What, if anything, do you say to people who just didn't show up?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I haven’t had my wedding yet, but this happened at my shower – people who RSVP’d yes but never showed and never gave a reason or contacted me.  I’ve just decided to let it go, but if I see them I may say something like “missed you at the shower”.  Maybe you could say something like that – “missed you at the wedding” which leaves it open for them to say something.  I think it’s fair to mention it, but not demand an apology or reason or anything – in the end it’s really not going to affect anything and what’s done is done.

Hope you had a beautiful day regardless!

Post # 3
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

CarolinaCola:  We had I think this happen with two of our guests and they were extremely legitimate reasons why they weren’t coming. I’m so sorry that happened to you!

I don’t know if there is anything you can say that won’t result in some pretty uncomfortable and rather fruitless interactions. The ones who RSVP’d without a valid excuse as to why they didn’t come owe you  an explanation but probably won’t give you one and you might run the risk of making those relations (now already strained because of their inconsideration) more strained than they already are. Its a hard call but if it were me, I would not mention it… although I would also keep my distance from those folks for a good long while if it was possible. Who knows, when you see them they might have a valid reason and feel terrible.

Sorry that happened, but its (unfortunately) a wedding universal…

Post # 5
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

What to say to people who didn’t show up; Nothing.  Yes, they were rude and inconsiderate of you and your money, but there is nothing to be gained by saying anything.   Nothing they really say will make up for it, and most likely what ever they say won’t make it “better” in any real capacity. 

Post # 7
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

CarolinaCola:  don’t say anything. It’s not worth it and really, will an explanation make a difference? The money is spent and you have more important things ahead of you like your marriage. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  TaurianDoll.
Post # 8
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

CarolinaCola:  There’s no point in saying anthing because nothing can be done about it. You can’t redo the wedding, they can’t rewrite the RSVP and it really doesn’t matter what their reason is, and they don’t have to give you a reason. It sucks, and no shows happen… but it is really in poor taste to approach someone about it, I would just let it go and chalk it up as a monetary loss and move on and remember the fun with people who did show up.

Post # 9
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

CarolinaCola:  i agree – i think the whole “missed you at the wedding” thing is the best way to say it. because truly, you missed haivng them there, but it also brings up the obvious!

Post # 10
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I guess for me it would depend on who it was. If it was , like, fiances family friend who I hadn’t met, I wouldn’t say anything. If it was a friend of mine, I would totally say something straightforward like “why weren’t you at the wedding!?” I think it’s really rude for those guests to say nothing to you after the fact about why they didn’t come. 

Post # 11
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

What do you say? Nothing. We invited 70, had 52 say yes, and maybe 40 showed up. I had quite a few “sorry we can’t make it” texts that morning, and a couple no shows. Oh well, that’s life. It sucks, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s not like you can go up to them and demand an explanation.

Post # 12
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Misswhowedding:  I agree here. Say nothing.

This happened to me–close extended family no showed. If there was a valid excuse it was never given. I’m peeved because other people at least had the decency to tell me/my parents last minute that they were sick. The no show ended up screwing with my seating chart so my grandmother was basically sitting alone at a table. Obviously this could have been avoided if I knew even that morning that they were not coming. 

But I said nothing. If it’s your friend or someone you see all the time you can say “hey, missed you at the wedding is everything okay?” But if it would make it more awkward just say nothing. I feel like this person has to see me for the rest of their life-it’s on them to apologize or at least acknowledge it.

Post # 13
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I agree it’s rude and annoying. I wouldn’t say anything though. 

I had a old childhood friend come that I hadn’t seen in years and I invited her and her boyfriend and they both RSVP’d yes. Her boyfriend didn’t show up. She texted me after the wedding and said she forgot my gift and would have to drop it off. I told her that she should just come over and visit instead of just dropping it off. We got together and she didn’t bring a gift or even mention it…I don’t really feel like contacting her again… I think it was rude for her boyfriend not to come, and then for her to mention a gift and not follow through… why even mention it? I’m not gift grabby, but I was ticked.

Post # 14
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

 

CarolinaCola:  we didn’t have this experience but I will tell you that DH and I were prepared to NEVER speak to people again who RSVP’d Yes but then not show up. Unless they were to give us some sort of valid reason (illness, death, emergency) then I would have let it go, but if you just didn’t show up and didn’t contact me to apologize, yea, you would be on my “DO NOT SPEAK TO EVER AGAIN” list.

Post # 15
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had some no shows too.  I never said anything, because at that point, it wouldn’t help with anything.  I mean, they wouldn’t be able to come anyway and I wouldn’t expect them to pay me back for their food.  OF course, I’m usually on the “let it be” way of thinking anyway.  The no shows we had were not close friends of ours, it was extended family that my parents wanted to invite anyway.

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