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You and your fiance should be making this decision. Where does he stand in all this? Does he agree with his parents are is he allowing them to call the shots in order to not displease them? You and your fiance should be having the wedding both of you want, not the one his parents, your parents or either of your friends wants. You should speak with your fiance come to an agreement and stand as a united front against any disent.
Good luck!
My fiance just wants me to be happy and will side with me regardless of what kind of wedding I choose.
He knows how I feel about his family and so he said he will be more than happy to go away and get married, or to have the traditional wedding as planned.
Then come up with a plan, and have him talk with his parents, you can be there but have him do the talking and say, "this is what we are doing, because it makes us happy and is a reflection of what we want for our wedding day". That's it. There really isn't much they can do about it and both of you can be happy, which is the point.
I was in the same boat, my guest list kept getting bigger and bigger. Thankfully my FH wanted a small wedding too. We both put our foot down with both of our mothers together and expressed what we wanted. Since then our wedding has became more about us then the guest list. My advice is make sure you and your FH are on the same page and DO WHAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY. You two need to havve the wedding you want, its as simple as that. I have also stoped including the inlaws on ideas and such, as this is my wedding (ok our wedding) and the inlaws had their daughters wedding, its my turn. (if that makes any since). I guess the thing to remember is your not going to please everyone, so please yourself first. .... Gosh i hope I dont sound too selfish.
How annoying! If I were you, I'd probably go through with the traditional wedding just put a stop to all the in-law madness. Explain what you want and DON'T want and say you'd be just as happy to drop by city hall tomorrow. (Not threatening, but in a way, yes.) They should back off.
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In my first post I mentioned that we wanted a small wedding. Well, we've made the guest list bigger because of my in-laws who demanded to include everyone in their side.
I was also contemplating on having cash bar but decided on open bar just to make these people happy.
One would think that because I have yielded to their wishes just to make them happy, that my relationship with my in-laws would get a bit better. I am not asking for praises or hugs, all I am asking for is to be acknowledged like a family member. But my relationship with my in-laws continues to be sour, cold and uncomfortable. I am now asking myself what is the point of having this wedding?
I would be just as happy if my fiance and I eloped right this moment. We would be married sooner and we would save a lot of money. We may lose our deposits and have to do a lot of explaining to some of our loved ones and bridal party, but at least I wouldn't feel like I'm wasting a load of money, or feel like a piece of crap because of my in-laws poor treatment of me.
Should I just ignore their ill behaviour and continue with the original plans to have a beautiful traditional wedding? Or would it be reasonable to just scrap the whole thing and secretly elope somewhere where we could be joined by those who truly care about us?