- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I feel like crying—the moment the wedding seems to be coming together, something else pulls it apart. The moment Fiance and I get excited because we actually agree on something and figure out how to pay for it, other perspectives rain on our parade.
Background: Families are completely spread out. We decided not to base our location decision around any one person/family. That being said, grandparents are different. Our parents and siblings will come no matter what–even if it’s a crazy location/destination. Grandparents, however, are such a tricky element because of health issues, travel restrictions, money, etc.
I have 3 grandparents still living, but Fiance only has 1. And this 1 is his grandmother he is extremely close to. She also thinks the world of me–so much so that she was inspired to pass on her own diamond to my Fiance in order to push him in the direction of proposing after all these years. This after many of her other grandchildren had hinted around about wanting it, but all ended up just buying e-rings. I love it so much, and it’s so special that she wanted me to join the family that badly.
When we started our researching/brainstorming about wedding locations, one of the very first things I did was contact FI’s mom to ask whether or not the grandmother was able to fly. FI’s grandmother lives in Florida, but my 3 grandparents live up north. 2 of those grandparents can fly and are in good health, but 1 is not. I didn’t want to put this 1 grandmother’s needs over FI’s grandmother’s needs, since I do have 2 other grandparents who should be at the wedding no matter what. The reply I heard regarding FI’s only grandparent was “Sure, she still flies/travels.” Of course you never know what illness/accident could happen a week before the wedding, but I felt safe planning a northern wedding closer to my grandmother who cannot fly, since FI’s grandmother should be able to fly up north.
Five months later: Fiance and I are (FINALLY) ready to make the deposit on our venue in the north. Literally the day of, we suddenly get word from FI’s grandmother, who has heard about our plans, and says there is no way she can travel up north on our date because of the cold weather.
Wow—myself, Fiance, and FI’s mom hadn’t even considered this. All of us had no idea that during the last trip she made in the winter, apparently the cold really affected her and though she will still fly/travel, she thinks it unwise to do so in the cold. (FYI–there is almost no chance of snow in our location/date, but it will be cold. We want a Christmas wedding, so we are not really open to changing the time of year.)
So now what? Do we abandon our perfect place, perfect date knowing she won’t be there? Everyone keeps telling us to “do what we want“, “do what works best for us“, and “remember what’s important“. However, we’ve also been told what is most important:
“The union we are creating together and having those who care most about us there to witness it.”
Well, it’s pretty much impossible to have everyone we care most about there to witness, since some elderly relatives will be left out no matter what location is chosen.
And that statement doesn’t jive with us “doing what we want”. Everytime I’m attempted to just do what we want–or go a step further and actually elope and REALLY make it about us–I remember that a wedding is about family and Fiance and I joining each others’ families.
So…what did everyone consider to be the most important aspect(s) behind your wedding decisions?