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I have definitely learned a lot from our wedding planning experience. It's easy to get caught up in the spending & planning-- but its SO important to not lose sight of the ultimate goal. I bombarded my FI with wedding plans & money stuff... and didn't realize he was going through some personal struggles. I missed some vital signs that our relationship was in trouble.
Now the wedding is on hold & I'm working hard to get back to where we were before our engagement happened. I've kind of had to take a look at our relationship & whats important... This is one day of our lives & if we don't protect our relationship we won't have a marriage to celebrate. I've realized that I'd marry him in a papersack dress at the courthouse, just us. Things & situations change, but hopefully our love will remain constant.
I think thats the most important thing I've learned :)
i voted "NOPE" because I never spent an ounce of time thinking about a wedding growing up, and we planned very organically. The only preconceived notions would be that it would not be in a church, it'd be outside, and somewhere beautiful. And no princess stuff. I am not sure he had any at all either.
Actually, some things are better than I expected. My wedding planner is exceeding my dreams.
hmmm... well i said somethings. but i guess i can take it two different ways. my "dream wedding" and what i've always wanted growing up is a destination wedding, somewhere like israel or budabest and when i met my fi i knew that was out the door (his family doesn't fly). so i changed my vision to a local garden wedding. and this is where i say that somethings have changed. we couldn't afford the beautiful garden. so pretty much our venue is the only thing that's different from the wedding with my fi that i envisioned. and it's still beautiful, and outdoors, with greenery. just not floral, and kind of small.
I started the "planning" process with the super stylish wedding blogs. I fell hard for the organic, ever so slightly rustic look doing muted blues and greens. This fit with pretty much the only thing I knew I wanted when we got engaged, which was to get married on the California coast (still doing that).
I then figured out that though the vision is gorgeous, pulling it off is NOT EASY. The details that really drew me in where expensive (textured linens, succulents everywhere, rustic chandeliers, etc.). I finally realized that with a moderate decoration budget, more vibrant colors are easier to pull off than a muted look.
I also definitely had visions of a multi-course, California cuisine meal. Cha-ching! Had no idea how expensive caterers are. Before wedding planning, I would have looked down my nose a little at anything but a seated dinner, but no more. It is hard to have a truly interesting sit-down dinner. About the only thing affordable in my area was the standard rubber chicken meal you have at any big event.
Finally, I thought I could DIY the wedding weekend with aplomb. Maybe some girls can, but I realized that if I didn't hire some help, I might kill somebody.
I voted "sometimes" because, like @Melissabegins, I never "dreamed" about my wedding growing up. However, as soon as we got engaged, I had some notions of what I wanted to have in a wedding right from the get-go...something very US and DEFINITELY in a Catholic Church (since what brought about the proposal was my Confirmation as a Catholic - that's another story). Originally, FI & I threw around ideas - DW in Paris (where we fell in love), church ceremony then reception at AT&T Park (SF Giants stadium), bride's hometown church & reception, etc. But what we finally came up with was completely different than all these ideas: TWO ceremonies & TWO receptions. One to meet the Church requirements (VERY IMPORTANT to me) & one outdoors (enjoyable for FI).
I think the BEST surprise is how much we're BOTH enjoying the planning process...FI pretty often lets me know that "this is fun," and "I'm REALLY looking forward to this." I didn't expect FI to have fun with the planning from a few posts here about absentee grooms & speedbumps between bride & groom. VERY happy about that turn of events!
@ms.pascua
I'm right there with you, one of the great surprises and joys of wedding planning has been FI's interest. Once I got my nose out of details like centerpieces and color schemes, and focused on planning an event that was fun and welcoming, he really took interest.
I never knew how expensive things were. Even after having a quinceanera. I guess then I didnt pay attention to prices since I didnt pay for ANYTHING being 15.
Our wedding is rather much like I had originally planned it, except for the ceremony. Originally I wanted it outside, near the water, but ended up with a historical church that has been a church my FI's family has attended for generations and I'm great with that! It's smaller too, but beautiful. Reception still has same feel I wanted.
It's everything I could have wanted and more.
Me personally...wedding planning isn't even fun to me anymore. Everything I wanted had to be pretty much cut out do to being broke. Having to do everything is stressful, people want to offer help on stuff you don't want help on but not the other stuff. I'm becoming apathetic about the whole thing which is sad.
I voted some because like Melissabegins & ms.pascua I never really had an idea of it. I mean sure, I used to love staring at my mom's wedding gown & pictures and stuff but I never really planned mine in my mind. I knew I wanted it to be in my family's church, that I didn't want our reception in one of the local wedding factories, and that it would not be a wallet-buster. So far, I'm pretty on key with everything, mostly it's my mother & FI who have the pipe dreams so if anything, it looks like it's going to be bigger than I wanted it to be.
