What is the hardest thing you've had to overcome in your relationship?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@evropawed:  death, suicided to be exact, trust issues, family problems (mostly just issues with his family and me) and a various of other personal problems.. I’ve learned the most important thing is an open line of communication and dealin with issues as they occur, and not holding in your feelings and allowing them to build to the point where you just blow up. 

hearing other people tell their problems wont make your situation any better though, btw.

but just in case you need it: you two will be fine, if you are meant to be, then it will be. nothing blocks fate ! *sending hugs all the way to Aussie land*

Post # 5
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ooof…how much time do you have.

 

6 months into our dating relationship, DH had a friend murdered on duty during a botched warrent execution (DH is a cop). That was one hell of an introduction into what it truly means to be a cop’s girlfriend/fiancée/wife. Baptism by fire is the only was I can describe it. 

my many illness that have prevented me from working

the financial fallout from said not being able to work

DH’s multiple job related accidents that resulted in 3 surgeries in 10 months

finding out he will no longer be able to do his job due to aforementioned injuries

dealing with lawyers and city attornies dragging their feet on the retirement process

having DH work light duty full time & go to school full time, so he’s putting in 80 hour weeks

initial bumps in the road and learning how to communicate effectivly, going to marriage counseling

deciding to move across the country (I was born and raised where we currently live) so I can be the sole breadwinner while DH goes to school

finding out that we need to use IVF if we want to have our own biological children

And most recently, the sudden death of my younger brother as a result of a drug overdose. 

we’ve married just under 1.5 years and some of this happened before we were married.  I figure if we faced down the for worse, for poorer, in sickness part of our vows this early on, we are meant to be together.  We’d have been ripped apart long before if we were not so compatible.  We keep telling ourselves that since we’ve had such crappy things happen early on, we are due for a good long period of calm, happiness, and prosperity.  I can only hope God hears our prayers. 

Life goes through ebbs and flows. Perhaps now is just a low point and things will turn around for you..I wish you all the best, OP.

Post # 6
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

we did long distance while I was in university, and I ended up cheating on DH (then boyfriend).  It was a one time deal and although we didn’t break up right away, it ended up really tearing up our relationship obviously. We then took some time apart and tried dating other people. We had been dating since 16 and I guess I had been curious because I’d never been with anyone else before. After a few months, we got back together, made the agreement to start on a clean slate, and have loved only each other ever since. We are actually kind of thankful for these bumps because they made our relationship stronger. That was 8 years ago now. 

Also, my mom has been dealing with cancer for 11 years, and I started dating DH 3 months before she was first diagonosed. He has been there for absolutely everything. Every tear, every meltdown, every happy result. A few years ago, my mother was in the clear, but then we were told her cancer was back. Around the same time (within a week) his father had a massive heart attack and was in a coma for three weeks. We had to lean on each other for serious support. Both of our parents are alive and well today. 

My DH and I have learned to work as a team, and that our number 1 priority is the other person. I am not proud of all of the choices I’ve made in our relationship and neither is he, but it makes our relationship what it is…. the strongest bond I’ve ever felt , that’s for sure. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Mainly ongoing health problems. It has definately been a test, that’s for sure!

Post # 8
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

Two things. 

1.) Gambling. In the beginning of our relationship he was addicted to gambling. At first I didn’t know how bad it was, I thought it was just a bit of a hobby. At times he would be gone at the casino for 8 hours. He’d start and lose track of time without calling me. And one time he took $500 out of our account to go gambling at 3 a.m. Thankfully he turned back around and drove back home, but it shows you how strong his urge was. 

His whole family is addicted. His mom, dad, and brothers would spend days at the casino. Through rain and sickness. His mom would pawn all of her jewelery to go gamble. His dad once sold all of their furniture and left to Vegas to gamble and lost all of the money. 

He said growing up he never knew if they would have food or a place to stay because his parents would often lose all of their money. His oldest sister basically raised him.

I’m so proud to say he isn’t like that anymore and hasn’t stepped foot in a casino or gone gambling in two years. 

2.) His family. Particularly his mother. To put it simply, she’s racist. She has said some of the most terrible things about me based on my race and has even tried to hit me before. I tried for two years to be kind and treat her with respect and hope that through action I could change her opinion on how she feels about my race and what it represents to her. I gave up. We’re so much happier without her and most of his family out of our lives.

We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary yesterday. I feel like the things we have gone through together have made us so strong. He’s the love of my life and I can’t believe how lucky I am that I snagged such a kind, loving, amazing man. 

