What is "playing house?" Please tell me.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I 100 percent agree.

 

Post # 5
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Agree x1000!

Post # 7
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bmo88:  Sorry, but I disagree. I did not want to cohabitate without engagement happening in the near future. Yes, I would have to clean and do all those things living on my own, but I did not want my boyfriend to think that he didn’t have to commit, and still have someone around to clean up after him. I’m wililng to split chores, of course, we share this space, but I did not want to resent feeling as though he got all the benefits of cohabitating while ignoring my needs (marriage).  It sounds as though in your case, you lived together for 6 years and that was your choice not to get engaged. We had been dating for 5 years, and I had to make a choice– move 500 miles away to be with him and limit my career options– or break up. I moved, and I expected a proposal to follow (this was discussed). I was not in a position to “play house”– in that, I was not ready to cohabitate and do all those things unless it was leading to marriage. I would have resented it, that I was/am underemployed, doing all the housework (he’s a grad student and works 60 hour weeks)– essentially being a “housewife” without being anywhere near a wife. I’m glad what you had worked for you, but I don’t think it’s fair to say this is “role playing.” 

Post # 8
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@bmo88:  Wait, if we’re not married, can I pay my rent in monopoly money?!

Post # 10
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree. Even people in crappy relationships with people they aren’t going to marry…they aren’t playing anything.

Post # 12
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think there is a possibility that you misunderstood what she was saying…

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@bmo88:  agree 100% !!! And to the person who said they couldn’t move in with their partner until marriage/engaged because they didn’t want their partner to think they didn’t have to commit ? Seriously is living together , paying bills together not commitment enough, buying a house together ETC . Just because you are married doesn’t mean anything is set in concrete.

Post # 15
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@love108:  I think you would have been more of “housemaid” than “housewife”. Why does it sound like you were using cohabitation as leverage? Is that really how relationships still work?

 

To OP: agree, and in response to your rhetorical question, “playing house” is for those women who don’t feel that they offer anything in a marriage except traditional housework roles. They do! They really, really do! But they’re so stuck in some sort of traditionalist time warp that they can’t see it.

“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I’m sorry, but why the hell are we still referring to ourselves as cows?! My man knows that I cook because I love cooking. I clean the floors because my dog is short and he’s allergic to dust and I don’t want him to keep coughing all night. But there are days I’m lazy or sick and without asking, he picks up the sponge and the dishes are done.

When I go out of town, he’s not completely shit outta luck and he’s had the pleasure of experiencing that a few times. He cleans his things, does his own laundry and helps in the kitchen when I ask. We’re two adults, trying to survive in this crazy world.

There is no “playing house” anymore except to those women who find men who haven’t gotten their heads out of the sugarcoated ideals their parents and grandparents have handed down to them.

I apologize for offending anyone, but I’m really sad that these “roles” still exist and there are so many traditionalists who miserably swear by them.

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