What is the next step?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I suggest seeing if he felt like popping down to the courthouse for a close family elopement. A lot of the time what a twice divorced person doesnt want is the carnival that comes with a wedding. It can be too much, too expensive and they have been there done that. If what you want is a marriage, I see nothing wrong with talking to him about that. I think that he may be more receptive to that idea. Discuss it adult to adult. Don’t approach it weakly and be prepared for him to need some time to think about it. Offer him time. Plant a seed and ask him if you could talk about it again in a few days time when the idea has had time to fester. Good luck!  

Post # 3
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What happens if he gets really sick or in an accident and you aren’t able to visit him in the hospital whenever you want because you’re not married?  What if something happens to you, then where would your daughter go?  There are many benefits of marriage… and if your daughter’s father isn’t in her life, SHE also needs this, and you should consider him adopting her.

Post # 4
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like you just need to talk to him and say that you two have grown close, and the more time you spend together, the more marriage seems like a good idea, especially with such a concrete position in each others’ lives – plus for the reasons listed above.

My SO and I said “I don’t know if I want any(more) kids” when we first started dating.  While dating, I decided I wanted one, and he agreed… now I want 2 more!  And he’s hesitant, but we’ll decide that later 😉  People change… it’s just what happens.

Post # 6
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

DarkWater:  

Make a deal with yourself to strike up a serious conversation with him about the practicalilties and benefits of marriage. Talk about it from your perspective but be open to why he is hesitant and ask him what you could do to alleviate his fears.

Post # 7
Member
3377 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

DarkWater:  With all that you share together, it seems to me that the legal protections of marriage would benefit you. I would approach him about it. Talk about what his specifc concerns are regarding not wanting to get married, is he afraid of getting another divorce? does he want to avoid the pageantry? something else? Tell him how you feel and how your opinion of getting married has changed. Lay out the benefits of getting married; he can adopt your daughter, you’re protected should something happen to one of you, etc. You said that his opinion against marriage was already softening, so maybe he will be willing to try it again with you.

Edited to add: I think a lot of people who have gone through bad marriages tend to look at marriage itself as the bad guy, when most of the time it was the people involved, not the institution of marriage. For a couple who are meant for eachother, marriage itself is not going to ruin that. Perhaps he needs to realize that it is the people involved that make the marriage, not the instutition. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  SithLady.
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