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I was reading this post about a wife who wouldn't stop having an affair and a husband who just stuck by her and I am wondering in the back of my head what he is thinking.
I think its hard enough to find out that your spouse is cheating on you but if they won't stop, then I don't get why people would stick around. I think that would just be too much for me to take.
*shrug* here is the original post if anyone is interested in reading:
I would likely stick around through one instance of infidelity (depending on the circumstances of the cheating), but not if he wouldn’t stop the affair immediately, and go to counseling with me. If he wouldn’t give up the girlfriend, I would leave, definitely.
I think it's crap that the guy says he understands he DROVE his wife to cheat because he watched porn. Maybe he feels too guilty to leave. He's being walked all over. No bueno.
If there was ever infidelity, it'd be something we'd cross when we hit that bridge. I hold grudges and it's safe to say I won't put up with that bull. Especially nothing long term. I know when I'm being taken advantage of.
I don't need or love my husband so much I'm willing to share him with another woman. I'd rather be alone and come out stronger on the other end than know I succumed to that.
If I mustered up enough strength to try and work things out after infidelity, a refusal to end the other relationship would simlpy enrage me beyond all reason. He should run and take that baby with him.
I am a forgiving person, but I can't forgive for the same thing over and over when it violates the terms of the marriage...the toilet seat or laundry is one thing...cheating is personal.
No Way - - no matter how hard it may be at that very time, NO WAY!
The letter this guy wrote, WOW - I don't even know where to start 
Why would the cheating spouse want to stay with her husband if she didn't want to stop having an affair?
I'm not trying to turn this around, but why would she even want to stay??
In terms of the husband, same thing... why fix it if his wife has no interest in ending the affair.
OMG that is nuts. No way. I know people don't agree with me, but if it even happened once it would be over. I know I could never be comfortable with my husband (if it did that) and always wonder if he was doing it again. I just couldn't.
I would not stay! How humiliating as a person to stay with someone who obviously doesnt want to be with you! My FI had a litte fling when we first started dating with his "best friend" (which is why the Bachelor Party Woes post hits so close to home!) I forgave him and it has been over 4 years and it still hurt to think about it so if he ever did anything even remotely close to cheating I would leave on the spot...I would also take all his money hahaha jk
i know every relationship is different, but for me cheating is a dealbreaker. 100% the first time. I don't believe you can cheat and still love the person you cheated on. that being said i have never experianced it and i believe it is up to each person.
ahhhhhhhhh yes I agree, I don't know how anyone could stay in this situation. i feel sorry for the husband in a way but he must be really really desperate since he is making excuses for his wife
I could forgive cheating, but not like this... I would move out, and also beat the crap out of the other guy.
Wow that is crazy, esp for this to be a man in the situation instead of a women. Talk about unhealthy for the kid!
yeah, no way. i didn't read the article, but the entire basis of a relationship, imo, is caring about and respecting the other person enough to never intentionally hurt them, bc hurting them hurts yourself. not ending an affair = not caring that you hurt the person you're supposed to love or respecting them = not real love. imo.
If he cheated once and stopped it immediately and apoligized and went to counseling I could forgive. I couldn't forgive a second time and especially if he decided to continue the affair and not stop. I don't deserve that so I'm out I want a divorce in that instance.
Seriously? The cheating spouse has no respect for their partner at all if they refuse to stop cheating. Why would anyone want to stay in that relationship when it's one-sided? A marriage is about 2 people who are dedicated to each other, not one person who is dedicated to another while that person is dedicated to someone not involved in the marriage at all. That is valid grounds for divorce and should be pursued. Life is way too short to stay in a miserable situation like that where no one is happy.
No way!
Even when I caught my ex cheating and stayed (the first time), I made him end it with her while I was there! I wanted PROOF.
@daydream: i remember that happened with someone i knew and they made their boyfriend end it with the other girl in front of them but found out later he was still cheating, the other girl had no shame
Once cheating happens, the trust is gone and it's not coming back. If you choose to lie to yourself and say you'll be able to trust again that's your call but you're relationship is pretty much doomed. IMO if you stay with a cheater( ESPECIALLY a cheater who refuses to stop cheating!) then you're a total masochist and you aren't giving yourself the respect you deserve.
um what is the point of the marriage exactly?
i second zippy... id be a HELL NO!
I forgive things pretty easily. Infidelity is the one thing that I won't forgive. It's a deal-breaker (and a heart-breaker). Not matter how much I loved the person, I couldn't even get past that hurt and betrayal.
...umm, no way. I'd have a hard enough time forgiving cheating in general, but if my SO didn't want to work it out/make it right/stop cheating, then what would be the point?
Eeek. This gave me the creepy-crawlies.
I can understand forggiving a one-time instance of infidelity, particularly when there are underlying isues like the ones in this scenario, but not without confirmation that the affair is absolutely over.
Absolutely not. I mean, every "one-time" circumstance is different, and I'm trying not to judge those who have suffered and gotten through an experience of infidelity... but I can't imagine staying with someone who refused to stop cheating!
I would be GONE.
For me, cheating isn't an immediate deal breaker. I think the biggest issue here is that she was ready to leave him, and emotionally and physically left the relationship to cheat, based on his watching porn. Now she's expecting him to act differently than she did, by staying around and "being her friend" when she is the one cheating. She didn't stand by him tow ork through things, but is asking that same thing of him in a more extreme situation.
It's hard to say what I'd do in that situation, because my spouse watching porn wouldn't be a huge issue for me, certainly not to the point I'd leave him. I think she's using it as an excuse for her own poor behaviors. But if my spouse was cheating and refused to stop, I'd move out with my children. I wouldn't necessarily file for divorce, since I feel that marriage is for life, but if counseling didn't work and the affair continued to go on, I think I could get to the point of filing for divorce.
I find this something very very serious and encourage you to have a discussion in boundaries w/your partner b/c I divorced my ex h b/c of his infidelity.
I gave him a few months to go to counseling (we didn't have problems, even the counselor agreed) but I caught him yet again and went to file for divorce.
This is something that your partner has to know is a dealbreaker. It is/was for me, and my FI and I have firm firm firm boundaries set in this area. I think having boundaries in areas such like this is good. Many think it's negative to discuss what you'd do or your partner would do in such a scenario, but it is healthy to get it out there.
My Fi knows without a doubt, if there was even a hint of infidelity I'd be gone. I will not ever tolerate that behavior.
I would not stay in this situation, but I could envision a situation where I would stay with a man I had kids with if he admitted cheating, and then we negotiated some form of open relationship, AND he actually stuck to the boundaries I gave him. So three conditions: 1) he would have to come clean, 2) we openly made a mutual decision (no threats), and 3) he lived by the agreement. This situation would never fly with those boundaries.
I think this is SUPER unlikely with my FI, he is very pro-monogamy. I don't require monogamy, but cheating is anything outside of the rules of the relationship, IMO (so, for some Bees that might mean dancing a certain way with a person, for others it might mean having sex with someone else in a certain way). So really, I guess I couldn't take cheating, but I could take negotiated non-monogamy, in specific circumstances.
But I would probably always walk due to cheating if there wasn't a kid.
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