- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Things couldn’t be more of a mess for me right now! Here’s a “brief” summary.
FI and I got engaged 8/08 — FI’s eldest brother did too, the week before. We were forced to wait til their wedding was planned before uttering a word of ours. End result — We couldn’t openly plan our wedding or be openly engaged until 07/09 so our “happy engagement” was ruined.
FI and I set our date 08/09 for 10/09/10 — We had to change our date several times to appease his family. This date finally worked for everyone and so I went and bought my dress, paid the deposit for the photographer and the church, met with our priest and signed papers with him and we were just about to enroll in the necessary pre-marital classes.
FI’s middle brother caught the wedding bug and toyed with the idea of asking his gf to marry him. He intended to have his wedding really really near to ours, making family members on FI’s side feel overwhelmed and FMIL was backing out on the cash she promised us as a “gift,” saying she would need to split it between us and middle brother AFTER FI and I had already factored it into our budget, leaving us to figure out where to get that money without her.
FMIL suggested that FI and I have a “secret” wedding and plan to have our ceremony later when we can afford more since FI is also buying a home at the same time we are saving for our wedding.
FI and I agreed that was the best idea and canceled with our photographer and church and gave up 10/09/10. We planned a small, immediate family only, ceremony in Vegas, informed the ones who needed to know and then FMIL had a change of heart and told us we should just wait til 2011 to get married.
FI and I stuck to our guns and he and I were going to secretly (for real! just us 2) get married in the courthouse early next year.
FI’s middle brother just popped the question to his now FI and now I am getting it rubbed in my face that they are engaged and planning and I have to wait. Middle brothers FI had the nerve to invite me to go with her while she tries on dresses (we don’t get along. she likes to make me feel inferior to her.) only because she knows it will upset me to sit and watch her plan her “princess wedding.” Her daddy is paying for the whole thing and she gets whatever she wants so she likes to rub that in my face too.
FIL’s have convinced my easily swayed bright eyed FI that he can afford a home for a lot more than the price range we are looking at. We are only looking at places 50K under his pre-qualification because it is not logical to spend more on a home that he intends to live in for only 5yrs to turn a profit.
If he does find a home at the top of his budget, we will be living paycheck to paycheck and will have to change our lifestyle to accomedate the mortgage payment and bills.
The solution to this problem?! — Stay within our realistic budget. Right?! WRONG! FIL’s have convinced FI that he needs to sacrifice having a life outside of his home in order to have a home worthwhile with equity later on. YOU KNOW WHAT?! I understand that to a certain extent BUT he is already going to trade in his “beloved” car for something cheaper, taking as much overtime as he can get, working a second job and cutting down on a lot of the activities we used to do.
Even with all those sacrifices he has made already, he cannot reasonably afford such a massive mortgage (even with my help) and he makes pretty good money.
FIL’s also insist that FI does not marry me til 2011 0r 2012 because his job will take more out of his check for adding me onto his insurance and being able to pay for the stuffy expensive mortgage will be much more beneficial than having a wife. They also suggest he gets a roommate!! WTF?! FI actually agrees with them on all of this!!
He said he would rather have a nice home (you can have a nice home that doesn’t break the bank or change our lifestyle. AND not to forget that this isn’t our “lifer” home. Its a 5yr home) and a roommate than get married to me as planned and possibly be taxed more money.
HE ACTUALLY TOLD ME THIS!!!!! He would rather sacrifice our lifestyle and privacy to have a “perfect” home for 5yrs rather than get an affordable home that isn’t so perfect (but could be), keep our privacy and not change our lifestyle drastically or hold off on our wedding for 3 more years!
I can’t imagine that taxes are less beneficial after you marry (if you file correctly). I just wish he would stop being so superficial and materialistic and show more concern for our love life and future as a couple. Instead, he wants the best home, best car, a roommate and no life. He can’t see how starting small (with a loving wife) and working our way to the top is beneficial to him and his wallet.
How much or how little did your taxes change after marriage?! Is it really a better idea to not get married if you are trying to save a bit more money? I feel like my life has come to a dead stop… Advice please?!