Post # 9
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We have been through it all pretty much, apart from cheating. Six months into our relationship was the closest we came to calling it quits but he surprisingly changed. The problems arose from his drinking problem but he quit when he saw it was going to be a deal breaker. 

We have survived a broken engagement, lies, health problems, my depression from the health problems, three near death experiences, a crew family tragedies, an unwarranted arrest (all charges were dropped), poverty to the extreme (before DH finished school), and a crap ton of my families problems.

as long as you don’t give up, never stop trying, your relationship can continue healthy. But you both have to be willing to work at it.

Post # 10
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I guess we have been pretty lucky thus far. We have struggled with his brutal work schedule. We had to learn to prioritize our time better. We are still working on it. We have struggled readjusting our roles to include parenthood. We are still working on it. But for right now, we have been lucky and haven’t had serious marriage shaking issues. For which I am grateful. Our time will come though. 

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Nothing major. We lived over an hour apart when we first met, so he moved in with me. I didn’t like a lot of his friends for various reasons, so he dropped them. I have some very sick family members currently and there are a lot of demands on our time. We’ve both been laid off since we met. I think just usual stuff, nothing like addiction, abuse, cheating or any of that. I’m not convinced I’d stay in a situation like that. Life is too short. 

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina:  So sorry about your brother.That breaks my heart.

 

In the time my SO and I have been together we’ve worked on jealousy (first mine, then his), an old college friend of mine OD’d, and last week his grandfather died whom he adored. Im thankful we’re closer now, on the other side of these awful things. Im sure theres more to come.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would definately say trying to blend our family. DH has a teenage daughter whose “Mother” abandoned her at around age 6, after telling the daughter that it was her fault she was leaving, when in fact it was because the “Mother” chose drugs over everything else. (When we met, SD was 15 years old and was sleeping in her father’s bed because her bedroom was so messy that you could not find the bed under all the mess….)  DH wanted me to step in as a Mother  but when I tried to parent, he often gave in to her because he always has in the past. All she had to do is cry, and she got her way. It was actually very nauseating in the beginning because she used it to con him and get whatever she wanted.

She used to speak (and occasionally still will)  to him with utter disrespect and it was obvious to everybody but the two of them. Their old relationship often reminded me of a marriage type situation where she was so rude and demanding like a bitchy wife, and he was always walking on eggshells trying to appease her.

DH also has a son, who was just turning 18 when we started dating and the son was a total a##hole to DH, but luckily he had joined the Marines and got sent to his duty station about 5 months in to our relationship. I don’t know weather I could have taken all that crap from 2 kids at once…So I was glad things worked out like that. His son was 100 times worse then the daughter for some reason….

Needless to say it was a very difficult struggle, but it was so worth it! DH is the sweetest and most honorable person I have ever met in my life!!! HE raised both of his kids on his own and I have the utmost respect for him!!!!

Post # 14
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

For us mental illness while we were long distance, and I nearly died while we were long distance. The mental illness is an ongoing thing that we both have (he has depression, I have depression and anxiety). Right now I’m worse, but I’m medicated which is really helping, but he’s not doing the best and is unmedicated and not in therapy. We did all 4 years of college long distance and during our Junior year I went into anaphylaxis multiple times from one of my laboratory classes. FI was not a fan of those few months and actually demamded my roommate take me to the ER when she walked into the room during a Skype conversation. I think it was 3 ER trips in a month and it should have been 4, but I refused to go the 4th time and handled it myself. Having these kind of issues when you are hundreds of miles apart and can’t be there for each other is really hard, but it really refined our communication skills and we don’t ever get to the point of arguing anymore.

Post # 15
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We have been very lucky so far.. Knock on wood. 

We were best friends for just over a year before we decided to try a real relationship. Litterally a month into our new relationship we found out we were pregnant. We ended up loosing that baby, but that was tough for a brand new relationship. Sortly after we lost thst first baby we decided we really did want to be pregnant and have a child so we got pregnant again (on purpose). We had our son the day before our 1 year anniversary. 

We’ve had difficulties with pregnancies since then. I’ve been pregnant 4 other time (besides the initial 2) and I’ve lost all of them. That was hard. 

Weve also bought and sold homes and had our share of money issues, but nothing major.

Overall we’ve been very fortunate, nothing serious (in terms of death, illness, addiction, etc) has happened to us during our 8+ years together. 

Post # 16
Member
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think our main obstacles have been long distance, though we handled that pretty well, and DH’s depression. 

DH also ran into a tax issue that ended up draining his savings, which was difficult, as well.

Challenges outside our relationship (my mom had cancer, I’ve lost a few relatives, his grandma has alzheimers, etc.) have been easier because we were together.

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