Post # 1
I really need to finalize my wedding party, but I’m torn. I have 3 sisters and no brothers. I have four close female friends that I’d really like to include. My FH wants to have his sister as his “best man,” and then he has two other Groomsmen (including his dad and a guy friend). He has some additional guys he could ask, but I think he feels a little like it’d be level jumping on their friendships. He doesn’t have any brothers.
That leaves us with 7 Bridesmaid or Best Man on my side and a Best Woman and two Groomsmen on his side. Also, I’d really like my nephew to be ringbearer– I don’t know where he goes, but he’s really young so positioning him near his mom seems smart. We talked about him having my BIL (conveniently, the nephew’s father) but again that would be kind of just to add people and not because he really felt close to him.
I’m not big into tradition or this-has-to-be-this-way in the least. But that’s really unbalanced. I’ve thought about giving the friends readings to do instead (the standard suggestion) and one will do a musical performance. But they’ve been my good friends for a really long time, and the idea of them not being my bridesmaids kind of makes me sad. Plus one of them has public speaking anxiety, and I can’t think of anything that she could do that doesn’t involve talking in front of crowds (other than the guest book, but come on, that’s totally lame). I don’t think I can do some of these 4 friends and not others– that would cause hurt feelings. We’re having around 100 guests, so that’s the other part of it– is 7 just too big of a wedding party? I never thought I’d have such a big wedding party– I’m not a big wedding party kind of girl– but with 3 sisters it really adds up.
My fiance has some female cousins whom he is close to, but while he likes the idea of having his sister as his best man, he thinks it’d be weird to have more than one woman as his attendants. Thoughts? Has anyone been to any non-traditional weddings where the ceremony line-up didn’t emphasize symmetry so much?? I am all about doing things differently.
It drives me crazy that the traditional wedding line-up assumes that the bride only has female friends and the groom only has male friends
Post # 3
I have 4 Bridesmaids & my daughter who wants to bring the rings and walk the dog down the aisle
My Fiance only has his 2 brothers as his ushers.. he does not even want to pick a bestman… he has pretty much all female friends as well…
I personally am not sweating it… I will figure out a way for everyone to walk down the aisle and that will be it.
Post # 4
I think it’s ok to be super uneven…I keep telling myself that anyway.
Our wedding party looks like it is going to be 6 bridesmaids (2 sisters and 4 really great long time friends), and he has two good friends to be his best man and groomsman. Naturally everyone keeps telling me to cut out my friends so it will be 2 and 2, but I love my girls!
We both come from families of sisters and I have tried convincing him of having his sisters up on his side, but he is very stuck on the idea of that being “weird”. I don’t know how to convince him!
So unless he changes his mind about girls on his side, we are going to be 6 and 2 standing up there. 🙂
Post # 5
Whenever I doubt or question an idea of mine, I ask myself “Is this going to be something where, at the end of the night, people think ‘wow, that was a great wedding, except for ______,’ or will they not even think about it when all is over and done with?” My answer usually determines whether or not I go for it.
I feel like having uneven bridal parties wouldn’t make any difference. And, neither of you will have someone up there with you that isn’t a big part of your life.
Post # 6
I would add your BIL, not to create balance, but because he is your BIL. I don’t see anything wrong with having uneven bridal parties. But if I would include family (siblings and their spouses) and a few friends and leave it at that.
My FH and I only have 2 friends as bms and gms each. The other 6 are siblings and close cousins, and we left it at (even though some people wonder why we didn’t ask them).
Post # 7
My friend had 7 bridesmaids on one side and there were 3 grooomsmen. There were supposed to be 4, but the best man got deployed at the last minute.
The 3 married bridesmaids walked out together and the unmarried bridesamids walked out one by one. The boys lined up at the altar beforehand. It was not a big deal at all. It was like a 3-some all night, the 3 married girls, lol. Well, you know what I mean. I don’t think anybody thought it was strange and it looked fine in pictures.
Post # 8
My fiance and I are having 6 on his side and 3 on mine. I don’t think its a big deal. This is not including my brother in his party, he will be our usher (which I think my brother would prefer).
Post # 9
I think 7 and 3 is great! We had uneven numbers (5 BMs and 3 GMs), and it worked fine, pictures look cute, etc. If anyone thought it was weird, they didn’t mention it to me 🙂 IMO you should have the people you want to stand up with you as your GMs/BMs, and you shouldn’t add people just so that both sides are equal.
Depending on the age of your nephew, you might not want to make him stand up front for the entire ceremony. I had my young nephew as a ringbearer and his mom was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. He walked down the aisle at the beginning of the ceremony and then sat down with his dad. My stepdad is a pastor who has performed lots of weddings, and he encourages brides to have their very young ringbearers/flowergirls sit rather than stand – it’s a lot easier on the kiddos.
Post # 10
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
It’s becoming clear that what I want is to have the 7 BMs, and that I care very little about symmetry. BUT my fiance seems to think that it’ll make him look bad, having so many fewer GMs than BMs– like he didn’t have enough friends to ask or something. Would anyone actually notice/ read that much into it/ draw that conclusion? I don’t want to do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable on our big day, nor do I want him to feel pressured into asking people he doesn’t actually want up there?
Thanks for the suggestion on the ringbearer. I actually talked to my sister (his mom) the other day, and she said the same thing– that there was no way he was going to stand still for anywhere near long enough. 🙂 Oh well, he’ll look cute walking (or being carried) down the aisle.