Post # 1
For the bees, that have been to therapy, what happens during the sessions? I’ve never been and I would like to get a realistic idea of what happens at couples’ therapy. Is it a vent session? Are solutions proposed? Advice given?
How long before you noticed an improvement? Is the therapist a mediator of sorts? I’m really interested in others’ experiences.
Post # 3
We have had one session. I have been diagnosed with depression and my Fiance urged me to seek help for myself as well as us together. I had several sessions with my counsellor before our couples session and she basically helped mediate our issues. She helped explain to Fiance what i was going through and what he was unknowingly doing to make it worse. She basically helped explain things in a non confrontational manner and helped us have a more open discussion. She gave us some exercises and really tried to show us both that we do have a deep love for each other, we just need to learn a different way of communicating.
We have only had the one session but he said it opened his eyes drastically to what was going on with me, and how he needed to support me without judgement.
Post # 5
I am currently in couples counseling-I broke off our engagement due to some issues- and he decided to get help bc he realized he didn’t want to loose what we had. I will say that couples counseling is working wonders we have been to 4sessions and we had to separate ones so that we could talk without the other person there so she could feel out where we were then came together both talked about the issues and she lets both of us talk then pick an issue and each person describes how they feel, she asks if we understand & then gives advice, talks it out with us and asks us how we should handle something etc. I think it helps with talking issues out knowing you won’t fight over it and then it’s also good for the other person to hear what is being said then advice given….I would recommend this to any couple! In such a little time I feel much more calm and have hope we can change this for the better! Sometimes she gives us “homework” and then the nxt session we discuss how it worked or if it didn’t and how we need to change it. It has opened his eyes big time!
Post # 6
@missyhh07: wow, your situation is similar to mine/ours. We are going to our first session in two weeks and I’m not sure what to expect either. We have a great relationship but it seems we have some issues under the surface that we need to hash out.This makes me super hopeful though so thanks for sharing this.
Post # 7
My past experience with it has been very beneficial. First, we met with her seperately, so should could get a background on each of our lives. Then, we met with her together – multiple times.
I think before I explain my situation, it is important to know WHY you sought counseling in the first place. For us, we were both dealing with a lot personally (which by default meant a lot for our relationship) – my mother being terminally ill, and his mental illness, and so although we were not having problems per se, we both wanted to be proactive in how we dealt with our problems vs how it affected our relationship.
Where my SO internalized a lot, I externalized everything…etc, etc.
So for us, couples counseling was a forum to vocalize our concerns with a professional, whom was unbiased (i.e., not friends or family), and then in return she would ask us very thought provoking questions to add further insight to what we were saying. And then, she would offer ideas to healthily deal with these differences, etc.
We were not there looking for our problems to be ‘solved’, but she definitely shed light on issues that may arise if we did not learn to communicate more effectively.
I definitely recommend it for the best of couples, and those that need a little help 🙂
Post # 8
I never thought I would be in this situation but as I’m going through it, it is normal(I thought it wasn’t normal ) to explain a little more of our issues were his anger-calling names etc, i didn’t feel like he was helping with the wedding and a couple other things that are all normal. After 3sessions- 1st one together , 2nd just him, 3rd both of us we have already gotten to the bottom of his anger issue and now he is learning ways to realize when he “ready to fly off te handle” and com change that and how to control it(I dont scream and yell)… I’m not peeither it he was the one that had most of the issues and I left one time before but this time I had had it, I was done , the thought of him just annoyed me and I wasn’t sure if we could get back to where wwe were ….but then after a few days he was calling and txting and ssaying he was getting counseling, he was going to change etc. I didn’t move back like last time bc I wanted him to realize I was serious this was big(we were/are 7months away from our wedding ) and he realized this time that I wasn’t running back,that I was mad and hurt…do many things gave come out of counseling(good things, the things that werent working-changing to good) it is really amazing how it can change a relationship! Especially as for me when I thought I would never look back…it has also helped our communication for him better listening skills letting me tlk and not jumping and for me to tlk that know that he’s not going to jump that he’s leatoning to listen etc. you can pm if you want and I can update you on our counseling sessions….keep us updated!
Post # 9
We are currently going to couples counseling. We had tried one therapist who neither one of us liked ~ Darling Husband felt the guy was condescending, so we looked for someone new and are very happy with who we’re seeing. If you go and it doesn’t feel like you are compatible with the therapist, don’t hesitate to look for someone who is a better fit for you as a couple. We’ve gone several times due to a lot of stress in the past six months, as well as my insecurity/trust issues (which I’m also working on in individual counseling). Our therapist started by finding out our background and what our issues are that we want to work on. She is starting by having us work on our communication styles, which are very different, and have us focus on the positives in our relationship. Some of our stress is due to external family conflicts so she’s helping us to learn how to handle those, too. She listens but also asks questions and has kind of given us expectations as to how we’ll approach therapy.
Post # 10
@missyhh07: those are mostly the same issues I’m dealing with as well and its really nice to hear some positive experiances from someone else. I wasn’t sure that he would be able to deal with his anger but he is dealing with it really well and its been about 2 weeks so far, so I’m hopeful that once we have some counceling under our belts that will make things better.
Post # 11
Hello, I recently graduated with my Masters in Psychology and might have some helpful info!
Honestly, its kind of difficult to tell you EXACTLY what will happen at YOUR couples counseling session because it really depends on what your counselors counseling style is.
If they are coming from a solution focused background they might try to get to the heart of the problem, have you guys talk to each other openly about how you feel, and then give you both homework to work on outside of the counseling session.
This is just ONE type of counseling therapists use. In my opinion I would look into couple counselors in your area, find out what kind of counseling style they use and do your research on what those styles are to figure out what you think would be the BEST fit for you and your SO. It will also give you some info on what to expect the sessions to be like!
Hope that helped!