Post # 1
Few things make me angrier than being told to calm down. It has to be “a thing” because if you google “tell a woman”, “to calm down” is the first thing that pops up. My husband tried this gem on me yesterday when I was getting irritating with someone. Nothing makes me boil faster. My husband claims he didn’t know calm down is on the do not say list. How do men not know this?
Post # 3
Oh it drives me crazy. When I read this article I feel like it explained it pretty well. I made my husband read it.
ETA – also I voted for “more angry” but I didn’t realize that irate was an option, that would have been mine!
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
It pisses me off even further, because when I’m agitated, angry, pissed off, whatever your term is, I’m already doubly pissed because I sometimes have issues controlling my emotions, so I’m already putting a significant amount of energy in attempting to calm down and work things through. When someone else says “calm down” I want to scream “WTF do you think I’m trying to do?!” But that just forces the person who said it in the first place to repeat themselves or look at you like you’re crazy. It’s maddening.
Post # 5
@Natalieh86: Same! I didn’t see irate until after I voted.
My fiance and his brother will argue about certain issues in politics with me. They frequently say, “You’re getting emotional, you can’t argue emotionally.” AND I GET SO ANGRY. Because no, I am not getting emotional. I am passionate about the subject. I am thinking just as clearly and reasonably as they are — I just happen to be a woman, and I just happen to disagree with them.
Post # 6
UGH. That is the WORST thing to say to someone when they are already clearly upset/irritated.
Post # 7
I hate it. FH rarely ever tells me to calm down though because he knows how angry it makes me.
Post # 8
I will also admit that I have used this as a method to demean the person with whom I’ve arguing. Mostly fiance. It’s really effective. =(
We don’t fight like that anymore, though, because we’ve learned to actually listen to each other. THAT’S a huge positive!
Post # 9
It depends on the situation. Sometimes I like to be told to calm down if I am actually being ridiculous, but only by my husband. He doesn’t tell me to calm down unless I am actually being unruly.
One time I was at a restaurant for lunch and ordered a beer. The waitress asked for ID but she apparently didn’t recognize a Quebec ID (we were in Ontario) because she immediately said “I cannot except this”. I answered with “Oh, I don’t understand, why not?” in a very level, calm (even quiet) voice and she responded to me by throwing her arms back and loudly saying “Just calm down! I’ll get you your beer, don’t worry about it!!” It made me extremely angry because she was acting like I was out of control and made a scene when I was completely calm.
Post # 10
Sometimes it helps… but most of the time it makes me more angry. Why? It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to be upset at whatever made me upset and that the other person thinks I’m behaving like a child. UGH. Irritating.
Post # 11
The only worse thing to say is “you need to get a hold of yourself”. I’ve used that one on more than one occasion (not in my relationship) and it has the potential to make someone EXPLODE. I said it to a drunk, crazy woman on NYE who was getting aggressive.
Post # 12
Haha, I dont think my Fiance has ever told me to calm down, but it would probably piss me off. I think I’ve said it to him, probably pisses him off too!!
Post # 13
“Calm down” is quite possibly my most hated phrase at the moment. I had a student who told me to calm down one day in class after I got upset with him for not doing his work and talking (this was after his fourth warning). I turned to him, and told him that there are three people he should NEVER say calm down to: your teacher, a woman, or a pregnant woman. Then I told him that considering I was a pregnant woman teacher, he better retract his statement and apologize, or he would really need me to “calm down”. It was one of those satisfying moments where the entire class ended up laughing at him.
Post # 14
TOTALLY depends on the tone. Sometimes if Darling Husband is being sincere and lots of sweet words follow, it’s not a big deal. Other times, though…watch out!
Post # 15
Yeah. It just pisses me off more and then I want to be defiant.