- 2 weeks ago
Hi : (
I’ve posted in the past about the issue of staying with my in laws for 3 weeks between my wedding & when FI & I move. At the moment, I live in my own place & FI lives in an “apartment” above his parents house. His brother lives with parents as well. The door between his apt and his parent’s apartment is always open so they are always asking where he is going how was his day etc. he’s 32.
I tried very hard for us to find somewhere else to stay for those 3 weeks but with wedding expenses it is just not feasible.
For months, FI has told me “don’t worry he will of course buy a lock for the door” blah blah blah. At one point he wanted to install a whole new door.
Well, now that we will be moving soon, he told me he “talked to his parents” and they’ve agreed to leave him alone. They never have in 32 years of him living with them, but this time they will.
I asked him if he mentioned buying a lock for his apartment. No, he doesn’t really want to do that because…
“what if there’s a fire?”
… what? What does that mean, a fire? Do people not put locks on their apartment doors or their houses for fear of dying in a fire? Why do we lock ourselves in the bathroom when we use it?? What if there’s a fire!!!
Now I’m annoyed because FI assured me of something & did not follow through- & on top of that he can’t even admit that he does not want the conflict with his parents (they are nice but have strong opinions). I can’t buy “what if there’s a fire”. I just can’t. “He just realized the fire thing today.” What!
Then he tells me that “if I REALLY want a lock, he can get one.” So now the privacy that we should have as a married couple, the role that he is supposed to play as a 32 year old man, the thing he promised he would do for both our sakes is essentially a favor for me. “Megrays really wants a lock so I’ll get her a lock”. He told me he would for months! He told me in front of a therapist!
I know it’s only 3 weeks. I know that. But it doesn’t change the implications of his saying one thing but wanting to do another. It doesn’t change the fact that he clearly folded when he spoke to his parents. & it doesn’t change the fact that “what if there’s a fire” is driving me insane.
I’m beyond frustrated & don’t know what I’m looking for. If you disagree with me, please be kind. I’m really upset & just need to vent.