Post # 1
I’ve hit that age where everyone seems to be engaged and getting married one after another! I’m getting married this October so I also have my own wedding to pay for out of our own pockets. Expenses are rough and all my asian friends also want money for their gifts. They all keep mentioning to me how much per person it is, and I’m feeling a bit stressed out as I cannot afford to give everyone a few hundred. At the same time, I know they would most likely return the same amount back to me at my wedding (I assume), but I dont care as much as long as they show up and wish us the best. So my question to you all is, how much money do you give to your “good” friends? Me and my FI started our own online business a couple years ago, and things are really slow right now in terms of sales and money. What should I do? I know its considered an insult to give your good friends less money. Also, do you really follow the goodluck increments and give even amounts ending in 8 still?? Like $88, $168, $268, $388? I just want to make it simple but at the same time we cant afford all the weddings we have this year on top of our own which we are paying for ourselves!
Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
@dianeanthony: when we opened our red envelopes, we found that it usually was about $200 a couple. Even though we had many traditional/old school attendees, they did not give the usually “8” numbers, even for the tea ceremony. i am also short on cash, so for the two of us, I’ve been giving $100– either cash or in the form of a giftcard.
Post # 4
Hm…I think in this day and age, you don’t have to go by the 8’s. My family members give me 50s and 100s and stuff like that for things like graduations. Even my grandma. And she’s totally the quintessential Chinese grandma. Just make sure nothing ends/involves 4 and I’m sure you’ll be cool. Even though they’re Asian, they’ll probably understand that it was ridiculous to cram 3 $1s and a five and a couple twenties in a red envelope. They might not even be aware of the auspicious background of the 8 if they were raised here.
I say give what you can and hopefully they’ll understand that you’re not financially in a position to give any more. But that you will support them by attending their wedding and celebrating with them. Enjoy that Banquet dinner!! They’re the besttttt.
Post # 5
Oh, and also, if you’re not Asian yourself, you’re not obligated to put it in a red envelope! You’d probably have a hard time finding just one anyways (they come in packs of like..50).
I mean no racism or ethnic insensitivity at all by my following comment:
Generally speaking, Asians don’t expect their non-Asian friends to abide by or follow their cultures and traditions. It might be fun to research it and try to get involved, but if you get it wrong, they won’t hold it against you! I don’t even REALLY expect my own Asian cousins to be that Asian-y when it comes to my wedding/gifts. So just do what you like and you’ll probably be fine!
Post # 6
@Mewcakes: Actually, both me and my FI are both Asian. I just bought a pack of red envelopes yesterday, and its funny because they sold me a pack of guess how many??! Yes, 8!!! hahaha..i felt ripped off…I thought I bought a pack of 10 ….thats what made me think of the dollar increments to give and ask about if people still do that nowadays…
Anyways, we usually do give at least $150, $200 or $250 per wedding we go to depending on the relationship.. But I have a good friend getting married this weekend, and I remember giving her older sister the lucky increment amount like 7-8 years ago…I am just wondering what other couples haVe been giving to their friends. I wanted to see if that is just standard.
Post # 7
I have questions about this too! I can probably get a red envelope from a friend easily enough. I can’t make it to the wedding. Is it appropriate to put a cheque into a red envelope or does it have to be cash? If cheque is ok, what amount should I make it? I was planning on giving $50, but would $58.88 or some other amount be better?
Post # 8
@AB Bride: Its usually cash but you can do check too. The “good luck” increment would be anything in even dollar amounts (example: $68.00 or $88.00). But nothing with 4’s as that is the number for death. However, you can do whatever amount…whether youre asian or not. Jus do what you feel is right..$50 is fine too especially since you’re not attending their wedding.
I am also wondering if there are any other Bee’s that have been giving more or less cash due to their own wedding expenses??
Post # 9
I’m altering the amount partially because I’m getting married. Normally I’d give more, but don’t want them to feel like they need to spend the same amount. Also, this is a coworker (we’re all students) and some coworkers won’t give much for gifts. I didn’t want the amount to stand out from the group. If I were actually able to attend I might have given more, but probably something like $88, less than a typical wedding.
Post # 11
We normally give $150-200 for the both of us. But also depends on where the reception is. If it’s at a much more expensive location I would increase it to at least be able to cover whatever portion of the meal we eat and then the gift on top.
Post # 12
I think it depends on your financial situation. The last good/best friend wedding I went to, I was still in law school, so I couldn’t afford to give too much. I gave her $88 (in a check) for both me and my bf. If a close friend was getting married now, I would probably give about $108 or something like that.
Post # 13
The GENERAL rule of thumb is
$50 – if not attending
$100 – attending but not close ie co-worker
If you guys are closer i would suggest like $200-300 avg
I don’t think the amount has to be in 8’s aka $88
Post # 14
Usually $100 per person from your family who is attending. At least that’s what I remember my parents doing.
Although – my mom recently gave me a red envelope with $168 and told me to never spend it so that it would bring me good luck. 1-6-8: yi -liu – ba which becomes yi -lu -fa. Path to properity.