- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Hey bees, I need some advice. I’ve taken things in stride and have been pretty easygoing but I think I am at my breaking point. Long story short DH has a sister who is a chronically depressed alchoholic. The real problems in our relationship has surrounded his sister and her lack of ability to parent her 3 childen.
about 6 years ago his sister got into some legal trouble and left the state, leaving two of her teenaged (16 and 17) children with us and taking her smallest with her. Her two teenaged children became more than we could handle, both dropped out of shcool, both began procreating, as soon as they both turned 18, we had to askt hem both to find somewhere else to live, as much as it pains us. My husband was working two jobs, I have no experience in raising children plus DH’s mother lived with us and constantly enabled their bad choices, giving them money to go out and party, allowing significant others to live-in, it was a nightmare. Finally I told DH (BF at the time) I cant take it anymore and I’m moving on. Well, He didn’t liek the sound of that and he agreed we would get our own place and it would be tough love with the kids and his mom from there on out.
All went well for a long time…we got engaged a couple years later, then married last year. Almost as soon as the honeymoon was over, his sister was knocking on our door with her youngest child (and dead beat-ex con husband) for a place to stay as they were no longer welcome at her father in law’s home out of state. It really snuck up on it as two weeks turned into two months and two turned into 6, when finally they got a place of their own. Well,t hat was about a year ago…..and now it’s all falling apart.
His sister’s husband began hitting her youngest and the police were called, and the husband is on the run. Her youngest wants to come live wtih us, as much as I love her and want to do all I can to protect her I am so angry you guys. I am so angry that once again, his sister is very close to dumping her responsibilities on us. Apparently she is getting ready to be kicked out of her apartment, as she has stopped working and paying rent, and they have no car.
What was supposed to be a happy honeymoon stage for us was runined when they frist came back into town. And now, I’m expecting our first baby and the threat of one or both of them moving into our tiny abode haunts us once again. I wrote a list of things DH and I need to discuss before we do anything.
-The child’s bio dad (he needs to be asked if she can live with him instead)
-Not letting her dump her responsiblities on us again
-If they do need a place to sstay temporarily, we need a time limit, in which she either gets another job and place or goes to stay with another memeber of the family
-I can’t have anyone drinking in the house while I”m expecting, there was actual damage done in my house when they were here before
-I can’t have her husband come here if he’s hitting the girl, I can’t have him anywhere near here or I will call the police.
-I am pregnant, it’s not safe to get in the middle of this, stress, drama, all that, it’s just not acceptable.
-We barley can afford anything right now as I just finished my nursing boards and need to find a job, we need to save for the baby, not feed another mouth, cloth another person’s child.
-If for some reason we are the only choice for his neice to live with, we would need to be eligible for benefits, tax deductions, child support payments (from her dad) etc, assistance, etc.
Anything I’m leaviing out? is it terrible I dont’ want either of them here? I feel so discouraged, I thought this was going to be a relaxing and normal pregnancy and we could really enjoy it without alll the drama. =(