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well, me and FH aren't quite married yet, but everyone says we act like it. We spend so much of our down time together, it's hard to imagine what I would do if he wasn't there. Since we are planning on staying in the area where our families live, I would probably turn into the girl version of "failure to launch" haha....
Unfortunately, this is something I have thought about on several occasions because it is a serious concern for my fiance. His father passed away when he was in his 40's from a heart attack; same for his grandfather on his mother's side. We were in early high school and his mom never remarried and has only recently started casually dating (so she's not lonely is her reasoning- understandable.) It has been around 8 years. I tell my fiance that we are exercising and eating better for both of us to try to lessen the scariness of the situation. I think we would both want the other to move on like his mom has; we would want the other to be happy, even if we weren't there to be part of it. You know, this is quite morbid, but I think it's important to discuss for the other's well being and hopefully nothing ever comes of it!
Shoot, I'd probably lock myself in my house for a while. Honestly, I'd probably never have to work again, and don't think I would want to for a while. For sure I would want to stay living on my own, I enjoy the solitude. I would also stay where we live because it's the area where we've both grown up. It may sound morbid, but we always talk about this kind of stuff, too. Or things like, would you want me to pull the plug? We talk a lot about each other's wishes if something were to happen to us, shoot, right down to what we would want to be buried in.
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My husband and I are both serving in the Air Force, if one of us died- we would continue to serve and live where the Air Force needed us to live. Once our commission is up and we return to civilian life (in five years) if one of us died, I think we'd stay in the same area. We're both from Michigan, and my husband has learned to really love the small town I'm from (and I have little desire to move back to the city/suburbs).
My husband hates having morbid talks, especially since we're in the military. I've asked him several times what he would like me to do if died regarding funeral prepartions and he refuses to answer... it drives me insane! Neither of us are in any immediate danger, but still, it would be nice to know. Mrs.Bee is lucky you're open to the morbid stuff!
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We talk about it .... just really havent gotten to the point of who will be doing what. Its pretty simple for us, in the sense we didnt move city to be together.
I think I would just keep on living (alone)... maybe make a few adjustment in my career (cause im planning on starting my own company)
I have lost a couple of very close family members in the past few years and I have a lot of residual anxiety that all funnels towards my fiance and dying. So, this issue hits close to home. I can't think all that rationally so I have no clue what I'd do.
Mr. MagPie (half) teases me that he'd go into the priesthood -- since he wouldn't want to be with another woman.
I'd most likely make some drastic life changes -- you know, do things I always dreamed of doing, but never go around to -- but then again, who knows how I'd act in that situation?
My fiance and I have talked about this a few times. He is in the Army, so everything from funeral arrangements to future plans have come up in conversations. I would probably move if anything happened to him. I have a horrible habit of running, so I would attempt it. I think I would end up back in CA.
We talk about this too. Mr. Quiche says that if he dies, he wants me to sell our condo and get something smaller and more affordable so that I wouldn't have to worry about making the mortgage payment. It makes sense, as I wouldn't need a place as big as ours with just me. I really don't think I'd move back home, but you never know!
I would also take a sabbatical and travel across Europe or Asia. I would not be able to just lurch back into my normal day-to-day life. I think it is healthy to talk about it, though!!
I told my FH if i die ... he better upgrade and get himself a hot young chick, so that way i can look down and be like... ah, so THAT is one step up from me... and feel good about myself... lol! But it is in jest... if he were to pass tomorrow... i think i'd find a way to procreate so i can continue his legacy...
Well strangely enough this happened to me... 10 years ago, 3 months before our wedding my fiance passed away after being diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer only a month earlier. So now ten years later, despite my heart being broken in two and the wind being knocked out of my sails I have met a wonderfully fantastic and gorgeous caring man and we are due to marry in April this year.
Yes, in the back of my mind I think 'could it happen again? will I lose him? would I survive this time? but I'm sharing this in the hope that if anyone should ever experience the horrific loss of their SO there is still hope for the future.
