What is the Best Way To Help Fiance Quit Smoking?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@freshflowers:  I told him I wouldn’t date him if he smoked. He quit the same day. I find it so disgusting and refuse to have it in my life. 

Post # 4
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

He is going to have to want to quit, and you can’t make him do it. The best help you can give is to tell him that you’ll support him when he is ready, and that when he’s ready you’ll need him to tell you what support he needs, then don’t being it up again. You can make a few rules like no stopping for a cigarette in the middle of dinner or while you’re together doing XYZ activity, and I think it would be reasonable to set a budget or insist that cigarettes are bought only from his money and not from joint/household money, but beyond that, he will never be successful quitting until he wants it for himself and not for you.

Post # 5
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You can’t make him quit. He’s going to have to want to do it. It really doesn’t matter how expensive it is or how much you hate it or how risky it is, it’s an addiction and your pure dislike won’t be enough.

If he doesn’t want to quit, he won’t.

Post # 6
Member
4894 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsPanda99:  +1

 

My DH isn’t a smoker and never have been, but I’m so grossed out by smoking that I would never date someone who was a smoker. The downside is that I’m guessing he was a smoker when you started dating? It’s sort of hard to tell someone “I don’t like how you are anymore, change” – especially with something like smoking where they don’t WANT to quit. 

FWIW, people who don’t want to quit, won’t. My own grandmother burnt my eye (cornea) with a cigarette when I was a small child, on accident. I ran right into her hand, and it went right into my eye. I almost lost my vision in that eye. Everyone in our famiyl was convinced it would be enough to make her stop – and here she is 25 years later STILL smoking. 

 

Post # 8
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you didn’t want to be with a smoker, then you shouldn’t have dated a smoker. If he doesn’t want to quit, he’s not going to quit. Get over it or move on.

Post # 9
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He needs to want to. My grandparents died of lung cancer. While we were dating I told him it wasn’t my business, but as soon as it was (once we were engaged) I needed him to stop, it was a non-negotiable for me. He wanted to quit so he agreed. He started trying to quit before we got engaged, but really started in earnest successfully. He tried a few things before he found what helped. For him, it was the patch and Wellbutrin. For his cousin it was gum, for his brother it was vapor cigs. One of my friends quit by taking up bike riding – he always smoked while walking between his classes/office/home, etc. For FH, the patch worked best bc he had constant nicotene replacement, if he went too long between gum, the craving would get too strong. The wellbutrin was bc he was writing his PhD, and like lots of phd students he was self-medicating with nicotine to up his energy and concentration for work. I supported him, told him how proud I was, and offered to split/cover the cost of his nicotine replacement. I didn’t check up on him or pester him, but I think my family history gave him a good punch in the arm of guilt to help with his motivation. Nicotine itself has no bad health effects except it can raise blood pressure a bit which is only an isdue if it’s high. So he’s taken way longer to taper down on those than they say, but it works for him. He was quitting at a very stressful time, so just not pushing the timing really helped.

Post # 10
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My dad quit for 10 years before starting again. FI quit, but I know that he could start again at any time. It’s just something I have to accept.

He says smokers can only quit for themselves, when they want to. 

Post # 11
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

FI and I got in a fight one day and I blurted out how much I despise smoking and that he needs to stop. He did instantly. 

I was also very supportive during the process. I bought him an ecig, put up with crabby mood swings, baked him treats, anything he wanted. It was hard but he did it cold turkey 

Post # 14
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Feist:  I wanted to +1 the possibilities. I have known several smokers who ended up using nicotine replacement long-term. Many people want to turn their noses up at it, but if it keeps them off of cigarettes and carcinogens, it’s wonderful. Electronic cigarettes are a great alternative, but most people are misinformed or uninformed about them. My uncle chewed nicotine gum for 15 years, but he never went back to smoking.

Even with these methods, he still has to want it.

Post # 16
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@freshflowers:  yeah FI did NOT like when I talked about it. I’m told my grandfather was the same way.

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