(Closed) What is a Co-MOH and when is it okay to have one? Please help!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Ask current MOH (not supportive) to step down : (1 votes)
    11 %
    Ask other best friend (supportive) to be co-MOH : (8 votes)
    89 %
  • Post # 4
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee

    Just to share my situation, my Maid/Matron of Honor is by no means the most involved / supportive of my BMs. Actually, I’ve found that there is little correlation between how close I am to a particular Bridesmaid or Best Man and how involved she is in the wedding. Rather, a couple of my BMs are interested in weddings in general and thus have really stepped up to help me out, throw shower/bachelorette, etc. I am so grateful to them for this, but I didn’t feel like I needed to ask either to be Co-MOH after the fact. 

    My Fiance is having co-best men, and it seems to be working fine so far. The key is just to treat them both equally. So I might go this route if I were you. I’m not sure that I would ask my Maid/Matron of Honor to step down before trying to figure this out with her. I would figure out what expectations you have for Maid/Matron of Honor and what expectations she has. I think often brides think that an Maid/Matron of Honor should be super-involved in the planning, always ready to offer advice + help etc. Where as the Maid/Matron of Honor might be thinking her only responsibility is  to buy a dress and maybe throw a shower. So she might think that she’s doing fine as Maid/Matron of Honor even as you’re frustrated at her lack of availability. If you are very clear with her about mutual expectations for the role, maybe you can meet somewhere in the middle. I would just remember that your other Bridesmaid or Best Man may be more involved because she is more into weddings in general than your Maid/Matron of Honor. But this doesn’t make either of them a better or worse friend! 

    Good luck! 

    Post # 5
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I was in a wedding where the bride was in a similar predicament as you.  Her best friend was not being supportive, and as my friend had had a long engagement, they were no longer even that close at the time of the real wedding planning. 

    She and I are very close, so she asked me a few months before the wedding to be her other Maid/Matron of Honor.  She gently explained to her other Maid/Matron of Honor that she just wanted to honor our friendship by doing this, and she was still welcome to be a co-MOH.  She also said that to her that if she no longer wanted to have the responsibility, she was under no obligation.  The girl ended up staying Maid/Matron of Honor, and we just both had that role through the wedding plannng process. 

    I think that if you just explain to your current Maid/Matron of Honor that you want to honor your frienship with the other by having her in that role as well, that might help her accept this without feeling defensive.  She’ll also have an “out” if she just isn’t up for the resonsibility and wants to step down.  It worked out for us and it was a great wedding with no hard feelings! 

    Post # 6
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am having co-MOHs at my wedding!  It didn’t seem right to choose between them since we were always a trio since we were little girls.  So far it is working out just fine, but they are also close friends with each other so have no problems planning things together.  I know its a little unconventional to have co-MOHs, but friendship trumpts tradition in my book!  They are both helping me with decisions etc, are planning the shower/bachelorette together, and will make a speech together at the wedding.

    Do these two friends know each other or are they friends with each other?  I think if they are also friends then it would make things easier.

    You said you never asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor, but has your friend mentioned that she thinks Maid/Matron of Honor is her role?  Perhaps she doesn’t really know what her job is if it has never been talked about?

    Post # 7
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I have co-MOH’s but they are both my sisters and I couldn’t choose between the two of them. 

    But honestly one of my bridesmaids have been the most supportive.  I wish I could have 3 moh’s!

    Post # 9
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think asking her to step down is not right.  She hasn’t done anything wrong.  While she is supposed to support you, I think she has to some degree.  If you feel that you want another Maid/Matron of Honor to be involved ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

    I have a Maid and Matron of honor.  Each have helped in their own ways.  One of my other BMs has helped tremendously as well in her own way. 

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