Post # 1
I know this topic has been done before, but there are always new stories to be told! Also, there’s a poll, because polls are fun 🙂
SO and I are going through a rough time currently in our relationship. With him working full time on top of an extremely demanding school program, our time together is very limited and even then often hard to enjoy due to the stress we are experiencing. During the school year while I’m away at college, we are a LDR and summer is usually when we catch up on “lost time” but this summer is anything but. This is made worse by the fact that I was originally hoping to land my dream summer internship out of state (which I applied for this particular summer largely because I knew he would be so busy) until I was passed up in the final round of eliminations. I was crushed.
To add to this, SO currently lives with his beyond lazy older brother who doesn’t help out around the house and eats all of our food (to the point that I have to write our names on EVERYTHING or else it will be promptly consumed). Also, SO’s perfectly sweet but totally overbearing mother comes over unannounced to do laundry and other various things one should not be doing for a son who has moved out. I understand how time-crunched he is (her given reason for coming over) but I’d much rather do all of that for him myself…
Gahhh. So many things piling up, and it’s definitely trying our strength as a couple. I am so greatful this is the toughest thing we’ve faced, in that no one is dying or cheating or anything, but somedays it is just. so. hard.
What have been your greatest challenges as a couple? Are you still there? How did you get through it?
Post # 3
@xiabu: we have been married now for 15 years and our greatest struggle is raising our son who had OCD & ADHD. He is 13 and each day tests us both to the max.
We have leant to always be open and honest with each other. We put time aside everyday to talk. We don’t hold grudges and never go to bed mad. I love my husband more then ever and wouldn’t be able to do it without him.
Post # 4
I only VOTED for one… DRAMA FROM PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP
As it is the only factor that has been any sort of an issue for us.
Mr TTR and I have been together now close to 8 years (gosh how time flies)
And to date, our greatest challenges have come about due to “the baggage” that I brought into the Relationship after my long term Marriage and subsequent Divorce (I was in the Divorce process… when we met… that horrific torture took 5 years. Combined with a Marriage to an Alcoholic Abusive man, it left me with HUGE Scars, some of which I continue to have to face regularly… emotional, physical, etc)
Mr TTR is by the far the kindest, sweetest, most gentle man I’ve ever met. He has been more than patient & understanding. He is my rock.
Due to our ages (over 50 and over 60) there will be many more challenges in front of us, I fear. Elderly Parents, Our Retirement & Finances, and our Own Health Issues.
And I am sure they all will prove to be difficult times. BUT we knew all that when we signed up to make this a permanent relationship… it came with the territory… just for us at our age, LOVE is bittersweet, happy to have it, but very aware that it is a fleeting thing… and that it could be taken away from us too soon.
If only there was a magic way to turn back the clocks… and change the history of the world… (as we were both married to other people)… ya I would have much liked to have met Mr TTR when I was younger (30 & 40) and we had a lifetime infront of us
But then again, we wouldn’t be the people we are today… cause it is life’s experiences, the good and the bad that shape us.
C’est la vie.
Post # 5
I put infidelity issues, but it wasn’t one of us who was unfaithful. His parents’ marriage ended because of infidelity (and FH was the one who accidentally discovered it and had to tell the other parent), and it affected our relationship for a while, mostly when it was still fresh. He was “paranoid”, as he called it, but it’s gotten a lot better.
Post # 6
Our only issue really stems from work stress. We work together, right next door to each other actually, at a really, really challenging high poverty school. I’m talking daily fights, kids cussing you out in the hallway — things most people would deal with rarely at their jobs or in their lives are a daily ordeal for us. He handles the stress much better than I do. I tend to take it out on him at the end of the day, and I know that is wrong, but it’s something we are working on.
Post # 7
For us I would say just generally growing up together. We’ve been together since we were 17, now 25 (nearly 26) and we went through the typical teenage/early 20s of drinking , partying, learning about ourselves etc etc which at times was hard (ESP drinking) but we got through it all and couldn’t be happier!!! He’s just my best friend and the whole time we’ve been together and there have been times we could have split up we never wanted to be without each other so worked through any issues.
Post # 8
My father had a massive heart attack when we’d been dating for around 6 months (he survived, barely)
When we’d been living together for three months, DH got a kidney stone. That mess was a month long and wound up in surgery.
Then he tore his labrum, which was another surgery, 72-hours of post-op care at home, and I had to wash him for the next 5 weeks until he could start to take his arm out of the sling. Then 8 weeks of intensive PT.
On the bright side, those last two are why he decided to propose! I was “calm, cool, collected, and nurturing the whole time”
Post # 9
Drama from people outside of our relationship, for sure.
We were introduced on our very first day of college, by a friend of his who was one of my roommates in the dorms. He told her he wanted to ask me out, she freaked out, and ended up being a really toxic person and the first few months of our relationship were strained as a result.
He also has a few female friends (one of which he had a causal romantic relationship with) that have stirred up quite a bit of drama. She is still trying to get him to end it with me, and we are engaged and have been together for three years.
His family also causes some unfortunate issues. Thankfully, the issues never cause conflict between us. We never fought over my ex-roommate or his female friend or his family, but having people in our lives who don’t support our relationship is a huge challenge. It isn’t fun. And having to ask him to stop contact with certain people, like the ex girlfriend, is stressful.
