What is going on!?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@blushbambi:  I think you need to tell him that he needs to stop saying things like that. That you are happily attached and it’s disrespectful to try and engage you in conversations of that nature. A real friend will understand this and just want you to be happy. I think that you are a stable figure in his life and that you are kind of a “what if” for him. Now that things are clearly not working out for him he’s revisiting what he *almost* had with you. I think that’s totally natural (to an extent) but also it’s just too little too late. If he can’t respect that you have moved on and are happy then you will need to take a step back from the friendship until he can figure out if having a friendship is enough for him or if he’s always going to try and cross lines with you.

Post # 4
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds like your friend is unhappy in his relationship and he’s grasping for straws with all that he’s texting you. Honestly, I think it’s a bit disrespectful for him to go on about all of that when he knows you are planning a wedding. 

It’s nice that you are there for him since he is your life long friend, but his unhappiness is something he needs to deal with in his own relationship. Your friends baby doesn’t complicate your relationship with your FI. It’s your friends baby and his life to deal with… with his GF. You are both with other people so I don’t see how any good can come from him telling you his feelings now. Unless you have doubts about your FI (in which case that’s also something to deal with) it’s probably best to make it known to your friend that you’re not interested and he’s being inappropriate. Don’t let his misery distract you from your own happiness.

Post # 5
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

 @PetuniaPie:  +1, exactly.


My EX from high school used to do this type of thing to me all the time. Over the course for ten years! He was always popping back up telling me we were meant to be together. Only way I got him to stop was by never responding to his messages.


Post # 7
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@blushbambi:  Sounds just like my EX. He was always saying things like that all the time “You never know” or “Your like my Rachel and I’m Ross, we’ll make back together someday” …I don’t think he ever realized how much it messed with me. To this day part of me wonders if he’s suddenly going to come back and say something before I get married. I cut him out of my life a few years ago now but we still have mutual friends. Thankfully, as far as I know he’s in a happy relationship now with a great girl.

I would tell him 10 years down the road you’ll be celebrating your 10 year wedding anniversary. If he doesn’t stop messaging you these things, stop responding to them.

Post # 8
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

BE BLUNT. Just tell him you’re so glad you’re friends but you’re happily engaged and if he keeps saying stuff like that you won’t be friends anymore. It’s inappropriate and he needs to know you will not tolerate a friend disrespecting your relationship like that. 

Post # 9
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it’s time to drop the ‘friend’. Yes, your fiance is fine with you two being friends, but I’d bet he wouldn’t be too happy if he heard what your friend said. How would you feel if one of his exes came back and started talking about how much she missed him, the good times they had together, etc?  Just tell him you’re sorry he’s having a rough time, that you’re happy in your relationship with your fiance, and that you won’t be able to maintain contact. And tell your fiance what he said. You do NOT want that coming back on you.

Post # 10
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@blushbambi:  my ex said stuff to me like that a couple of years after i started dating my now-DH. i straight up told him that he fucked up, to suck it up and to quit speaking to me that way if he wanted to remain friends. he’s a nice guy and all, but i made a commitment to my now-DH and was not going to let a bunch of issues my ex has with his life mess up my relationship.

but i’m craycray like that…

Post # 11
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you need to tell him “coulda, woulda, shoulda”, it is all in the past now.  he made a mistake and he doesn’t like the consequences but he can’t drag you into it.  you are happy and planning a wedding to a wonderful man who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

you can remain friends, but if he doesn’t stop bringing up the past, you might have to keep your distance.

Post # 12
41 posts

Are you 100% happy with your fiancé and can imagine the two of you raising kids and growing old together etc? If so, nip this shit in the bud and cut contact.

No good ever comes from ‘what if’ as it’s always romanticised in our minds. Just remember, the grass is always greener on the other side as it’s fertilised with bullshit. Not saying this about you in particular, but you get the idea lol.

Tell him you’re happy, you’re never going to change your mind and you’d appreciate him not contacting you. 

Post # 13
876 posts
Busy bee

hmmm. I had this same situation from both sides. An Ex used to get these kinds of messages from his ex. I finally realized that he didn’t put a difinitive stop to it because he liked the ego boost. It made him feel good that this woman was so *love-sick* for him. I came to that conclusion because my ex did the same thing to me when I was in the early stages of a new relationship. It really struck me how full of himself my ex had to be to think it was okay to be so completly dismissive of my new partner’s feelings and our boundaries as a couple. I cut my ex off pronto.

Now, with my almost-husband, we’d been together about 8 months and knew where it was heading and that we had a future together. He had an ex that he still had a passing aquaintance with who realized he and I were getting serious and she tried inviting him to a couple of random things to which he declined for both of us – as in *no sorry, we won’t be able to come but thanks for asking us*. Then one night, in the midle of the night, she sent about 30 cray cray texts to him that he found in the morning and immediately showed me. They were all about *how special their relationship was* and *the wonderful and deep connection they had* and how *that doesn’t come along everyday and it deserves another chance* and – yeah. Like I said. Cray cray. And the man I love more than anything for many, many reasons texts her this *I don’t know what you’re talking about. We dated for like, 6 months 8 years ago. Get over it. I’m head-over-heels in love with Interchangeable and this is grossly disrespectful to her, to us and to our relationship. Don’t ever contact me again.*

Actually, another ex who he’d been friends with for years was pretty full of herself. She sounds like your guy friend in that she thinks she’s more important to you than your significant other is because you’ve been friends for longer. Gotta love the smug. Anyway, this chick actually drunk texted me one night to put me on notice that *just so you know, if I ever want your man, I just have to snap my fingers and he’s mine*. Interesting. I wonder if he knows that? Here, let me show him your text. Look honey, smugbitch says she just has to snap her fingers and you’lll dump me and go running to her. hahahahaha He texted her 3 words. *Lose my number*. She tried texting, calling and so on and he never responded. Haven’t heard from her in over a year and a half. Keep snapping bitch. Funny thing is, I didn’t say a single word to him. I just showed him my phone. And he didn’t say a single word to me. Just picked up his phone and sent her that final text. Done and done.

I gotta say. If some woman was sendong those kinds of declarations to my man and he wasn’t shutting that shit down unequivacably, I would have an issue with that. I work as a bartender and am surrounded by men hitting on me 24/7 and I never for one second let them think thye have any hope in hell of a shot at a relationship with me now or ever. And I flat-out tell them when they are being disrespectful to me, my husband or my relationship. If someone can’t tow the line and respect our boundaries, they aren’t in our lives. Period.

Also, regardless of what you think of his *baby momma* (wow. the disrespsect flows both ways here, huh?) there is a child involved and it really behooves you to have some respect for their relationship too. I would never put up with a man in a relationship making those kinds of declarations to me. It’s beyond not okay. I don’t understand how you aren’t shutting it down and telling him it has to stop immediately. It’s so disrespectful to your partner and his.

Post # 14
6788 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@blushbambi:  I think what you should do is tell him you’re engaged and go on with planning your wedding. They had a baby together, they have a family now. Tell him to sort it out with her and to leave you out of it.

Unless of course, you aren’t happy with your relationship and you want to be with him..

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