They drove literally all night to get home in time for him to rest and to make it to work on time.

Was I bummed that they had to leave early? Absolutely. I also wish they would have mentioned it previously instead of throwing it on me during all the craziness at the reception. However, she had fulfilled her duties as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and there wasn’t any reason that my selfish desire to have her there should outweigh their need to get home. I appreciate the fact that they stayed as long as they did.

I understand OP that you wanted your bridal party there as long as possible but to be honest they did what they needed to do for the day and had the right to leave. Yes it is a bummer but it certainly doesn’t imply anything more than they were tired. Weddings are stressful and exhausting for everyone involved.

Post # 6
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Maid/Matron of Honor left my reception early (ok, not super early, but before everyone else), because she said she was tired.  I was hurt, because out of everyone, I thought she would have been one of the last, if not the last person there. That being said, I knew she did a lot for me in the months leading up to the wedding, and it was up to her when she wanted to leave. 

In the end, I’m more sad for her, since she missed out on some awesome memories – an unplanned last song group dance with the last few stragglers and the rest of the bridal party and just the group chat we all had after that.  Those were some of my favourite moments of the day, and I’m sad for her that she missed out on it. 

Post # 7
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

It sounds like your expectations from the bridal party and their expectations differed. They wanted to help you ahead of time with preparations and you wanted their help on the actual day of. I personally have never heard of a bridal party “hosting” the reception and making sure your guests are happy and having a good time but perhaps that is what occurs in your social circle. When I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the past I have helped with dress shopping, DIY, showers, parties, and then cut loose at the reception. I would have a talk with your Bridesmaid or Best Man and try to find out what issues they were having the day of your wedding (it does sound like they were upset about something, although I have no idea what) and let them know how upset you were that they left early. 

They are your best friends for a reason. My advice would be to try and repair the friendships if you can.

Post # 9
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

She told you she and her date were tired. They stayed as you required. Why should they be happy about it? The bridal party are your friends, not servants who must help you throughout the day. Perhaps you would have been better off with a day of coordinator.

Post # 11
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s a long day — I’m sure she was exhausted!  One of my BM’s was asleep in the hotel at 10:40, another was in sweatpants and ready to go home right about the same time, and another was crying and fighting with her husband and wanted to leave at 10pm.  Only one made it to the casino afterparty with us, which I regretted organizing, because at that point I just wanted to eat leftovers and go to sleep.

I’m sorry that nobody helped with your dress or your veil, but unless you asked “Hey, can you help me with my dress?” or “The salon isn’t going to put my veil on, could you help me out?” I don’t know how you could expect them to know that they needed to be of assistance with that sort of thing – it’s a bit fair to expect them to anticipate that sort of thing.  The photos of giddy bridesmaids helping the bride into her dress?  They’re poses.

If you don’t want to be friends with what might have been your closest friends before the wedding, then figure out if you’re using the wedding as an excuse or if you think they’re really just crappy friends. 

Post # 12
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

take a moment and show some compassion. 

I understand that you were focused on your husband and self for the day but you cannot be possibly angry at someone who wanted to leave early, no matter if it is a bridesmaid or not. Also there is no YOUR in bridesmaid, you do not have ownership.

Post # 13
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

One of my sorority sisters who was a bridesmaid left right after she was announced at my first wedding. Shee had been drinking the entire day before and had a hangover. I never evne knew she left until it was time for pictures. She never said a word to me. She was feeling well enough later because  she was out a bar. I had a horrible migraine at her wedding at stayed till the end and had to go to the ER afterwards. I never spoke to her again.

None of my BM’s were there to help me get ready, but my mom was there so that’s fine. My Maid/Matron of Honor (I’m only having one attendant this time) won’t be there to help me get ready this time, but that’s what moms are for. Smile


Post # 14
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@NewBride20:  I disagree that the wedding party share a role to entertaining guest. It’s not their wedding it’s yours. I don’t think you should be mad that she had to leave early.

Post # 15
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@NewBride20:  Well, I understand that a lot of bridal party members do elect to go above and beyond the call of duty, but at the end of the day, they certainly don’t have to.

I’m so sorry that this cast a pale over your reception, I certainly hope their absence doesn’t continue to bother your or tarnish the memory.  I think a lot of people have expectations of themselves for an event or occasion and when they finally get there, just cannot live up to that idea….it’s best that they left if they were tired, lest they distract your guests or you from the joy and happiness of the day.

Feel better and focus on the good things!

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