Sorry to sound so serious! On a lighter note, should I every lose my SO I would consider working for a non-profit organization abroad or become a missionary, failing that...join the circus! 
My FI and I talk about this bc well I love to talk .... I'd adopt children and instill the values we hold so that his legacy will still live on. I'd take care of his parents and anyone in his family in need and expect the same =) I love him and now we are one! (even though we're not married yet lol)
we talk about this all the time, like nearly every other day really. i have personal health issues, so it's inevitable that we'll have these convos. we both agreed to pull the plug if it came down to it because neither of us can bare to see the other suffer, even from a measily little paper cut.
FH was born and raised in DC and that's where his family is, so he'd stay. i grew up in TX and that's where my family is, so i'd probably move back assuming i could find work over there that was as equivalent to what i'd be doing here.
as far as finding someone else, that part has been touchy. we both want nothing but happiness for the other, but right now, it hurts to think that there is that possibility that either could find someone else to love, even if either were gone. we've both said the "i really cannot imagine living the rest of my life without you" thing, but how true it will be if/when either of us passes before the other... who knows. we agreed to get to that if/when the time comes. hurts my heart right now to even think about it... 
Oh I don't know. I guess I would probably travel b/c I work to help support us/secure our future together. If he suddenly wasn't here I probably wouldn't see the point in my day-to-day.
And while this is morbid, it's really good to talk/plan for these things. In fact, FH and I just signed papers for life insurance. I'd highly recommend looking into it if you haven't already. The younger you are the cheaper the policy, esp if you are under 30.
yikes. i would probably sell everything i own and move to an ashram. i hope he can wait 30 or 40 years to pass.
My fiancee and I always tell each other to be careful, wear seatbelts, etc. because we wouldn't know what to do without each other, but we've never talked about what we would atctually do in a concrete way.
I'm young (24, nearly 25), so I think I'd move from our current apartment in Atlanta (where we've lived for over 4 years together) to my home town just so that I wouldn't have to be living in the place where all of our memories together were. I think it would just be too hard to sleep in our bed without him there. I honestly can't imagine the rest of my life without him by my side, so I have a hard time fathoming how I'd function.
My fiance was killed in a car accident a year ago 4 months before our wedding date. I wish no one else had to go through that tragedy. I'm compelled to add because I thought I was the only unlucky one (I'm glad to know that it works out for hanmay and maybe it will be for me too..thank you for sharing!)
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Having experienced loss before, this is never that far from my mind. It is so painful to think of, since I waited so long to find the right guy. I can't imagine starting over, so we just try to cherish every moment and be responsible to each other for our safety.
I'm sorry for the Bees who have actually gone through this. You are strong ladies and I wish you peace and happiness.
We're not married yet and the house isn't in my name, so I'd be in big trouble since I can't afford the mortgage by myself. I'd probably stay in the Boston area though and not move home to Rhode Island. I don't know what I'd do with myself though..I'd be a complete mess.
We've actually talked about this too ... when I moved in with my fiance (then boyfriend) he put me partially on his life insurance so that I could continue to live in the condo we live in now -- we are in the process now that we're engaged and almost married to have e on 100% of his life insurance. But to be honest, I really don't know what I would do. I can really see myself just holing up and not doing much of anything for a long long time, I would just be devastated. I think I'd probably eventually move home to be with my parents. Goodness - sad to think about this Wednesday morning!
Thanks for adding your comment dirtgirl must have been a horrendously tough year for you and I'm sure that's an understatement. If it helps to talk to a stranger who maybe understands some of what you may still be feeling than email me at hanmay@mac.com, and well done for getting through the first year of horrible 'firsts'.
We haven't talked about this so I'm not exactly sure what I would do :( If FH died tomorrow, since I still live with my family I'd probably stay there... or maybe I move to MD where my extended family lives, but I don't think I could leave my friends, mom, dad and sister and especially FH b/c he'd be barried here.
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Wierd, my FI and I just talked about this! I told him to find a nice girl who would make a good mother (since I know he loves kids...) and to move on. Basically something like in P.S. I Love You (which makes me bawl every time I see it!) He got so emotional, we didn't even get around to what I would do without him (which is shut myself in a room and eat chocolate until the room filled with wrappers...)
