- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I’m a regular poster BUT of course, this is kind of private and I want it to be anonymous.
What happened: I found an email from my fiance asking a woman on craigslist personals to send him sexy pictures of her. It was dated in October ’09. Yes, we were planning our wedding already.
I wasn’t snooping. I didn’t even think about that. I was looking on my laptop for an image and this popped up when I used the search button.
What I did: I woke him up and showed him the email. He was about to start talking – lying! – but I stopped him. I told him that I could take a lot, but don’t disrepsect all that we have worked on and what we are to each other by lying to my face. I told him to go back to bed and keep silent if he couldn’t talk about it right now, but not to lie to me, especially now.
Later: We did talk. He admitted it. He “didn’t know why” and he “hates himself for hurting me” and he “doesn’t know what’s wrong with him”.
Backstory: We have been going out for 8+ years. Back in ’04, he cheated on me (kissing a girl in the bar) and I found out (the girl was my friend who didn’t know he was my boyfriend). I confronted him and he lied, and lied and lied. To my face. So we broke up for three months. When he finally admitted it, we took a long time and talked it through and we decided that we wanted to work it out. One of my “rules” was honesty. I need honesty from him in order for this to work. And no cheating. I don’t need a dramatic relationship like that – I want and deserve to be with someone who treats me right and who I can treat right.
Anyways, we worked that out. And I made the choice to stay with him. I have three brothers and they were all “It wasn’t cheating! It was just a kiss!”. Yeah. That’s cheating in my books. Getting physically or emotionally involved with a person who is not me is cheating.
My dilemna: The email was sent. It was never replied to. I haven’t found anything else. Do his intentions count as cheating?
I feel betrayed. Humiliated. Shamed. It certainly *feels* like he cheated.
But nothing physically or emotionally happened.
For now, I haven’t made any drastic choices. I said that we would take a couple weeks and talk and be honest and be open and then we will decide what to do. What is best for us.
Sometimes I feel that I am “too much” for him. That I am too strong, too independant. That this is his way of “punishing” me. Yet we talk and we are open and I thought we were in a good place and he always says that he loves that I am determined, that it pushed him to be a better man.
I’m a bit lost and standing still.
I love him. He’s a good man. He’s a wonderful partner (aside from this). He makes me a better person. I can still look at him and say that I love him.
That’s another issue.