@ thecolorteale - I'm kind of with you on feeling apathetic about the whole thing. What I learned? I learned I don't really care. What kind of flowers are you using? What color are the bridesmaid dresses? Are you getting tablecloths? What font are you using on your invites? Umm... I dunno. At the end of the day, I'm getting married to this awesome guy who thinks the world of me and I love him. As long as everything looks good and people have a blast - I really don't care.
I've learned that i'm about 100 times more capable of being organized about this than I ever thought. I try to stay on top of everything and know what's going on at once. I have a list of DIY stuff that I'm tackling one at a time and if I'm not satisfied, I start over. I had no idea I'd have this much fun planning it, but I don't think I could be like other people and just live and breathe weddings (planners and other vendors)... I think that would drive me nuts!
Yes, and I've learned so much from the planning thus far.
I remember when I thought a $20,000 budget was HUGE. I was sure I could easily have my dream wedding for that. But reality (and parents) set in, and I realized that's really a budget wedding in Chicago with the guest list our parents have lined up. So I thought that I could just add DIY touches, but now DIY is a necessity.
One thing I really advocate so far is planning early. I know many people prefer short engagements or planning only a year ahead, but it's really taken the stress off of me by planning early. I think there's a lot that just by throwing out onto WeddingBee I've learned about venues, vendors, DIY projects, etc that would have gone horribly awry otherwise. I also feel like planning ahead has saved me a lot of money in regards to being able to purchase things over time - instead of spending money on little extras for myself, I'm willing to put that money into cake trials, etc, which means that I won't have to pay for a wedding cake. I never would have been able to attempt that with my work/school schedule if we were only a year out.
The last thing is flexibility and a fluid concept. I don't want to nail everything down right away, because I want the wedding to reflect who we are then AND who we are now. So a lot of the decor, the signature drinks, my shoes, etc, I have ideas for, but I'm not setting them in stone.
I guess I'm sorta weird because I fully believe that I can have something that will resemble our dream wedding, but still not have to spend a ton of money to get there. I guess I'm somewhere in a delusion and the real world. I don't expect it to look like something out of Martha Stewart but I know that it'll be pretty none the less.
I never had a "vision" of what my wedding would be...but I did go into full wedding mode a couple of months into our engagement...I think the biggest thing that I learned is to have a budget, allocate, then try to fit what you want to do within that budget...then if what you want to do doesn't fit you have a choice to either go with it and spend extra, go with it and take money from another line item, or do something else...
I became more creative when I did this, and sometimes what I thought "I couldn't live without" oftentimes with a little time and effort, I was able to do a cheaper version that resembled what I originally wanted...
And I definitely mocked sites that said budget weddings averaged 15,000 when thought I could do the wedding I wanted for less than $10,000...when it came up around 15,000 I realized I was wrong
I've learned that there are about a bajillion ways to have a beautiful wedding, and just because it seems everyone is doing one kind of wedding (whether that be the big traditional hotel ballroom affair, or a vintage, rustic, whimsical outdoor wedding), it's okay if my wedding is neither of those.
I"ve also learned that sometimes I just need to chill out and stop trying to plan everything so far in advance, because it ends up stressing out my FI!
I am still learning a lot about clear communication among everyone involved. And that I need to be more independent and not look for so much validation. People just want me to be happy but when I ask for their opinion they'll give it and assume I can ignore it if I don't like it. And so I should! I've learned to set my priorities clearly and tell people what can't be changed so they don't make unhelpful suggestions. (150 person guestlist, period, so 90 person spaces are out) I really get the price of wedding stuff now, and how hard it is to avoid that, or to do anything non-traditional. I've learned to hate the phrase "well, people will expect"!
I think having to plan it on a shorter time frame helped...I couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend and every detail I painstakingly wanted was executed down to the tiniest details at our reception....
It was almost like our decision to move up the date was meant to be...I'm so grateful that my new MIL was able to be there with us and all the family was there as well to share our weekend and to be with her...you could tell she was experiencing a bittersweet moment...her son getting married, her entire family there to share in the weekend and her knowing it's possibly the last time she'll ever seen them...our wedding was exactly like we wanted and even more....
I never had a totally dreamy phase - my conception was down to earth, so I voted "no". And I can have the wedding I wanted from the beginning :)
I have to admit it will be a little more expensive than I thought, but it'll be still the envisioned wedding.
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Hi Bees!
Do you remember the days when you first started thinking about what kind of wedding you wanted, what it would look like, how perfect it would be? Those dreamy days of fun planning?
Before I really got down to the nitty-gritty, I thought I knew what was up and how everything should be. Then I started having to pay money (!) and make decisions (!!) and I've realized, man, rules and conventions are great, inspiration boards are gorgeous, Martha has amazing ideas, but they are all often far off from the real world.
I thought I would start a thread to see how the views of those in and past the trenches of planning changed. When you made the transition from "planning" by looking at Snippet and Ink, to planning by sending checks and haggling with vendors and family, what got more important or went out the window?