We haven't talked about this, and I guess it's because it would be upsetting for both of us, especially me because I worry every time he doesn't answer his phone or is late, I'm so worried something has happened to him! Right now my life is in transition and I'm about to move in with FI. If he were to die, my whole world would spin. I hate my job, and we were planning on saving so if I can't find a job by the wedding, I can quit. If he were to die, I would probably be overcome with grief. I'd more than likely move back to Maryland with my parents and mourn for a few months, then think things over and maybe move somewhere new, I could not move back to DC.
This is so sad to think about :(
I would die inside. He's my world, my best friend, my everything! I have a great family that would be there no question, but how do move on when you know your SO was so right for you??
I hate when my mind drifts to this subject. I usually quickly make myself think of something else. I would be devasted. We haven't talked about what we would do yet. We purchased a house over a year ago, and I def. couldn't pay the mortgage by myself. So I'd move back home with my parents (who are only 5 minutes away). Same with him. Other than that I'd probably mourn in my room for a long time. I have a great support system, but I still couldn't imagine life without him. We've been together over 7 years now and have spent a lot of time together. He's my best friend.
I couldn't imagine that pain of loss...someone you love so much. I also can't imagine when we're old and one of us passes. Someone you've spent pretty much your whole life with is gone, and you can't bring them back. Heart-wrentching. My mom always said my grandfather died of a broken heart. He was perfectly fine until my grandmother passed of cancer. A few months later he died pretty unexpectedly.
Okay I have to go to another post, this is making me sad :(
aw you guys maded me cry :(
this topic is always on my mind, but is something that FH does not ever want to talk about. I would be so devestated, but I know that eventually I'll forget the feeling and move on...that's just what I do... i tend to forget sad stuff in the long run.
FH would probably do fine, he somehow can pretty much take care of himself and be happy regardless of what happens. He can occupy his time pretty easily and is easily satisifed too.
money wise, i think we will both be okay with the other... we're both simple and don't need much to survive on, and we both have pretty good pay potential.
I'm not sure what he would do... we started dating right after he got out of the military, so he hasn't experienced life as a civilian without me. I think he'd try to go to grad school like we're planning now. I can't imagine what it would be like for him.
As for me... I would be where I was before I met him, just with his furniture and car. I want to think that I'd move back to where my parents are, but the economy isn't good there and the cost of living is much higher than where I am now. I'm not sure what I would do, though, because my life plan has been more famil-oriented than career-oriented, so if I lost him I'd be at square one, essentially.
Well just like everyone else we have talked about this. My FI is a firefighter and he will say in passing sometimes that he wants to go in a collapse during a fire. So then I always say we are going together so as they are pulling him out I will be waiting in the ambulance to treat and take him to the hospital then while enroute the ambulance will wreak and we will die together. I know this is really morbid but it is our way of dealing with the stress of our jobs.
But in all reality I can't imagine getting that flag handed to me. Nor could I stand it. I dont know how I would make it. Would I? I am sure, but there would be many days and months and years for that matter that I never left the house. I don't think I would ever move on. I would just work and live in our house. Maybe not the healthest thing but it is the truth.
As for him I don't know. He can't and won't talk about it without getting emotional. So we don't talk about it.
But I will say everyday that I hear him get dispatched to a fire I pray he comes home and I get to see him healthy and alive in his sexy bunker gear, smelling all yummy. I pray our life is forver like that. I know that when I go into a bad scene he is always feeling the same!
Life is short! Live it up!
Sorry so long!
I actually just talked about this with my students. We're reading Romeo and Juliet, who both kill themselves when they think the other is dead. The kids all asked me what I would do if Boy died, and I honestly don't know. I told them I would be sad, but you have to move on and live your life.
Boy and I joke about this often, that if one of us died the other would have the perfect pickup line, but really we'd both be a mess without the other. I think that I would probably end up moving back in with my parents for a little while... maybe go back to school and hide out in a library somewhere, studying an obscure author.
