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if i didnt like my ring.... i would make sure its insured and then accidently lose it
evil i know......
I think traditionally the man buys the diamond, and then the woman can change the setting if she likes. I would try to express my ring preference ahead of time. Little hints can go a long way, or recruit a girlfriend to make sure you get what you want. If you really don't like it, wait a week or two and then gently let him know you like to change it.
I avoided the issue by picking out my own ring.. :)
I indicated what styles I liked, but ultimately, I didn't pick the exact ring.
One of my friends was so proud of the ring he picked for his now wife. He showed it to me and told me about the whole experience. Well, she HATED IT!! He took it back and got something she liked. It didn't seem to bother him too much.
Thats tough!
I picked out my own ring but not by choice I just happened to fall in love with a ring but I pointed it out because I thought it would be something Mr. M would get me!!!!
I know from all the other jewelry that he has bought me that he has GREAT taste - but if you are worried just drop hints.
Okay, so here's what I did. A girl who I knew and we were friends with had a ring I REALLY loved. I Kept saying over and over how much I loved this and that about that particular ring. Well FI got mine from the same exact place ... he heard all my comments and I got exactly what I wanted :)
Mine is definitely a beautiful ring but....not quite my dream ring but close enough that it's not worth saying anything :)
I have been dealing with this issue for a couple months. I like my ring, I do. But it is not what I picked out!
Here is the story: We went ring shopping after our 3 yr anniversary. Looked at a couple and then fell in LOVE with the kind I thought i wouldn't want. He was like "yes, that is perfect!" and all that stuff, really ecxited about it. We even found the perfect band to match. Well they write down the number and everything because he was going to come back later and do all the stuff.
SO later he goes back and gets both rings. Then he tells me this story about how they wrote down the wrong ring and he had to tell them it is the wrong one and how he KNOWS it is this one. I was like uh oh. (He does not do a good job of paying attention to anything that is not sports) but thought to myself- he was in love with the one I picked out as much as I was, so I didn't worry. But I asked him what shape it was, he said round (uh oh)... he didn't remember.
a couple weeks go by and he proposes. I am so excited he committed to be with me forever, and I cant wait to see my ring...he opens the box... i didn't even try this type of ring on.
SO dissapointed he didn't pay attention. But he thought he had the right one, and he was so proud of himself for telling the lady the "right" one. I could not tell him it wasn't the same. Now I feel sad sometimes when I see others with the same type of ring, and I get mad at him for not paying attention to a memorable moment we had together!
Sorry it is so long, I needed to vent about it. I am getting to love my ring, but the one I picked was THE ONE. i haven't felt like that before, except when I met my FI. I hope I feel like that when I go dress shopping. But I could never tell him because it would hurt his feelings. *SIGH*
Before we got engaged, my fiance and I looked at so many rings, and I couldn't find any ring that I loved every part of. I had such a specific type in mind, and nothing we looked at matched it. I'm really really glad we did this, because if we hadn't, he would have picked something out that I wouldn't have liked.
We ended up going to a jeweler his mom knew, who custom-designed my ring. I got a ring that was EXACTLY what I wanted, and I'm not sad at all that I guided him through what I wanted.
@eloping - you crack me up with your responses!! ha ha
I have no idea what my BF is getting, he says he already has the ring, but I have NO idea...
I love my diamond. I like my ring. The band is kind of crazy w/ lots of smaller diamonds. I loved it at first, but its slowly starting to bug me. I am a clean freak! This ring gets really dirty, really fast & no bands fit with it.
As much as it kills me, I'm probably going to get a more classic setting. Knowing my FI, he's going to take it back & never buy me another piece of bling lol.
So I'll probably live with it for a little while longer. Ugh... I shouldn't have said anything! I'm getting annoyed right now by how dirty it is!!!
FI and I discussed this possibility because my friend got engaged last year and she and I disagreed about the topic. I said if I didn't like the engagement ring (and let's be honest here - I was so ready to get engaged it would have had to be B.A.D.) I would tell him and ask if we could pick something else out together. My friend said she would never say anything because she wouldn't want to hurt her FI's feelings. My reasoning was that if he's going to be my husband and we're going to share our lives together I would definitely be able to talk to him about something like the engagement ring. Otherwise it probably didn't bode well for more serious topics later.
