Post # 1
So i’m having a bit of a problem… I am planning my wedding to be fun, as inexpensive as possible, something that makes sense to those coming from out of town (90% are), and comfortable for both families as well as friends.
This is difficult in itself, but I feel like the generation I come from somewhat feel this ridiculous sense of entitlement and become evil and selfish when things like weddings come up… I understand that our generation expects the world to be handed to them but a wedding is a celebration of love that you and your partner are putting on for other people… not a party where you somehow deserve to be spoiled without spending anything and expecting others to give you everything just for falling in love. This may seem negative but the expectations of having a wedding are honestly too much for me. I hear so many girls complaining that their engagement ring isn’t good enough or big enough, that they are going into severe debt to pay for a princess wedding that no one can afford, that they expect gifts and money from those who aren’t even attending. Am I the only one who feels that our generation of entitlement is ruining the idea of marriage? The most key part is the person you choose to spend your life with and preparing for it emotionally, financially, realistically. Marriage isn’t about one day, it’s about a commitment to share your life with someone. I feel like in the last few years importance has been more on pleasing the bride, ignoring the groom/other bride, having the biggest and best party, looking the prettiest in the most expensive gown. There is little thought being put into the actual marriage/life after the wedding.
Sorry for the rant, it’s just very overwhelming! Am I on my own with this? 🙁
Post # 3
I think weddings CAN be like what you described. Aka: A typical bridezilla episode. Sometimes in the midst of all the wedding planning you can lose sight of the real importance, which is the fact you’re getting married. I just don’t think they are all like that. I think a lot of brides just want to create a beautiful day for themselves, their groom, and loved ones.
Post # 4
@gracetravel: No need to apologize for your rant, most of us have had it at least once. You can have the wedding you want and you deserve to. My advice is to throw everything out the window about what you should do and think of what you want to do and what’s important to you. A wedding is just one day, a marriage is a lifetime. It sounds like you’re doing awesome realizing this now and gaining a good perspective. Keep that in mind and I think you’ll do great! (and don’t worry about apologizing for the rant!)
Post # 5
Am I the only one who feels that our generation of entitlement is ruining the idea of marriage?
No. I think there are entitled jerks in every generation and I meet them more often in older generations than I do in the millenials/gen Y. I think saying it’s generational is super silly. There are always going to be people out there who strive to compete with the Jones, who feel like the world owes them everything, but don’t want to work for it.
I do, however, think that there is more pressure on people today – of all ages – to have this huge @$$ expensive wedding. You know, the whole wedding industrial complex thing. For heaven’s sake, we’re having this conversation on a theoretical corporate entity entirely devoted to weddings/marriage.
I also think that people who are obnoxious and (for example, on Weddingbee) post crazy drama or self-centred posts are a lot more memorable than the literal THOUSANDS of posts of people who are here to get support on how to build and maintain a healthy marriage and family dynamic. I actually see a lot more committment to making a dynamic, balanced marriage among my friends “our age” whereas all of our parents are divorced. So, again no, I don’t think there’s anything in this generation that is “destroying concepts of marriage.” If anything, I think it’s the opposite. The dissemination of technology just makes the outliers more apparent.
ETA: I had a private wedding (DH, myself, photographer, and the priest) on a pretty small budget and another bigger, low key “anniversary party” to celebrate with family and friends a year later. I’ve seen lots of bees in the several years I’ve been here with modest (or even tiny!) budgets, a lot of DIY, and etc. It all depends on the couple, their means, their family, regional and cultural traditions.
Post # 6
I don’t like the current trend in weddings either.
So much money, so much decoration, so many guests, so much everything, and for what purpose? I don’t feel it enhances the wedding vibe.
I’m happily opting out though and so it doesn’t bother me much, but what annoys me is that niggling sense of “but WHY don’t I understand why they ALL want this?”
I’d be 100% fine with not wanting what others want (rather than the current level of 99% fine) if I could get a really good sense of why they want it. Just in case I’m really overlooking a really excellent reason why it would be a great idea to make your wedding one of the most costly expenditures of your life. I mean, there’s often wisdom to a crowd. But on the other hand, sometimes the crowd is going off a cliff. So, there’s that.
I’m hoping it’s just beecause when I was being a magic warrior girl who could fly as a kid, they were “brides,” amd now they have the opportunity to bring their fantasy to life (because I’d totally spend a ton of money and effort on bringing my “magic flying warrior girl” fantasy to life if I could).
Post # 7
@gracetravel: If you want awsome reading on the topic pick up One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. It’s a great exploration of what your talking about (I’m not sure if it’s still in print since it came out a few years ago).
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
I’m glad I had the image of my wedding before I joined the Bee because after being inundated by images of glamorous pins and elaborate deco I feel I have to strive to keep up with the trends…
and then I give myself a mental slap.
But seriously, I see a lot of posts from selfish, entitled Bees. But then I also see hardworking, money-saving, busy DIYing Bees. So there is hope yet!!
Post # 9
Thank you all so much– I was starting to feel like a complete jerk for feeling this way. I was one of those little girls who wanted to play bride but once I met my guy, I was just so happy to spend my life with him. We have worked very hard to be together, overcame many obstacles and he’s more of a Bridezilla than I am 😀 I am just happy for everyone to have fun and I am certainly not a wedding planner. I guess it’s just the fact that once you actually start planning, things become a lot less fun than you expect them to be, especially when people start giving input and judging. No matter what input our families or friends give us about the actual wedding, my focus is on how to live our lives happily AFTER the party. Thank you all again for your input and suggestions!