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Using the amazing skills I have been learning in my sociology clases, I have made some observations about weddingbee and the ladies who choose to be a part of it.
First of all, after looking at posts that focus on carat weight, I discovered that the carat weight of my ring was in the lowest 20% of all the posts. At first, that was shocking to me, and I felt sort of "inferior." I was always thought that a .8 center diamond was average. Well, after closer analysis this is what I came up with. I don't think that the average diamond size out there is 1.5 carats. I just think that when someone FEELS that their ring is smaller than everyone else's, they will be less likely to post on the thread.
For example, even though the average size center diamond in the United States is under .5 carat, a woman with that size diamond might feel uncomfortable posting because everyone seems to be posting large sizes. This is not a true reflection of average sizes. It's just that women with larger diamonds will be MORE likely to post, and women with smaller ones will be LESS likely to post.
Same with the car thing. When parousing the thread that asked everyone to state the kind of car they drove, I was shocked. About 90% of them were nice--some even luxury--cars. It seemed crazy to me, because I know a lot of the bees are still in college, are single moms, or are struggling paying off school debt, etc. I was kinda weirded out posting my car, because it seemed like the worst out of the THOUSANDS of women on the weddingbee. However, the same thing is true for this situation. I think women with nicer cars are more likely to post, and girls who might be embarrassed about the "crappy" car they drive would not want to post. Therefor, the "average" is severely scewed.
I don't really know the point of this post...I guess that's all I have to say? haha don't feel like you need to respond.....
Not only is this a sociology issue...it's a statistics issue, and as a Stats instructor it makes me very happy. It really shows how samples can vary and other underlying issues that can skew your data.
I think these are very accurate observations. I think it's often called "reporting bias." You only want to "report" your status if that status is considered "acceptable" or "praiseworthy" by the group.
I was just thinking that - woah stats! As a population science researcher I got nerdily excited about that :)
And I fall into the crappy car category, which actually made me LOL while reading @heatherrobyn's post. I wouldn't put it on here, but that's just because it's an 8-year old Subaru. Not exactly awe-inspiring lol. I get your point though!
If I had a busted car and a busted ring I'm pretty sure I wouldn't post about it. lol.
Good observation! This is also true when it comes to posting salaries and what you do for a living. I was surprised at the salarys!
or the post about how much you have in savings! I voted in the poll then ran the hell away from that post *hangs head in shame*
Exactly right - that's why percentages are often tweaked in favor of a certain outcome. The only way to get real results is to have every bee post on every topic... which will never be done. I don't think I avoid topics that ask for personal input - the topics you mentioned (carat size or what kind of car) don't interest me in the least... so I tend not to post at all on those.
I should have posted on the blog. I'm too broke to have a car. Metrocard all the way ladies! If I had a car in NYC, I'd have to be paying for parking and ish like that. Not to mention insurance and well, my nabe ain't so great for cars :)
@allisonc: I think Subaru's are the only car that acutally get cooler the older they are! FI has a 12 year old subaru. My parent's have an '87 subaru (while it's not their primary car) it still runs! FI thinks that is soooo awesome, I can't wait to join the subaru club!
I should have posted on the car thread. I have a '98 powder blue Ford TaurASS (it's my joke to make me feel better about my car haha) :)
LOL too funny - thats how I felt when planning my wedding - a lot of the time I would see something that interested me and go to post my ideas for my wedding or what we were doing but about 15 other brides would have already said that they were tacky lol. So I read a lot more than I posted lol We definitely had a small budget for our wedding - but it was a blast!
@divergirl, you're funny :) and right! An '87 one IS cool! I don't think mine will last that long, sadly, as Subarus go, I got a dud! But knowing how great they usually are, when I have the cashmoney, I'd probably buy another one. Then post its shiny newness on the 'bee lol.
@heatherrobyn: just like divergirl said, it's a stats issue. I also suspect that when you posted about feeling uncomfortable with your body, the people most likely to chime in with specific measurements were those skinnier than average. ;)
Though I think it's the opposite on budgets - there was a budget post recently, and everyone was posting about having a 5k or 10k or 20k budget whereas I was too embarassed to post that mine is higher.
Oh, social norms and statistics. Note to self - living with a social science/stats PhD student makes you overanalytical about *everything* and no fun to anyone. :P
This reminds me of about 8 years ago when I went to my ten-year HS reunion. I was really curious to see how everyone would look and was suprised to see that everyone looked GREAT. I was talking to my mom the next day and told her this and she said, "Well, yeah. Anyone who got really fat, went bald, or lost all their teeth probably didn't go to the reunion."