So when FI and I talked about it he said he would definitely want to know if I didn't like the ring he picked out. We knew he was going to pick it out by himself - we both wanted the surprise to be there. I gave some guidance such as I would like white gold b/c that is what my mom has and I didn't want a ring with 'right angles' like emerald or princess because I don't like how they look on my hand but otherwise he did it all himself. And I was THRILLED. I sometimes don't believe it's really there! And it's been almost 4 months!
So I think if you don't like your ring you should probably talk to FI about it - odds are he'll be happy if you're happy!
Ooo we had a big discussion about this. i wanted to pick out my ring. Why? Because i'd been staring at them for months and knew what i wanted and what I really disliked. He felt i should just accept whatever he gets me and be grateful and to tell him otherwise is rude. Well, if i made him dinner out of the bottom fo my heart, I don't expect him to lie to me about enjoying it. So i spun that on him: i didn't want to lie to him by telling him i liked it when i hated it. we went ring shopping and played a game. I asked him to pick out what he'd buy me and i'd tell him my opinions of the rings in the cases. Go figure he picked out stuff totally not my taste. Then i started basically slamming the rings. In a nice way. "i don't like X about this one" and "i like this part of it, but not this part". and on and on and on. There was only one ring i ever really loved that i found online. He actually proposed with a solitaire (i told him no round diamonds--everybody has one and i wanted him to find something unique) cushion diamond and took me setting shopping. I thought it was so sweet that he actually proposed WITH the diamond, not just an empty box. He even put it in white gold. We still played the "what would you get me" game and he was way off--some weird step princess band with teeny round diamonds in the corners of each princess stone. Imagine a small princess diamond and at each corner point there's a round one! His reason was b/c it was a 3/4 ct setting. Well it was uuuuugly. I told all the jewelers what I wanted and one found it. Tada! Done. The only thing I disliked about my ring is that cushions are deep with a smaller face value and it doesn't stand out b/c of the wideness of my setting. You really lost the engagmenet stone and I hated to be like, "oh actually it needs to be 2 carats so you can see it better!". It did bug me throughout the engagement and we probsably should have picked a setting first, then the stone size that would best fit. Even a 1.5 would have been better. But, now that I have my wedding bands on, the whole look of it has changed and low and behold, it doesn't bother me at ALL now!
But ultimately, he didn't want me to *lie* to him about loving it and I didn't want to feel guilted into wearing a FOREVER piece of jewelry that wasn't to my liking. He wanted me to be happy, and he and I just don't share taste in jewelry for that to happen.
I guess my BF is a little more on the traditional side, and when I told him that my best friend and her (now fiance) went ring shopping together, he HATED the idea. So, i have resulted to leaving webpages open on the computer, and pointing out rings that are on someone's finger. The only thing that bothers me about that is I have never really "tried on rings". I have tried on a couple of my friend's rings, but the only thing i got from that experience is knowing i wanted something completely different 
*sigh*
@jm, my DH was really traditional, too. He hated (ok abhored) the idea of me having any sort of input on my ring. It wasn't my job apparently.
I literally scared him that I probably wouldn't like what he got me and that I would be so heartbroken to wear something every day, then I'd probably stop wearing it. Why should I wear something I don't love? every. day. of. my. life. Yeah i emphasized that a lot. It worked! Go try on rings on your own and then send him blatant, obvious, in your face emails compiled with rings you like and rings you hate.
My FI was acting traditional at first too, saying he didn't want to go ring shopping before the proposal. Then he started researching diamonds and realized how much they cost and his opinion totally changed. He didn't want to spend so much money on something I would hate, so off to Tiffany we went.
He bought me the most beautiful diamond, but put it in a very masculine white gold setting I'm not too fond of. I'm trying to decide now if I want to change the setting before we get married or wait until an anniversary - these things aren't cheap.
I thought about this for a long time before I got engaged. I was afraid that I wouldnt like the ring he picked out... but at the same time I still kind of wanted to be surprised by my ring. So, what we did was this: we went and looked at rings together. I told him that I wanted either a round or a princess cut diamond but I let him choose. Then I picked out four different rings that I liked and allowed him to choose between those. He ended up getting the one that I wanted the most and did good... but if he did buy something that I didnt like, I probably would have ended up saying something to him about it and trying to change it. I mean, if I'm supposed to be wearing this for the rest of my life, I want to like it! However, my FI was different and wanted me to tell him what I liked/didnt like so he wouldnt end up buying something I hated.