For right now... I'd stay where I am. We're living with family until the wedding, so I'd probably be best off just staying with my parents until I was stable again. I'd probably also go back to school and try to get a Masters on top of my job, just so I would have something to occupy my extra time. I know I'd keep in contact with his family. I don't know when I'd be ok to start dating again.
Ummm I don't want to think about it! This may sound gross, but I would probably use his sperm and let his name live on. He's the last one with his family name, so if something happened to him then that's it. So I would do that, and probably take the life insurance money and buy a small house....all after I locked myself in a room and cried hysterically for at least a month
I'm facing this... My Mr Complicated has a brain tumor... I don't know what to do, how to think, how to cope. For now its just getting through each day, and hoping that that last one never comes. A couple of treatment options available, and looking into them. But high likelyhood.
Most likely occurrence? Locking myself in my room and crying, trying not to listen to music, read books, anything that reminds me that my leaning post isn't there any more.
(definition of Mr Complicated - too many kilometres between us, love the other and are best friends but both are stuck where we are, and not wanting to break our hearts by making anything *cough cough* "official" and not being able to get the hugs when theyre needed. )
Weeellll, I'd probably have to go home and live with my mom and dad. After that, I think that my FH would want me to try to live a normal life and find happiness. I would probably go on a crusade against whatever ended his life and adopt some babies. And eat lots of ice cream.
Well, from a totally practical perspective, that's what life insurance is for. My husband actually had no life insurance when we got engaged, despite having sole custody of his two kids (both of whom are now in college). I sent him down to the insurance office right away. There is now more than enough to take care of tuition for the next 3+ years, help both kids get a nice start (down payment on a house, a nice wedding for each, maybe some help with graduate school) plus pay off the house where we're living, and give me a nice cushion to do some travel, or maybe work part time for a while. I have also upped my life insurance to the same level, as our incomes are about the same - so financially it would be really difficult for him to lose me as well.
On the emotional side of things, I think you just get through it. Having got through an almost divorce-like break-up (boyfriend and I jointly owned the house where we were living - huge mistake - and then I found out he was sleeping with another woman) and a miscarriage, my experience is that if you keep getting up in the morning, eventually it gets tolerable, and a while later you find that you managed to have a day where you hardly thought about it, and after that presently you find that you're even happy some of the time. I doubt I would quit my job, as I know that when things are really bad I desparately need that reason to get out of bed in the morning, and a reason to have to concentrate on something else. Plus, I work with a bunch of great people who all know my husband really well, and I believe that they would be a great support system.
We've talked about this. He says that he would be devastated and wouldn't know what to do without me. He said that he probably wouldn't want to live. :( He's got a wonderful, supportive family that I know would take care of him and hopefully pull him out of the doldrums but it did make me worry to hear that. I guess we still have some conversations to make. And buy life insurance together, as someone mentioned in an earlier post.
As for me, I'm not really sure what I would do. I would probably end up selling our things and move out of state and be a hermit somewhere in the woods. But it's good to have both our famillies who love us and I'd probably not do something that drastic.
I am so sorry to hear about those who lost their loved ones, that must have been horrible (and still is).
We'ev never talked abotu it but I would definitely not plan to move out to SD, CA (as i would when we marry). I'll work at my job for one more year, save a ton, then go to grad school pt, move downtown and get started on my career.
And if he dies after we're married, I'll likely move back, spend about 3 months traveling, and then go to grad school. Only then would I be able to settle down and move on, but likely be back in Chicago. I'll probably remarry someone just like him.
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I know this is kinda morbid, but Bee and I talk about this kinda thing all the time. What would you do if your SO died tomorrow?
If I died tomorrow, Mrs. Bee would probably move in with a girlfriend... but keep the same job. But she'd most probably stay in NYC rather than going home to LA, where her family lives.
If I had died when we first got married, she probably would've moved back to LA (she hadn't started Weddingbee yet, so she didn't have an income after she quit her job and moved to NYC so we could be together).
How about you: what would you do if something happened to your SO?