Post # 1
So we finally did our list, about seven months before the wedding. And I knew it — his is much smaller than mine. His family is much smaller for one thing, and he doesn’t have nearly as many work friends/colleagues he has to/wants to invite (I’ve been at the same office for 15 years and these are all my ‘people’). I explained to him that plenty of cousins on my family list won’t come because they’re out of town, but that didn’t really help much. He’s feeling bad. We’re only looking at having about 75 people anyhow. What would you all do about this? What would you say to your FI to make him feel better? We’ve both had very separate lives ’til we got together and we basically don’t have a group of shared friends or anything.
Post # 3
I don’t know what you can say, really. This happens with many couples when one has a bigger family, and I know this is going to sound harsh, but he just has to get over it. Sorry!
Post # 4
I would remind him that the people who mean the most to him will be there, and that the number doesn’t count. There will still be a great amount of love surrounding your day. Plus your family will soon become his. 🙂 So ultimately they are all there for the both of you.
Post # 5
I had 5 family members at my wedding and he had a guest list of 85 family members. I had 20 friends at my wedding, he had 10. *My* guest list was severely outnumbered. At some point, I just kinda got over it. I felt kinda bad at first, but realistically, you can’t do anything about having a small family or having more friends. And it just made it so that on the day of the wedding, a lot of those other people were kind of background noise to me. I wasn’t worn out from spending tons of time with them (neither was he–some of these people were like, his mom’s cousins and coworkers, people he kinda only sorta knew) either, because we spent time with who we wanted to spend it with most.
It really helped to have people sit wherever they wnated at the ceremony–there were no bride’s side and groom’s side.
Post # 6
I’m in a similar situation, except my FI is the one with the larger list. There’s not a whole lot you can do about it. It is what it is, you know? I agree that it would be a good idea to have your guests sit wherever they want rather than having a bride’s and groom’s side. That may make him feel better.
Post # 7
yep, we’ve got the same thing, but fi hasn’t mentioned that he’s bummed about it. the only time it might be noticable is when everyone is seated at the ceremony. although my family is larger, and his is mostly out of state and probably won’t come, i think he just knows that everyone is there to support the BOTH of us:)
Post # 8
We have the same problem.
My family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents) = 46 guests
His family = 10 (not kidding here)
And it gets worse. We have about 30 mutual friends/guests
But… The rest of the list is my friends from high school, my parents family friends, and church families. 87 guests. Some of whom he has met at different functions and on the weekends we visit my family and go to church.
Groom: 24 Guests
Bride: 133 Guests
Joint: 30 Guests
Total Invites: 187
Guess we won’t be doing bride side/groom side either!
Post # 9
Yea i am the opposite.. i am like him my FI has more family than me. Like everyone is saying dont do Bride or Grooms side.. let everyone blend in and it will be great im sure!
Post # 10
This probably happens a lot. At my wedding, we were pretty even, but that was pure chance based on who could travel, how far we extended friend/acquaintance invitations.
At my brother’s wedding, he had 8 guests out of 100. We all sat at one table together. It felt pretty weird for him and I know he was worried about it going into the wedding and upset that so much of our family couldn’t travel.
In addition to the advice you already have been given, the only thing I can add is to make sure that you’re including him with your friends over the time headed toward your wedding. If you’re close with your coworkers, even if you don’t all hang out, tell him about so-and-so from work. And tell your friends about him, not just the wedding details. These are small steps toward combining and sharing your lives while maintaining independence and your own friends.
But, yeah, it boils down to just the way it happens sometimes that one person has a bigger family or more friends. Just be sweet about it all and it’ll be okay on the big day!
Post # 11
Ok, everyone was much more diplomatic than me 🙂
One other thing to keep in mind is that on the big day everyone will be congratulating the BOTH of you and really you won’t be counting “who’s here for me, who’s here for him?” You’ll just be so happy that you are getting married and all these people who love you are around and wishing you happiness.
Post # 12
We have the same issue but I blame it on my big Irish family. He invited 30 (all immediate family and extended) and I have 75 (that’s only immediate and aunts and uncle—no cousins). He’s been cool about it and even invited my boss on his side because he wants him there.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
I had 74 (including the bees that attended) and he had…9. with the groomsmen at our head table his family table was only half full! But what could be done? We couldn’t demand people from England attend. So we just made do with what we had.
Post # 14
IMO it is what it is, just as long as each one of you feels that you have invited everyone that you want to be there, there really isn’t much more you can do. 🙂
Post # 15
You bees are amazing. I definitely don’t want a bride/groom side at the ceremony, but how to avoid that? I guess by telling my family/friends to scatter on both sides and maybe suggest to FI that he drop the hint to his peops too. So that’s good. And I especially like the point that everyone there will be congratulating BOTH of us and it’ll not feel so bad for him at all. Also a good idea to ‘include’ him, have my peops get to know him by telling them about him even if they haven’t spent any real time with him. I am very, very careful at work tho’ not to overdo that; lots and lots of single gals here… and, you know, on match.com (nothing against that, by the way), but no need to overdo the wedding bit. so it’s tricky, but I also hadn’t realized that so many other folks had such lopsided lists too. thanks everybody!maybe the responses have helped some others out there with feelings ’bout this…
Post # 16
We’ll be having that problem too! My parents are super involved in their church/ neighborhood/ whatever and there have been friends of theirs that helped RAISE me growing up. My side, including family, is about 160 (!!! that’ll get paired down) but he’s estimating his list at around 50. Total. It makes me sad, but his parents keep to themselves and aren’t nearly as social.