(Closed) What is the proper etiquette to follow at your ex-spouse mother's death?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Proper etiquette to attend ex spouse's parents funeral
    No just send card or flowers : (85 votes)
    83 %
    Yes go in person : (15 votes)
    15 %
    I don't know : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    unless you really cared for this deceased person why would you want to attend?  you don’t continue contact with your ex so i don’t know why you should.

    based on your factors, i wouldn’t go.  send a card/flowers to the funeral home if you feel it necessary.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Send flowers and/or a sincere, heartfelt card. No one could possibly fault that as being rude.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @kcolla:  He will be offended but are you not offended your current Dh can’t attend? I don’t go anywhere without my husband. I guess my “spidar senses” are going off because he does not want your husband to come when most certainly his wife will be there.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would be more concerned about how my husband would feel, rather than my ex.  Funerals and wakes are about getting your own closure, or expressing condolences to loved ones on their loss.  It doesn’t sound like you were particularly close to this woman in recent years, nor that you feel the need to support your ex.  I would stay home.

    Additionally, any time I am told my SO is not welcome, I don’t even consider attending myself, as I find it incredibly disrespectful to me, my SO and my relationship.  I would expect the same from him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @kcolla:  I guess I adhere to the Bee’s social unit rule: you don’t separate a married couple in invitations. Even if she did not know your husband, he is still YOUR husband whose feelings outweigh those of your ex-spouse

    Post # 11
    Member
    5756 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Who invites people to a funeral anyway? Something sounds way off about this to me, and especially the excluding of your husband and why you even care anymore about any of this. He’s your EX for a reason, and you want to be friends now,why?

    Post # 12
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I attended my ex-MIL’s funeral, without my husband.

    Like you, we had not stayed in close touch nor are the ex and I on friendly terms, But, there was no invitation -not done in our social circle–you just go (I did take our common grandchildren with me) and my current husband had no problem with me going.

    If my husand had asked me not to attend, I wouldn’t have. If my ex had plans to “stay friends after, just the two of us”, I certainly wouldn’t have attended.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I say no because it sounds like your ex has ulterior motives and I”m quite shocked at him being so focused on you when his parent has died.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I do not see why you should not pay your respects in person. You are not going for your EX, your are going to pay respects to ex-MIL.

    If I was invited to my ex’s mother funeral I would go. I would not bring spouse either. I would go simply becuase the deceased was a huge part of my life for a long time and even if we had a falling out that does not mean I did not still ahve fond memories of her, and good feelings for her and therefore I’d be there to SHOW that.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3417 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    As a person who’s FMIL just passed away this last Spring and FBIL is recently divorced it meant ablot to us that the ex-SIL attended kn person. She did not go to the wake but she did attend the funeral and she left her new boyfriend at home. As much as we are mad at her for what she did to FBIL it was very much appreciated that she attend and show her condolences to our family.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Something seems kind of fishy on your ex’s part. I feel that if his REAL aim is to make amends, he would have no problem with your husband coming with you.

    I say send flowers and save yourself the drama.

     

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