What if I cannot get past my insecurities??

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4904 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m sorry this is causing you so much suffering.  Maybe it’s time for some counseling to dig down & get at the roots of these thoughts.

Post # 4
Member
9 posts
Newbee

You get past it by putting your big girl panties on and ACCEPT yourself the way you are. It’s a mindset. Instead of wishing for impossible things (for wrinkles to go away, for your body to be pre-baby, for yourself to be younger etc.) you live in the NOW and embrace the now!

 

My dear friend just got married this summer. She was the same as you. She cried and cried and was so upset and insecure and was just having a terrible time. Her SO pretty much sat her down and said, “If you’re not happy, then do something about it. If it can’t be done, you can choose to be miserable or you can choose to be happy.”

She chose to be happy on her wedding day, let go of her insecurities, and had a blast with a bunch of people that love and care for her. And that is the most important thing at the end of the day: that you enjoy the time around loved ones (and that includes yourself.)

 

It’s not up to anyone else to make sure that you’re happy on your wedding day. You know you’re fighting yourself. So instead of fighting yourself, embrace yourself and love yourself.

Post # 5
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

First of all, big *hugs* to you! I know what it’s like to hate the way you look, I really do. 

BUT (there’s always a but!) you need to remember a few things.

1. Your body isn’t what it used to be because you’ve had two children by c-section? Congratulations! I bet you’re a wonderful mother and that your two children love you despite of a few extra pounds and wrinkles and crooked teeth – or maybe they love you more because of them! They mean that you’ve spent more time loving your family than making sure you look pretty. And isn’t that more important?

2. You’re 43 and have a few wrinkles? Again, congratulations! You’re an experienced, mature woman who knows what she wants and has a FI who loves her just as she is! Isn’t that something? 

3. You’re getting married? Congratulations! You’ll be so happy on your special day you’ll be glowing from inside. Nothing makes a person more beautiful than happiness.

4. You’re getting married next year? Congratulations, that means you’ve still got plenty of time to fix what’s bothering you about your appearance! See your dentist about your teeth, buy a good anti-wrinkle cream, walk around in a dress and a pair of heels to get used to how they feel, watch a few girly films to get in touch with your feminine side. And ask the bees who’ve lost a ton of weight how they did it, maybe someone has a trick up their sleeve youv’e never heard of. 

5. Love yourself! Your FI does, right? Trust him, he’s got great taste – he chose you! 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@thumpurr:  Oh dear, make an appt to get your hair and nails done, get a facial, buy yourself something nice And top it all off with a cup of tea or a cocktail and relax! I know how you feel , I’m not overly girly myself but on my wedding day I felt like a princess:) I’m sure you will too. 

Post # 8
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@thumpurr:  You do that! You deserve a little pampering. Oh, and Aunt Flo? She’s really talented at making a woman feel like a dishrag! I sympathise, I’ve been there. I hope she stops coming to visit so frequently! 

Post # 9
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@thumpurr:  haha! yes definitely hormonal and getting old sucks big time! Everytime I see a new wrinkle I cringe. You’re not alone Hun 🙂

Post # 10
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I posted this awhile ago to a fellow Bee who felt that she wasn’t going to look good on her wedding day, and I think this may apply here:

I understand how you feel. I’m 55 years old and getting married for the FIRST TIME. I wasn’t going to buy a gown but my friends convinced me that yes, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to play dress up. As the day gets closer I wonder if I’m making a horrible mistake and will look like a fool…I have nightmares of me walking down the aisle and guests laughing or staring in shock. I’m not attractive, I’m plus sized as well, and I’m nervous about being the center of attention for a day.

 

But the reality is that I’m getting married to my best friend, the man who actually GETS ME after a lifetime of dating Mr. Wrong and Mr. Right Now. That is what matters. I am going to look the best I can on that day.

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sincerely-terrified-im-going-to-be-ugly-on-my-wedding-day#ixzz2gevKaQ1A

Post # 12
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Even if you don’t feel like you look your best on your wedding day, you are still marrying a wonderful man, right?  That’s what I concentrated on.  I hate the way I look.  I did not feel like a princess on my wedding day.  I hate the pictures.  BUT…it was an awseome day.  I love my husband and I am so glad to be married to him.  HE loves the pictures of me, and HE thought I looked great.  That’s really what matters.

It is nonsense to expect every woman to look like a princess on her wedding day.  If we stopped acting like it is so magical, I think it would be easier for those of us who are not perfect (um, like everyone) to enjoy the day.  

Oh, and the other thing that helped me stop caring so much: no one else in the world is going to look at you and your pictures as closely as you will.  ONLY you will see the crooked bit to your smile, the weird piece of skin here, the lump over there…everyone else will see “beautiful bride!!!!!!!” almost no matter what you look like.  Basically, we’re all crazy.  =)

Post # 13
Member
4904 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You’re right, Peachacid, we are our own worst critics.  We forget that everyone else is focused on their own insecurities.

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@thumpurr:  I think one of the best things to focus on is the fact that your man proposed to you exactly as you are now. He thinks you are wonderful, beautiful, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. If you make any little changes, i.e. losing some weight, that will only add to the great stuff he can already see.

We are our own worst critics. If I don’t lose more weight soon, I am going to be a disgusting bride. I totally feel your pain. I am just trying to focus on the meaning of the event itself, how my partner sees me, and the wonders that a make-up artist and flattering silhoutte can do 😛 Seriously, it is so hard to get past, I get you 🙁

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Whoa! Twice a month! That’s enough to mess with your head for sure. Anyways, I am certain that you will have a blast at your wedding, because you choose to do so. You seem cool 🙂

Post # 16
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

you need to remember tht your fiancé chose you. A truck driver, in her forties with some wrinkles. Not some foofy girl. He chose you and however you feel you will look he will think you look amazing. everyone wants to look their best but no one can live up to the picture perfect bride from the magazines. Enjoy the fact that it might be the only time you wear a dress. Try and get something you feel half comfortable in, maybe low heels? Don’t be someone your not. Be yourself, but in a pretty dress for a change

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