Post # 10
FI is currently unemployed and we’ve been sort of struggling financially for a while now, so I put that down because that would definitely reduce stress in the relationship. But, the biggest issue is outside sources. My parents are really awful about the relationship and my FI and it really takes its toll. :/
Post # 11
Temporary LDR- I’m spending 6 weeks away
unemployment- both of us have been unemployed and underemployed, but things are changing for thebetter
stress- both of us are figuring out life and going through big changes with jobs, school, and housing
money- he saves a lot, I’m pretty broke
Post # 12
We’ve been LD (international at that) for all but four months of our going-on two year relationship. LD isn’t that challenging in and of itself (we have great communication) but of course we miss each other like mad.
We both have financial problems at the moment and we’re in flux because of that. I was unemployed until recent and still make very little. He works for himself and isn’t getting much business.
I’m beginning to realize that I have issues with anxiety (and have had them for years) so I’ve had some unwarrented spells of insecurity. I’m looking at counselors for that.
I worry (stupid anxiety!) that our religious differences will become an issue after we have kids. But what am I going to do about it at this point? We’re in agreement on everything now…
Post # 13
@xiabu: Wow, OP. That definitely is a lot on your plate. ((Hugs)) You’ll get through this to better times for sure!
For DH and me it was dealing with my bipolarity and addiction issues. I was hospitalized many times and been on pretty much every psych med out there. Suicide attempts, stays in the ER/ICU because I stopped breathing. Plus – and this is where it got especially hard for both of us – the intensive therapy and weaning off of meds. Now we are slowly learning to love each other for who we REALLY are…not an inauthentic nervous ambitious wreck that I once was. I am drug-free for the first time in 15 years, it scares the shit out of me every day, but I know I have my best friend to support me know matter what. And boy, has he proved it, over and over!
I’m now on disability, and it has saved my, and our, lives. I can’t really fathom working again without my moods going haywire, at least for several years. We are rebuilding our savings and thank god still have our house. Ultimately, the only thing that matters is that we both are getting healthy, getting happy, and reconnecting with family and ourselves. One day at a time, as they say.
Good luck to you in the coming months – keep your chin up, be brave and plan for your future…things WILL get better!! 🙂
Post # 14
Ours has ALWAYS been money and pretty much nothing else. We were raised in two very different homes, money-wise. My parents never had mass amounts of debt, in fact the only debt they ever had were cars they were paying on or like currently they are paying on their new house. Only one debt at a time too, no new debt until the last one was paid off. I began working at age 14 to pay for my own cell phone and my dad took me to the bank and got me a checking and savings account. FI was raised where the disability check comes and they all went to walmart and spent the whole entire check on random shit. not even kidding you, i SERIOUSLY wish i was. they were very, very irresponsible parents and still are and they make my brain hurt. once FI got a job in HS he started doing the same thing, buying whatever, whenever. It’s taken a long time to show him how to budget and save and not over spend or impulse buy, and i was proud to show him today that our bank account had $3,000 saved up even after paying off all our vendors. we are both very proud. we will do our honeymoon spending from that and then leave the rest for school payments and extra saved up for rent. Proud day for us as a couple.
Post # 15
Other – household chores/duty. He doesn’t cook, at all. I used to get fustrated with the lack of help in the house with all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, but then helping outside with the garden and fixing up the house. We had a few all out sessions when I reached the brink of fustration. But he now helps out with the dishes and I’m ok with the rest since he does defintely take care of a lot of things that I dont ever do, snow blowing the driveway, mowing the lawn, getting up on the roof to do repairs, and other general repairs around the house (of which we’ve sadly had a lot of issues to take care of) Luckily we haven’t had any other issues at all.
Post # 16
We haven’t really had anything too challenging in our 8+ year relationship so far, knock on wood. A few things that have happened tho:
– suffering multiple miscarriages fairly early on in our relationship. I think it was a lot harder on me then it was on him (understandably). These happened over the course of about 2-3 years before we finally stopped trying to get pregnant. My moods were all over the place during this time, it was a constant flux in either really happy or really really sad.
– we were fortunate to have one pregnancy stick, and we have our son to show for it. It was a challenge becoming parents at a young age (I was 22) but we worked it out. The real challenge was just realizing who your real friends are, but finding out its mostly just your family. Im thankful for my family everyday.
-my FI lost his mother long before we met, but during our relationship he had one of his mothers “long lost friends” come back into his life. She tried to weasel her way into his life (and his sister and brothers also) and basically try to replace their mother in a sense. The problem was that she was a very toxic person, and almost seemed to get off on causing drama within his family. For a while, my FI and his brother and sister weren’t speaking to eachother because she was poisoining everyone with her bad thoughts. Eventually we all “broke up with her” and none of us have spoken to her in several years. We’ve all become very close again since she’s been out of the picture.
– this goes back a long ways, but my ex boyfriend cheated on me with what would become my FIs sister. At first it was incredibly painful and awkward to be around them when FI and i first started dating, but it was unavoidable because we were “family”. This was challenging, not necessarily for FI and i, but for his sister and I. It took us a long time before we could really be friends again, and before I could actually consider her (and him!) my family. But, we are family now. I stood up as a bridesmaid in their wedding 3 years ago, and they are both standing up in ours next week.