Post # 1
I was stuck in traffic for like two and a half hours this morning so I need a funny thread. A thread where we all admit that we’re totally judgmental about the weirdest things.
I’m not talking about crack pipes here — the kind of thing that one might be EXPECTED to judge another person for owning. No no, I’m talking about much weirder stuff, but stuff that made you look at the owner a little differently from that point forward.
I’ll go first. In the master bathroom at my parents’ house (which I frequented when I lived there, because there were five of us and only three bathrooms so sometimes you just took what you could get), right in the cabinet where the spare toilet paper rolls were kept, there was a giant box of Super tampons.
Now, this doesn’t seem that weird, and at first it didn’t faze me. But the more times I opened that cabinet to get a new roll of TP and saw that giant box of super tampons, the more I thought about it and the more I got suspicious of my mom. Because … she ONLY had that giant box of super tampons. There were no other tampons. No regular, no light. Just super.
Then I started to wonder … what the hell is up with my mom that she only needs super tampons?! My god. I don’t even like wearing those for a single day — but they’re all she wears? That must mean one of two horrifying things: either she has a vagina so enormous that any smaller tampons would just fall out, or her flow is like Niagara Falls for the duration of her monthlies so why bother buying tampons that aren’t up to the task? And once these thoughts had crystallized in my head, there was no going back. Big vagina. Niagara Falls. Gross.
So come on, give me a laugh: what items have you found in people’s houses (preferably NOT while you were snooping, but while you were just doing something totally normal that the homeowner gave you permission to do) that made you look at them just a little bit differently from then on?
Oh, and if you think judging people is bad and you don’t understand why this thread would be funny, please just click the back button on your browser. We all know that judging people is bad. No need to remind us. We’re just going to do it anyway 🙂
Post # 3
One of my first dates with my husband, or at least the first few months we were dating… we went over to one of his college friends’ apartment after a movie. I walk in, there’s a bong on the coffeetable. Ladies, I know what a bong is. I play it cool and go in the kitchen for a drink then ask to use the bathroom. Come back – bong has magically disappeared. THEY THOUGHT I DIDN’T NOTICE. I could hear them whisper shouting about putting that shit away while I was peeing. Also – come on.
I judge people the worst for having dirty bathrooms. Like hair on the countertop, pubes on the toilet dirty. Another one of his college buddies I’ll never look at the same after using their bathroom. I keep our guest bath cleaner than the master bath.
ETA – since my mom has, I assume, started menopause, she’s had douches in her closet. Put that somewhere that isn’t right next to the ibuprofen, mom – gross!
Post # 4
I judge people by how their home SMELLS right when I walk in the door.
Post # 6
@almostmrsj: ugh, yes, I TOTALLY look at people differently if they have a nasty bathroom. Particularly if they aren’t like “oh my god, I apologize in advance for the bathroom — it really needs a cleaning” so at least you know they know it’s dirty. Nope, they’re like “third door on the left” and then there’s months and months-worth of dried toothpaste and shaving cream in the sink.
And ditto on the mom menopause grossness … haha I think she now keeps pantyliners in every cabinet in the whole house. It doesn’t matter what you’re looking for — you will find pantyliners.
Post # 7
Number of cats is usually a direct ratio of your sanity in my book.
Post # 8
@iarebridezilla: I only wear Super tampons 🙁
I totally judge people’s homes around Christmas time. I think there is a fine line between nice and tacky when it comes to interior and exterior Christmas decorations. Stuffed scary Santa’s, 24 nutcrackers, every plate you serve m on has a chrsitmas tree, and every room has a “pine scented” candle lit. Erg.
I think it’s super tacky to over-do it.
Post # 9
@Sunfire: oh for sure. If I walk into someone’s house and all I smell is cat, I feel like I’m in an episode of Hoarders. Even if the house is pristine and gorgeous. Cat smell = hoarder.
Post # 10
I found a vibrator in a very accessible bathroom drawer looking for advil at a family members house.
We own Boston Terriers and I’m a little overboard. We have quite a few Boston Terrier decorations around the house and I think people probably judge us. Also, I hang alot of my own work and I’m sure *someone* has been over at some point and thought “what IS that??”
Post # 11
@almostmrsj: Put that somewhere that isn’t right next to the ibuprofen, mom – gross!
Post # 12
@iarebridezilla: Haha, yep, cat smell is the worst! Cigarette smell would be next, ugh!
ETA: Mold and/or mildew smell. Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 13
cat poo in the shower after they claimed to have cleaned “all day”
Post # 14
Sadly my own house smells, its just OLD and nothing helps. So I don’t ever have people over. maybe in the next house!
Post # 15
@iarebridezilla: did you ask her .. why the jumbo .. i mean well after all those kids maybe that’s why …ick
@Sunfire: agree if i smell your kitty before i see it .. or your dog … meh i’m not eating what you homemaid
I also judge if they have wallpaper .. totally bitchy but after having to take down my parents 80’s … above the chair rail wallpaper …. the chair rail wallpaper and the below the chair rail paper …. yeah i judge on the wallpaper
Post # 16
@KateByDesign: is there a perfectly reasonable explanation for the super tampons?? I know there must be, but I sure wasn’t about to ask my mom!!! She tends to overshare, and I feel that I would seriously regret bringing it up to her.
She also totally overdoes Christmas, hahaha. You name it, she’s got it, from a Santa collection to a Nutcracker collection to special themed hand towels for every bathroom. I fully agree that it is ridiculous to the extreme!!