Post # 1
I have 225 people on my invite list, but I am 90% sure that at least 75 of them won’t come (we are also having a reception where most of my fiance’s extended family lives, and many have said they will come to that only). I feel fairly safe making plans for a wedding of 150 max, but my mother is worried, and I can sort of see her point. Does etiquette allow us to send invitations to family only (about 150) and wait for rsvps declining, and then send out invitations to our friends? That way people likely to talk to each other would all receive theirs at the same time. We would send the first group out 7 weeks ahead and the second group 5 weeks ahead. I have been obviously on the C-list before and I don’t want anyone to have that feeling!
Post # 3
If you do it the right way that is good. I would suggest maybe sending the family invites even 8 weeks early. I am not sure how you would be able to send the invites A list and B list only 2 weeks apart. How will you know the response of the A list at that point?
Post # 4
We have a small B list but as soon as someone declines we’ll be sending the invite out but we have two separate dates on our RSVP cards. A rsvp is required to be sent to us in August while the B rsvp is required to be sent to us in September. And the B listers will not get the save the date…obviously.
Post # 5
Good topic! I have no idea how to handle this, too!
Post # 6
There is no situation in which they are not considered rude. Even with the best-laid plans, people will find out that they were not good enough to make the A list and feel that you only want them there for a gift. That may not be your intention at all but that is how it comes across.
Post # 7
I have a B list too and I know some people already know that i’ve sent out the invites already, we’ve gotten a few ‘no’s’ but now im afraid they will be upset
Post # 8
I think B-Lists are well known these days – considering the economy people can’t afford huge weddings anymore – the trick is making sure your guests don’t know they’re on it. We have a list of almost 300 people, there’s no way we can afford everyone so we HAD to create a B-List.
I think it’s fine – you just have to leave a pretty big window to the RSVP date. Send out the 1st invites much earlier so that when you do send out the others, those people don’t feel a rush to RSVP. Only having 2-3 weeks to respond is a red flag that you’re b-list. Remember too that you’ll have to chase some people down to get their responses so you want to allot time for emails, calls, etc. too.
Post # 9
I would recommend the big RSVP window, or better yet, maybe even leaving the date blank, because now that my B-list are being sent out, the RSVP date has passed.
Post # 10
The family first approach is really the best way to go with a B-list. The hard part is sending out invites in two batches to people in the same rough circle of friends. If you can send those invites out together, you’re fine.