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Bees,
Im just wondering.I have no ex's so my FI has no worries about that.But he does.
We are not planning on having ex's at our wedding,but at one point he did have one of his ex's as a friend on facebook.Have to admit that I did mind,especially when we got engaged.My FI and I did talk and he is no longer facebook friends with her.Even had her blocked because she kepted on sending a friend request to him.
I see no reason y anybody would want to be friends with an ex.U are getting married and are moving forward.Y bring your past with you?I dont know.I just dont think its a good idea.
What do u gain from having an ex as a friend still??If I did, it would keep on bringing up memories of the relationship,especially the intimate parts.So y put yourself and yourself through that?
And if u or your FI are still friends with ex's,in person or on facebook,are u both in agreement or do one of u not agree??Honestly,how comfortable are u both about it??
Y cant u or your FI let this person go?I honestly beleive that if u or your FI is uncomfortable with each other having ex's as friends,u should respect your future spouses feelings and just let these people go........
I have two exes on facebook but both were short term high school relationships where we became close friends after. There is a very good chance one if not both will be invited to my wedding.
Mr. A has an ex on facebook that he dated ten years ago. I'm totally find with that as well.
If he was still fb friends with his ex wife I'd be annoyed however.
Neither of us invited exes to the wedding, but it wasn't really an issue because we had our wedding across the country from where we actually live. I don't think we would have because there's a big difference (at least in my mind) between being someone's friend on FB and having them be a part of your wedding day.
Both of us have exes as Facebook friends because neither of us has ever been in a really messy breakup before. Both of us dated people we were friends with first and broke up with amicably. In both of our cases, the people we dated ended up having different goals and leading very different lives than what we wanted to live and there's really no bitterness.
We have a lot of trust in each other. By having his ex as his friend on Facebook, I don't feel like our relationship is somehow jeopardized. I obviously would have an issue with it if he chatted with her or messaged with her all the time, but it's just kind of interesting to see what people from your past are up to. And I know he wouldn't ever meet up with her for a dinner date or something crazy like that.
One of my exes was also a childhood friend that ended up marrying a friend of mine long after we were together, so I like to see what they're up to and I honestly wish the best for him without missing him as a significant other.
I think it truly depends on what the relationship with the ex was like, how it ended, and what your partner is comfortable with. If it made my SO uncomfortable, I wouldn't have a problem with deleting my exes from FB, but we just don't really consider it to be an issue.
@brideatbeach:True,the relationship does matter.My FI told me that the reason he and this girl broke up is because she was cheating on him.So obviously she has no morals at all.I once asked my FI y would u even want to be her friend with what she did to you??I honestly dont remember his response,but shortly after that she was off his list.
And plus since she is so immoral and nuts,I dont want her to know anything about my FI and I.Knowing what this woman is like,who would!?
Another thing that sucks is she works at the store that I have shopped at since I was 13.I would go to another one of the same stores in the area,but the rest are mostly ghetto.
I have 2 exes on FB that are dear friends. I love them as friends and would never want to be involved with them again. It's not like we hang out and talk on the phone but we're still friendly. I'm an adult, I can have whoever I want to in my life. I chose DH, not them.
Oh and yes, my DH has an ex on his facebook too as they have a child together. She's remarried now.
@Earlybride: Your fingers are typing through my brain because I feel the same way you do.
My boyfriend (lol, he's my husband now) at the time had 2 of his ex's on FB. They both cheated on him! He didn't defriend them becuase he's too nice! SERIOUSLY?? They got blocked real quick after I explained that these were not friends (facebook or otherwise!!).
When one of them got married and wanted DH at her reception after her DW abroad, he wanted me, his new girlfriend, to go with him. No way in hell! I mean, to watch this chick hug him and push her boobs up against his chest all the while knowing she cheated on him? I don't care if she was newly married to someone else, just the thought of her cheating on my husband made my blood boil.
I didn't go and neither did he.
My husband is the nicer one of both of us. I guess I follow that old saying exs are exs for a reason.
He is still friends with an ex, on facebook and in real life. We did not invite her to our wedding because we think it's not appropriate (I wouldn't want to be getting married and know that one of our guests is thinking "it could have been me").
When we first started dating, they were friends and would see each other from time to time; then when we got more serious, he introduced us (we already knew each other from a common sport, but never spent time with her out of the club). Her and I got along great. Then they only saw each other with me there; and more time passed between each meeting.
I think two persons can fail at having a relationship because they're not right for each other and that with some level of maturity, may maintain a friendship. When we started dating, DH offered to stop seeing her if I wasn't comfortable with it, and all I said was, just don't give me any reason to feel uncomfortable and we won't have a problem.