Maybe ring shopping wont work for the two of you, but try asking him if you can at least look at rings together (even if its online) so you can give him an idea of what you like/dont like. You dont have to pick the actual ring right then and there... but at least he'll have an idea of what will make you happy.
I really like some people here's stories that their FI proposed with a diamond then they shopped together for a setting. The only thing I don't like about the idea of ring shopping together is that I'd feel badly picking out a diamond because I'd worry it's too expensive or something. If he did that for me, I'd love to pick out the perfect setting for it!
I didn't want an engagement ring and said this many times to my FI. I don't like the symbolism and I don't like diamonds and the trade they represent. He is pretty traditional and kept saying that he was going to get me a ring, but I just shrugged it off. I also can't stand the thought of spending thousands of dollars on something I might lose or damage (because that is ME). I am not saying no one should get engagement rings, its just not for me.
When he proposed I was not expecting it at all (the proposal) and when he opened the ring box I had to look close (it was dark in our room) to see what he had gotten me. It was perfect. A light green peridot in a gold and white-gold setting with some tiny diamonds set in the band. He said he couldn't stand not getting me a little bit of diamond, so I accepted that. The main stone is just perfect.
And no, my birthday is not in August, its April (diamonds HAHAH). I really love my ring and I am glad I had no idea what was coming. If he had gotten me a big expensive diamond, I would have had no problem telling him that I didn't want it. But I think I still would have not gone with him!
FI wanted to get me a ring with rubies (connecting to verses in the bible) and then I said, with diamond too--RIGHT (when else will i get one?) :) He said, uh...right.
I went online trying to visualize it with custom ring sites and also to see if I was a picky ring picking person... and I found some really horrible ones (IMHO) with rubies so I realized there was only 1 setting/diamond type I really liked with a rubies. I printed out a pic and tucked it away. Later I hinted about the one I saw but he said, "I got it, I got it, let me be romantic." Then the subject came up a few weeks later and he was much more receptive since he began to worry I might not like it, so I just handed him the picture and he was relieved.
When the ring was presented, it had 1 marquise and 2 pears, just like the picture but ALL DIAMONDS...no rubies. :) The custom jeweler had talked FI out of the rubies. So it all works out. The girls above had some great stories/ideas too.
I'm WAY too picky to not have a say in the ring, so we went ring shopping together.
I think I wouldve been happy with whatever just as long as I had a ring on my finger. I wasnt to worried about him picking it cause he has good taste and he knows what I like! But if I didn't like my ring i don't think I would have the guts to tell him, I think once we're married i would have just worn the wedding band and not the ering...but I LOVE MY RING!!
@corgitales- I picked out a halo princess cut with a thin band and small diamonds going down the sides. I got a round center stone with small diamonds down the sides of the band. It is pretty, and I feel bad for complaining, but I am glad I got it out.
I picked mine... that helped. ;)
My step-sister didn't like her e-ring, so she dealt with it by getting a wedding band she really liked (my step-BIL actually let her pick that one!).
I suggest getting a wedding band that can't be worn with the engagement ring so you can move the e-ring to the right hand... and then gradually stop wearing it. ;) Or you can always take the ring back and change the setting.
Just today there was an episode of "King of Queens" on about how Carrie finds out her engagement ring is worth a lot more than her and Doug thought (he bought it at an estate sale and got a great deal without knowing it). Interestingly enough, it says (you don't ever see the ring close up) that the ring is a rose cut diamond with a butterfly in the metal somehow? and it is clear that Carrie did NOT love the ring when she got it. But the point of the show is that even though it was not at all her tastes, when she sold it and got a new one she was really sad because it wasn't the one HE picked.
Point being, I guess, maybe if you do dislike your ring you'll grow to love it later. This happened to me with a necklace my ex got for me. At first I really didn't like it at all, but I wore it because it was a sweet gesture and within a few months I really loved it.
My FI was very tradational as well, we did not shop for rings togehter or anything like that at all. What I did do was flat out tell him what I liked, the easist way to do this was when someone had a certain engagement ring on that I liked or disliked (didn't even matter if I knew the person.) So, like one time we were in a grocery store and this girl had an awesome ring on, I just wispered to him "I love that ring, its a princess cut solitare with diamonds in the band" after doing this a few times, he knew excatly what I wanted :)
My Fi says if I hadn't like my ring he would have said too bad you get to wear it. lol.
It will really depend on what it looks like. My FI and I have (so I thought) terribly opposite taste in jewelry. I worried about hating the ring too. I convinced him to go ring shopping, so he could see what I was looking for. I was very specific about certain features (solitaire vs. 3 stone), etc.