Its funny but in group in-person conversations, I find the exact opposite like a competition of who has the worst (fill in the blank). Someone will vent that something is bad with their salary, house, SO and everyone chimes in like yea you think that's bad...
I would definitely agree. I'm not exactly ashamed of my 03 Saturn Ion (we bought it as a lemon, so it's not even as good as it sounds :)), it's not something that I would think others would find interesting, so I didn't bother posting it. If I had a Lambourghini...I would probably talk about it all day long!
My first though from reading the OP is that is honestly one of the reasons why DH was determined to buy me a certain size diamond. As a disclaimer, please realize he could totally afford it and paid it off in a few months (since he had no savings). But he knew that I would encounter situations like this (he was thinking more in person, but I digress..) where I would be 'compared' to other women. In his mind, he quantified a larger diamond as making me 'proud to show it off' (his exact words). Of course, the truth is I wanted to get engaged so badly I didn't care if it was a pebble from outside covered in dirt!
@bride2beIn2012: we noticed that during our honeymoon! Other couples were like "you think YOU had drama, well before our wedding blah blah blah" We sort of laughed it off until comparing notes with another couple (DH had MAJOR family drama the week before we got married) and the guy half of the couple goes "you think that's bad, my dad stood up at the rehearsal dinner and announced he and my mother were filing for divorce" We were like "ok, you win hands down" Yikes!
I just envisioned myself telling my class "The other day on The Weddingbee Website there was a post about ______... is this a good representation of the population of women for...weddingbee, US, World etc" LOL
Or. There can be a percentage of people who are just private and don't wish to share all that information.
If ladies really want to talk $$$ of their ring then we should talk metal too, no?
A .5ct platinum ring would cost more than a slightly larger diamond that is white gold. A 18K white gold band will be more than 14K, etc etc.
@Gerbera: Also, my ring is probably smaller than average, but I also have NO IDEA what the carat weight is. It's not even a diamond and I don't know if they really measure emeralds the same way. I am so not a jewelry person! All I know is it is pretty and green and it suits us, and I'd never post on a thread comparing diamonds because I have nothing useful to say.
I've not posted my carat size, I to be honest don't know or care. It's small, but so am I, the bigger rings took over my hand and were "too flashy".
As for my car, I did post that, lol. I guess working in insurance vehicles intrigue me.. I have an '02 explorer (or exploder as I lovingly refer to it) ;) FI has an '87 honda accord he uses to commute it gets 30 mpg and no payment, then his gas/money pit a '76 lifted Ford. We're looking at Volvo's though, the XC90 in particular because of it's price it's thousands cheaper than buying new and we've gotta have the 3rd row due to all the kiddos.
I did notice the amound of luxury cars, and almost didn't post though. We're younger and have both been through a divorce, the truth of the matter is it ruins your credit and you basically have to start from scratch.
I don't think carat of ring equates cost. My husband bought a 1.5 carat ring off ebay for 600 bucks. Was it legitimate, who knows? Furthermore, people inherit rings. There are so many factors to consider you're just grazing a superficial surface.
Exactly. Most people are too caught up on carat size. If I had anything bigger (it's a modest size) it will look stupid on my finger.
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And there's cut and clarity too. Too much involved in diamonds and stones and metals to simply say carat size and assume a person has a better/more expensive ring than you.
Besides, it's just not important.
@sloth: Totally agree on this. Met a law school classmate on the train once. She was dripping in jewelry which to my inexperienced eye looked expensive and she starts going on and on about where she works (HUGE Midtown firm that starts folks at $175,000 so after 5 years, guess what she earns??!) and to make sure I come for the 5 year reunion for law school. Now, I have kept in touch with only 2 ppl from school and we are not really into reminiscing except about crushing school loans but you bet I didn't go. Didn't want to answer questions like "And where do you work?" "Oh, that firm, how.... nice?" Grrrr!!
@Gerbera: I completely agree as well. There is much more to a diamond than size alone. I've seen very large stones with NO sparkle at all because they are so included. And smaller stones that have SO much sparkle they are just STUNNING because cut, color and clarity are SO good.
Also it is about your finger size, style, etc as well.