Of course, as anyone, I would sometimes have insecurities about it, I was honest and we talked it out. No crisis. And over time, as our relationship evolved, their friendship evolved too, in a sense that she has stepped away and we see her about twice a year..
When it comes to exes, I think as long as clear boundaries are respected, it can work, it all depends on the situation and the people involved.
@KatyElle:Thats great.Im glad it has worked out for u two.
@Just_Squeeze:In the same boat huh?lol...crazy.Y be friends with cheating ex's?!
(When it comes to exes, I think as long as clear boundaries are respected, it can work, it all depends on the situation and the people involved.)
Thats it in a nutshell.It all depends on what your exs are like,how the relationship ended and the people invloved.
If she was trying to re-friend him after she was deleted? Good on him for blocking her.
FI has one girl that he dated in highschool and she herself is engaged and lives far away. The other ex is his ex wife and she is blocked. But they were not friends since we were together anyways. It is just that they have some mutual friends left and it's just easier to block her so she can't see photos and stuff. She cheated on him and black mailed him for money by threatening to take away his pension after he dumped her for catching her screwing around. Ya she's a gem!
We had a no exes at the wedding policy. Since we are both friends with exes neither of us care about FB.
I have almost the exact opposite opinion on wether to be friends with exes or not. I feel like if you liked someone as a person enough to consider them your partner, why would you stop being friends with them just because a romantic relationship wasn't in the cards? As long as it's an ex who didn't wrong me in any unforgivable way (cheating, physical abuse, etc) I usually maintain a friendship with them.
I actually had a boyfriend who hated that I am very close friends with my high school boyfriend, and I wound up resenting him for it. I felt like he didn't trust me, and also that he didn't aprove of my having a good connection to my past. My past is my past, why should I be made to feel shameful or bad about it? Eventually we broke up, and that contributed to it. It wasn't that I picked a friendship with my ex over him, it was the way the his disaproval and what it implied to me that I couldn't deal with.
My current SO made very good friends with my ex almost immediately when we started dating. We hang out with this ex and his present girlfriend all the time, and the four of us have a solid friendship. They'll definitely be welcome at our wedding when we have one.
@KoalaWalla:Glad its working out for u.
I never did understand y my FI would want to be facebook friends with his cheating ex.Thank God hes not anymore.
@Oneeleven:Sounds like its a very good idea not to be friends in your case.
(Very true.It DOES depend on the situation and how things ended).
Ugg. Not for me. Penis-->Vagina-->dated less then a decade ago = no need for friendship
My FI's ex is now engaged to one of his good friends. I am struggling with this, as I adore his friend, but am not too fond of the ex being there, especially with all his family there yikes, this will be a tough one! We haven't done our guestlist yet, but I'm not looking forward to having the discussion on it.
@Oneeleven:Thats another thing that I hate to think about!!
@metalbride:I know.For some people,like me,its hard considering going anywhere near a ex.Hope it works out for u.
We don't friend people we once dated on facebook, and we are not inviting anyone like that to our wedding. I have a friend that was considering inviting a guy she dated in college that treated her like crap, and I told her she was crazy. Not sure if she actually is going to send him an invite or not, but I bet she does since she tends to like drama.
I have a few exs and I' still friends with all of them. Two are invited to the wedding because they ae very special people in my life. My FI likes them as well. We are adults, we can be friends with exs without causing drama. I am secure enough in my relationship that i don't mind if my FI wants to be friends with his exs (he doesn't, but if he did I'm ok with that) and he's ok with me being friends with mine.
The only time I can think when this could be a problem is if someone was insecure in their relationship. If you have a strong relationship, what do you have to fear from exs?
FI and I each only had one serious relationship prior to meeting. He's completely lost touch with his ex but I'm good friends with mine.
I think in many cases, it's best to cut all ties with exes and move on, but every situation is different. In the case of me and my ex, we were long distance and eventually it got too hard to bear. I understand his reasons for ending the relationship and I'm fully 100% over it, which I think allows us to still be friends. While I did love him for a long time, my feelings for him now are completely platonic. I'm not even attracted to him anymore. He still sometimes brings up fond memories of our relationship, but I never do. We had fun but it's ancient history to me and not worth talking about. We get along well and I value our friendship, but I'm thrilled that I was able to move on and meet my FI.
