Post # 1
Some of you may have read a post from me a few days a go:
Our wedding plans have changed from an 80 person affair, to a 45 person one. I am happy with this.
If you send a STD to someone, and they verbally state they will not be coming, do you really still have to send them an invite?
These are my dad’s relatives and he seems to think we don’t have to, because they will think we’re fishing for gifts. It would make our lives easier not to, since we have 45 person MAX at our new venue, and I am worried about last minutes “Oh, maybe we should go!”.
Would it be terrible to not send them invites? Eeek. Please comment 🙂
Post # 3
I am sending invites to people who I know won’t be coming because if I didn’t I know I would hear about it for the rest of my life. I have 15 aunts/uncles and about 50 cousins (and a ton more second cousins/cousins kids,wives,etc) and I most certainly do not want all of them there (which is why I am having the wedding 14 hours away), I know the majority will not travel and I have been told they won’t but I am sending an invite. If they do RSVP yes I don’t know what I’ll do but I’m 99.9 percent sure they wont so I don’t really have to worry.
That being said, I know my family would feel personally offended if they didn’t get an invite (but thats them) there are some people I want to invite but don’t have room for so they won’t be getting an invite, but I also know they won’t hold it over my head for forever.
Post # 4
They’re your Dad’s relatives and he’s saying don’t do it – I would trust his judgement on the matter!
Post # 5
MandaMack makes a very good point 🙂 I’m inviting people b/c my dad told me too, if he said not to I wouldn’t 🙂
Post # 6
If your dad said don’t worry about. Don’t worry about it. If someone ask you let them know the situation. I think people will be understanding.
Post # 7
Ettiquite wise you should send them an invitation. Things can change from the time from the Save-The-Date Cards are sent out to the time invitations. Now of course your father should know his family best….however ive noticedthroughout wedding plans that there are things that women get upset/feel offended by that guys sometimes juts dont care about. The bottom line is if you intend for someone to coe then they should receiev an invitation and if you send out an invite, you should really assume they will attend…even if they have told you otherwise(exceptions, people who you KNOW cant travel, sickly relatives etc.)
Have you considered just sending annpouncements to those who are not invited? that way they wont feel so left out and you wont have all these invitaitos to worry about
Post # 8
Proper etiquette implies that if you send a save the date, you must also send an invite since the save the date is also a form of invite and it is rude to tell someone they are not invited after they have received one. Even though save the dates are too new of a concept to hit the etiquette books, the same rules of invitations apply.
Always assume that 100% of your guestlist will be attending. Many brides have been surprised when this happened to them, even though they were told to only expect 2/3 attendance. If you don’t want someone there and you can’t imagine the day without them, don’t invite them. It is ok to send people announcements instead (which used to be quite common during your grandparents’ era but no one does anymore because they don’t know what they are for) if they won’t be receiving an invite, and you don’t have to invite every single person you’ve ever known or random strangers either.
Post # 9
@Selene221: I’m certainly not inviting every person I know, or random strangers. I had a guestlist of 85, but we’ve now decided to go with 45. With about 20 people from my family saying they can’t afford to come, we decided we didn’t want to include the 20 or so coworkers we’d included on the list. The only people I sent Save-The-Date Cards to were my Out of Town family, who’ve now said they’re not coming.
I was just looking for opinions on my situation, since my Dad feels like his family could actually be more offended to receive an invite than to not (gift fishing), since they’ve said they’re not coming.
Anyways, I think I’ll talk about this more with my Dad, but thanks everyone for your responses!! It’s amusing that the poll is a dead heat 😉
Post # 10
I get where your dad is coming from, but I say invite anyway. They’ll likely say “no” still and not contribute to over-capacity.
Post # 11
@Gemstone: Yeah, this is how I’m leaning, it’s just a bit nerve-wracking to think they could just change their minds at the last minute and I’d be screwed… lol.