I am guilty of posting in the carat size threads because I am so excited about EVERYTHING engagement and wedding related. I've been waiting 6 1/2 years for this and I want to celebrate it all (plus it's better to do it here than to people at work and end up alienating all my friends because I'm the girl who can only talk about her wedding).
And size doenst necessarily = cost. I was looking at 1 carat rings on amazon and they had them for $800. Also, a larger carat may not look good on you if you are a petite person or have tiny fingers.
And I agree with the pp who said metal cost a lot too. I have seen platnum settings without the diamond for $6,000. I thought, that must include the diamond right? Wrong. Bring your own diamond.
I also read in Brides magazine (dont know how reliable this is) that the average cost of a ring is just under $4000.
I love this post. Mainly bc there are so many ppl here on WB who are scared to post things bc they dont feel they 'size up' to ppl showing off there brand new BMW or their Tiffany & Co or Harry Winston rings. I have never been one to care about what others think of my belonging but I take very dear care of them because I work so hard for the things I had. I had my daughter at 16 and was a single mom or a long time until I met DH in Feb 2009. I appreciate the value of a dollar and know what it takes to have nicer things. Point of spilling all that was, I have noticed myself second guessing whether or not to put my ring on here to show everyone. I have a really modest ring. It a .5 carat solitaire in a simple gold band. DH didnt pay a anything at all for it. His mom gave it to him to propose with and he was suppose to take me ring shopping later. Turns out the ring belong to his great great great grandma, it was her wedding ring and I was overwhelmed that MIL would think so highly of me to pass this ring on. Well a year later we are married and I am still wearing that ring, with no wedding band and its not because we cant afford it. I just look at it like I have a ring, why do I need another one... I always find other placed for that money lol.
Wow i just noticed a lot of Washington bees on this thread, I just moved to Washington about a month ago...how neat =)
Your sample is for sure skewed! I don't post on those threads because I don't care how large people's center stones are or the kinds of cars they drive.
I LOVE that you posted this. I noticed this as well.
I knew that my ring was "above average", but when posting on the ring post my ring was "below average" in comparrision to what other women were posting. :-P
The car post cracked me up. All the women posting had NICE cars. Pretty sure I'm the only girl who fessed up to having a crappy car. I'm proud that my 1992 Chevy Lumina still runs. I don't have car payments, I never have to put money into it, It is low upkeep, and it still gets pretty good gas mileage.
I have wondered on more than one occasion how some of the women on here afford the stuff they have (luxury cars, newly-remodeled kitchens with granite countertops, etc.) while in college, unemployeed, under 25, or a combination of those. Debt? Their parents buy it?
@abbyful: I agree completely. Who can afford this stuff?
I suppose I'm 'old school' in wanting to own my property/items rather than make payments on them for the rest of my life.
I don't get the judgment on people who have expensive rings, expensive weddings, expensive cars...why is there an assumption that people go into debt or sponge off their parents in order to get what they have? I personally feel uncomfortable posting things about my wedding and my ring because I'm afraid I'll be judged in the opposite way--people will think I'm spoiled, wasteful, materialistic, etc.
Uh, .5ct ring here and a 13-year-old Camry.
But you know your sample is skewed just by virtue of this being WeddingBee. I'd be interested to see, but I'm betting that most of us are college-educated which right off the bat correlates to higher income levels that can correlate to things like ring size and car make/model.
@hilsy85: I agree with you 100%. I've seen judging happen on both ends of the spectrum.
ETA: I also don't understand the assumption that if you are young and have nice things you must either in debt or mooching off your parents.
@hilsy85: I didn't mean that all people with nice things didn't work hard for them (or had them handed over by mom/dad). I hope you didn't take offense because I didn't mean it that way at all. :)
"why is there an assumption that people go into debt or sponge off their parents in order to get what they have"
When someone is 21, a full-time student, and not working or working part-time; it's unlikely they can afford all this stuff on their own.
At 25+ and having a career, then I can see it being more plausible that they are able to buy the stuff themselves.
(I just randomly picked the age "25", that's about theaverage age for someone has graduated college with a 4-year degree and has been in the work-force for a couple years.)
@abbyful: What if the full time student worked all through high school, invested wisely, then got a full ride + extra scholarship? That could be how a full time student with no part time job could have expendable funds.
Just because you currently have no income and are young does not mean you are in debt or living on someone else's dime (unless you consider a merit based scholarship someone else's dime).
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