Long story short, my ex is invited to the wedding and I'm happy with that. :)
I don't really understand what the big deal is about being friends on FB. Most people just use it to share their big experiences. You should be comfortable with yourself and your relationship, and trust your SO enough to allow an ex of his to be his "internet friend". I understand if the ex had crossed boundaries, and wanted more than friendship but it doesn't sound as if she has and your FI wants to marry you, be with you and not his ex, so no worries! I'm actually really good friends with all my exes except one. I'm not only friends with them on FB, but I text and make plans to hang out with them with no trouble from FI, sometimes FI comes and hangs out too. Sometimes i feel like FI will be better friends with my exes than me haha. FI also has exes he's friends on FB with that I'm not friends with. I don't care. The only way I would care is if she all of sudden made advances on FI, in that case I would have complete faith he would do the right thing and then put her in her place, if she continued after he told her no then I would expet him to unfriend her. I think having a more carefree way of thinking of things makes for a happier life & marriage =)
I have one ex as a facebook friend, because he's a friend of SO. He moved to another city more than a year ago now, and I haven't seen him since then. SO keeps in touch with him, so I suppose he might get invited to our wedding. I don't really care if he's there or not to be honest.
My FI and I have a "no friends with people we slept with" rule. I have 1 ex (my first boyfriend who I never did anything with other than kiss) and 4 or so people I casually dated on my friends list. FI has his middle school/early high school girlfriend on his list and quite a few that he dated casually. I don't think anyone has a right to dictate who a person can have as a friend, but if (and only if) you both come to a mutual understanding and agree on boundaries then I think that it's reasonable to stop contact with some people.
We will not invite any exes to our wedding, but that has more to do with the fact that we're just not really close friends with any of them than it does jealousy or disliking our exes.
@Oneeleven: This exactly. No need for friendship. I think it's asking for trouble. Not everyone's old relationships can be packaged up neatly with a bow when they are done. I'm over my ex, but I don't want to be friends with him and I think it would be disrespectful to my husband if I were. It's just not necessary.
I kind of think that it comes down to how you ended things with the ex. If it was a super-serious relationship and/or it ended badly (like the OP mentioned, with the cheating) then, yeah, this is probably not someone that you are actually friends with, and you shouldn't be FB friends with them (and certainly not invite them to any weddings!).
That being said, I am FB friends with a few guys that I dated in the past in sort of a more casual way - when we broke up, it was not a big drama scene, it just wasn't working out. One in particular, I've stayed close friends with, and he and his girlfriend have become "couple friends" with my FI and I - so he is invited. I think every situation is different, and you have to have the maturity/honesty to evaluate each situation on its individual merits. For example - there is a girl that my FI was friends with in college that he never actually dated, but that really led him on and took advantage of him financially, because she knew he was interested in her. Even though she isn't an ex, there is no way I would have wanted her at our wedding.
My breakups were mild to bad, and I have two major exes. The first ex was pretty neglible, stupid high school stuff. Second was an ex-husband who abandoned me and went out of state.
Third was mutual and he thought we'd end up being friends but I wasn't stupid. I was tired of these girls who'd message him on FB (or vice versa) and then pop into his life again. I was tired feeling like my relationship with him was some stupid competition with idealistic girls. I know how it feels to have friend-exes looming around. I had to deal with Charlie's Exes with my last relationship, and that was no fun at all. I've decided that if I were to choose a relationship, I wouldn't want that for my SO. It's much more respectful and gives me less of a headache.
Of my FI's exes, maybe one I may meet but she's not going to our wedding. We don't see the point when we're not friends with any of them. And we both like clean breaks from our exes, so it works in our favor.
DH took his ex's off of FB mostly because they were an intrusion into our personal life. One would send the occasional email saying to "make sure your wife does this, and this, and this, and all those other things you like"...uh, yeah...thanks...there's a reason he married me and not you. lol And the other ex was just kind of annoying and he hadn't talked to her in years, so he defriended her as well. And the only ex's I blocked from FB was one who just wouldn't leave me alone and ignored the fact that I was married and didn't want to be contacted by him at all hours of the day.
Neither one of us care if the other is friends with exes on FB. But none of them are coming to the wedding.
I am FB friends with some of my ex's. Mostly because there a couple who really are dear friends (one was an 8th grade ex, I think that hardly counts as a substantial relationship) and the others because I am too lazy to go through my friends list and delete people. My FI has no issue. He has ex's on his Facebook friends list. I have no issue. We know where we stand with each other and that our future is ours. We aren't inviting any to the wedding.
I don't have any true exs but DH does and is facebook friends with them. I couldn't care less - it just isn't a big deal. None of them were invited to the wedding because DH just isn't that close to them anymore but if he was, again, I wouldn't care.
