Post # 1
I’ve been wondering for some time what is supposed to go on an invitation, and how to include all the information you feel the guests need, and make all the requests you’d like, without the invitations become long, and bossy. For example, I’d like to make it clear that only those people who’s children’s names are listed are permitted to bring their kids – I don’t want to make a blanket ban on all children, but we’re not inviting very many kids. Or, some single people are being given dates (those who don’t know many people at the wedding), but others are not (those who have plenty of other friends showing up and don’t need a date to keep them occuppied). Also, my fiance and I have different cultural backgrounds, so his side of the guest list only gives money as presents. We are not having a gift registry, and I feel that for my side of the guest list I ought to specify this, but this might come across as rude to his guests. Has anyone had a similar situation or any suggestions for how to address these issues?
Post # 3
The rules that come along with wedding invitation take care of your problems. Now, some people might not be aware of the rules, but lets give them the benefit of the doubt. Your invitation will most likely consist of the invitation card & envelope, a reply card, and possibly reception card, information card etc.
The invitation itself usually consists of:
BRIDE’S PARENTS request the pleasure/honour of your company at the marriage of DAUGHTER to FUTURE SON IN LAW, date, time, place (and maybe “reception to follow” or something similar).
The invitation in the most traditional format has two envelopes: The outer envelope with the parents names, and the inner envelope with the names of everyone of that family who is invited. E.g. it should read “Miss Jane Smith” on the outer envelope and “Miss Jane and escort” on the inner// “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” on the outer and “John and Jane Doe, Lizzy and Peter”. Many people forgo the inner envelope- so you could write all the names on the outer envelope (a point of discussion), or on a bellyband to make clear who is invited.
Another option is to (although not traditional) include a line on the RSVP card saying “4 seats have been reserved for you” or “___ of 4 are attending”. That way no one can add to the number.
The registry is a sticky topic. Etiquette says that registries should not be mentioned in an invitation, as presents are completely voluntary and it comes accross as gift-grabby. Traditionally word of mouth (mothers of the couples etc) was used to spread the info of where a couple was registered. These days it’s common to direct guests to a wedding website for additional information, where registry information is easily accessible.
If I understand your dilemma in regard to different cultural gift-giving traditions, his side gives money and you side gives registry gifts? Will his side be unhappy if you have a registry and does your family expect a registry? I think that monetary gifts don’t exclude having a store registry. Registries are only suggestion lists and nobody is forced to buy off of them IMO. Many people include a little line such as “You presence is present enough” on their registry page.
Post # 4
Thank you so much, this was so helpful. And so thorough!
Post # 5
@szaerpoor: You’re welcome!