So what did FI do? He bought me almost exactly what I told him I did not want. But you know what the odd thing is - I ADORE the ring. Is it my dream ring?? No. But he did a great job with it.
Give your sweetie some credit and see what he comes up with. It may not be what you envision in your head, but he may just surprise you and you may just love what he picks.
Although, if it is a ring that makes you want to puke every time you see it, you can always have the stone reset (settings are not that much $$, depending on the metal).
For the last few months anytime I've mentioned what type of ring I want, my boyfriend's eyes have glossed over and he swears he'll get me something great. Now I doubt he's ever bought jewelry before for anyone, so I've been panicky. So panicky that I lost my mind temporarily and opened up his top desk drawer after I thought he might have it. I found appraisal papers for his grandmother's ring. No pics but it sounds way better than I ever dreamed! I feel so terrible for being worried and for snooping. Though in my defense, he shouldn't have left something like that right on the top of his drawer!
I bet your boyfriend will amaze you too! They tend to do that.
@Debe Could you replace the head setting? Or, what if you had the round stone designed to look square with little halo diamonds? A coworker of mine had already bought a round diamond when he found out she wanted a square so he made it look square.
He might be open to trading just the main setting out--popping out the round diamond, trading for a square, and adding halos.
maybe the halo can be your "wedding" band. give it some time to grow on you (i'm one of those "i hate it now, i always will" kind of girls though) and be honest. Otherwise you'll dislike it every time u look at it
@Corgi, I definitely wanted him to pick out a center stone he was comfortable with purchasing! I have mentioned that the whopper sized diamonds are more of a 25 anniversary thing though =]. He was like, "really? you want a gift that nice?" and i said "well, my dad got my mom a new mercedes! i don't think it's unrealistic if it's easily afforded". Meh. We'll see in 25 years =]. Maybe i'll want a 2 week vacation to Fiji =]
@ejs4y8- yay for 25th anniversary! My bf has not yet bought me jewelry, but I think that its my fault because I kept telling him if he spent too much on me for gifts I'd be pissed (I'm a saver and at this point in my life I want a house more than jewelry!). I think that after we're a little more comfortable though, I'll be getting jewelry etc. At least I hope so! I do really like diamonds! :)
We picked out my ring together. You only need to see my post on Mr. DG's fashion sense to know that he was going to need some input and guidance. Then again, he would have been happy to propose with a kayak or a new snowboard rather than a ring! He was also thrilled to have the input.
I used to have a friend who ended up breaking up with her fiance over the ring he picked. She hated it because it was too modern, and she felt it was a sign that he didn't know her as well as she thought.
They broke up for a while (months if I recall), but eventually got back together... Still the whole ring debacle really put a major black mark on their relationship. It was UGLY and handled very badly!
@Corgi, LOL. I drop hints now, mostly so he knows that I am open to the idea of receiving gifts =]. I don't doubt that we won't be successful enough that it would be overly extravagant, no matter what we go with. I have a tendency to reciprocate with nice gifts, too =-]. I"m hoping in 25 years we are quite comfortable and ideally, our kids are smart enough to get their OWN scholarships! muah ha ha.
@MrsDg, lol, if only proposals were with kayaks, taht's too funny! Ya know, I used to be offended that DH didn't "know me enough" to *get* my taste but uh, i can barely decide what my favorite flavor of ice cream is, let alone expect him to pick out the best brand at the grocery store. Sometimes I surprise myself by what i like
@ejs4y8- so you wanna hear the worst thing? I am not even engaged yet (bf is still saving for the ring), and I already know what I want for an anniversary gift! (aquamarine halo ring!) I'm terrible heh
@esj4y8-I like my ring, and wouldnt change it. I am most upset that he didn't pay attention when we were there. But I thought it was so darn cute that he stood up for what he thought was the right one.
Now I feel bad for venting, but it helped me get over it. I feel silly now! Don't get me wrong, I appriciate the money and time and the meaning behind my ring, I was just irritated he didn't pay attention when we were there. Maybe I'll get my dream ring another time!
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So I just posted on another thread about having a dream about getting a terrible engagement ring. I was just wondering if anyone that is engaged has been a little disapointed in the ring they received and what they did about it.
I know that ideally its supposed to be about the symbolism of the ring, but what happens if you just didn't get what you want?