That said, although he isn't technically an ex, I did go on a few dates and made-out with our best man. Obviously DH doesn't care and he was heavily involved in our wedding!
@Mrs.KMM: This is the fuunniest thing but not in a haha way. I just forget it ever happened because it's been so long...but...our best man was someone I made out with too! Nothing hardcore. He wasn't that into me. But he was into my sister and married her 11 years ago! (With the understanding of course, that if he ever hurt her, I would break his arm. In those words.)
LOL! I can't believe I always forget that when I think of advice I could give others on certain topics!
@Earlybride: I don't have that many ex's but the ones I do have ended pretty badly. Therefore, I'm not friends with any in person or on facebook. However, I used to hook up with the guy who introduced FI and I. FI is fully aware of this and no longer cares as it's been years. FI is actually still friends with this guy and his family. Therefore, this guy and his whole family is invited to the wedding. Weird, I know.
FI still talks to two of his ex's. One of them he was serious with and lived with, but I'm secure in that he chose me to marry. They still have lunch on occasion, it doesn't both me or make me concerned at all. He left her. They are also friends on facebook. Second ex, is from when he was a teenager. She is married with kids and lives in another country. They, too, are friends on facebook. Also, not a concern of mine at all.
Being friends with an ex is so circumstantial on individual feelings. I have always maintained friendships with most of my exes. Even though it didn't work out romantically, I still care about them as a friend and think they are great people! I have a very deep loyalty to my ALL of my friends and love them to pieces. I would never give up a friend because someone I was with was uncomfortable, jealous, or insecure about it. Instead, I would try to make them see that there is no need to feel that way and reach a compromise.
That said, if the ex interferes in my relationship in a negative way, then I would consider stopping contact. But that goes for any of my friends. I would never let them do anything to hurt FI or our relationship. I stopped talking to an ex who I had been friends with for years after we broke up because they couldn't handle that I was in a relationship with someone else. I understood that it was hard because it was my first serious relationship since that ex, but it was disrespectful and not okay.
FI has an ex who I was fine with in the beginning, but once we got more serious, she flipped out. She is no longer welcome with us, but she knows that if she ever wants to come sort things out with me and apologize, then I would forgive and not have an issue with her. But she doesn't want to, so we don't associate with her. But it sucks, because I know that FI would like to have a friendly relationship with her again if she would just make things right with me. I am a pretty forgiving and non-jealous person though. If you want to sincerely apologize and fix things, I am usually fairly forgiving in general.
I think that whatever you feel on the topic, it is important that BOTH partners come to a compromise. You can't just say, well I don't want you to (be friends with an ex), so it doesn't really matter how you feel about it. Marriage and relationships are about compromising to find a solution that makes you both happy, not about controlling what your partner does or who they talk to.
My fiance and I are both friends with EX's on FB. All of the ex's we are friends with don't live close to us and we don't even ever talk to them. I don't feel worried at all about it because we live together, have a child together, and are getting married. I don't care if they see what is on our profiles because there is nothing really personal like phone numbers, address, etc.
I am friends with only one old flame on FB, only because we are friends now and FH doesn't care and it wasn't like the guy was even that into me. FH however is friends with at least 3 of his ex's. It bugs me sometimes but then I realize he hasn't spoken with these people since high school and NONE are being invited to the wedding. FH was recently invited to one of their weddings but said no because I was not.
I think it's all about boundaries, what you and your FH are comfortable with. If it was someone he slept with, you better believe I'd ask him to unfriend them. But seeing as these are week-long relationships that ended in high school, it doesn't really matter to me.
We both have a number of exes and for the most part we're friends will almost all of them (and have met each other's exes where possible). One of my exes lives in Norway so my fiance hasn't met him, but we're all agreed that they'd probably get on very well as they'd just talk cars.
In all honesty, if they were someone that I liked as a friend then I'm not going to drop them in that capacity and I wouldn't suggest the he dropped his exes as friends either. We're not with them for good reasons and are both agreed that we've never had better than we have with each other, so exes aren't a risk factor.
The only ex that I wouldn't even consider inviting is the one who was emotionally, and eventually sexually, abusive and therefore I am not in contact with.
That said, all exes are just evening guests and partially so we can have a little bit of a feeling of "nyah nyah-nyah nyah nyaaaah".
my ex (also my first) is actually a groomsman and his ex wife is coming for the ceremony. she wont be staying for the reception since she hasa new born and dosent want to keep the baby out all night. we agreed that as long as we are friends with our ex's its ok and i only have 1 ex i keep in contact with and thats the one in the wedding party.
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