Post # 1
My fiance and I are interfaith (he is Jewish and I am Christian) and he’s no help when it comes to wedding details, having never even been to one himself. As it seems is well known around here, there really aren’t any Christian traditions when it comes to the wedding ceremony and I expect the ceremony will be heavily Jewish. So, what goes into a Jewish wedding ceremony? (I’m familiar with bedeken, ketubah, chuppah, breaking the glass, yichud, and sheva brachot, but not where they play into the ceremony–I might also be missing something major) What order do they happen in, and how much time is given to each? (For example, does the bedeken or signing of the ketubah happen first, is the bedeken a short thing or is it drawn out) Have you been to an interfaith ceremony–if so, what did they do differently?
Thanks! (I’d ask in interfaith, but I’m sure I’ll get more/better responses here)
Post # 3
I suppose a caveat to this would be, what is it actually like to go through each part of the ceremony? Having imagined a Christian groom and ceremony, I knew what to expect from that ceremony, but I definitely haven’t imagined nor do I even have a clue what it will feel like to go through a (primarily) Jewish ceremony.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I posted pretty in depth about my Jewish ceremony on the blog – feel free to peek through and I would be happy to answer any questions that you have – I included my ceremony wording in the blog posts, so hopefully that will help – I am starting with the tisch and bedeken, and then it goes through the ceremony (and reception). Please feel free to PM me if you have any other questions!
L’Chaim is for Lovers: It’s All Happening
Post # 5
This is probably more of an “interfaith” board-worthy response, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that your ceremony HAS to feel heavily Jewish, even though I think there is often a lot of pressure on interfaith weddings to include all of the specifically Jewish elements and none of the specifically Christian elements (i.e., that mention Jesus). There are certainly a lot of beautiful Jewish traditions, but you don’t have to include all of them – and there are a lot of beautiful elements to Christian weddings, as well! Do you want to incorporate Christian elements but don’t know how to, or are you happy to have a very Jewish-feeling ceremony? What you can do and the balance/feel of the ceremony will also depend very much on who is officiating – will you have a rabbi, a minister, both or neither?
This may be better suited for a separate thread, but happy to provide suggestions on crafting a more balanced ceremony, if that is what you want. If not, straight Jewish ceremonies are certainly very beautiful and meaningful – as long as it will feel that way to YOU!
Post # 6
Check out The New Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant. It’s like Jewish Weddings for Dummies. NOT calling you a dummy lol. Just saying she’s fantastic at explaining things. And there’s a LOT to explain, which is why I’m giving you her name instead of trying to go through everything in one post.
That being said, you’re having an interfaith ceremony, so I would each bring to the table the traditions that are important to you. The ceremony is neither strictly Jewish OR Christian…it’s both. So just choose what you both like the best!
Post # 7
My hubs and I are interfaith, too (I am Catholic, he is Jewish). I highly recommend “Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony” by Rabbi Devon Lerner. This book is AWESOME, and was an invaluable resource to us in planning our wedding ceremony. I got it on Amazon for like 12 bucks.
Post # 8
I appreciate all of these replies. It’s going to take me a week alone to get through hermitcrab’s blog, but I can already tell that there are many, many more traditions explained in it than on most Jewish websites.
There really isn’t anything (religious/culture/otherwise) that goes into a Christian wedding that comes to mind as being necessary… some of it is even very tacky, IMO. One idea I’ve had is to incorporate a few hymns that everyone would feel comfortable singing together. Beyond that my brain is kind of empty and void of inspiration. I also think that incorporating more Jewish elements might make my future-MIL happy enough that she won’t be bitter about other elements of the wedding (like having it in my hometown rather than his and having a fiesta reception…. mariachi bands playing hava nagilah are very cool)