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I would probably call her, instead of emailing her back. She probably chose email, because it was the easiest way to get ahold of everyone in a timely manner. Also, if you can find out what the funeral arrangements are and send some flowers I'm sure your friend would appreciate that.
I agree with OTB - she can screen her calls if she doesn't want to talk but I'm sure she would appreciate knowing that you care enough to call her. I can't imagine how awful it must be for her... She's going to need a lot of support and understanding. She's lucky to have close friends like you and your husband.
That's what I was thinking ... to call her. Should I ask about funeral arrangements or just let her talk? I've never known anyone personally who had a death ... never have done this. I just want to do it perfectly and not upset her. What should I say?
I'm so sorry and if you need anything please let me know?
How close are you guys? How often do you talk normally...
I'm not sure...she may have sent an e-mail because it was the quickest way to tell everyone, or she may have sent it by e-mail because she doesn't feel like talking on the phone or face to face right now. I know that's how I was when my grandfather died last year.
You know your friend better than I do to make the call on that one, but I would probably respond in e-mail and let her know that I am there for her if/when she feels like she wants to talk about it.
I think it would be appropriate to e-mail back since she e-mailed you. I would say something along the lines of "we are so sorry for your loss, please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you during this time". Maybe offer assistance or just let her know that you are available if she'd like to talk.
My friend's dad passed away two weeks ago and she choose to use status updates on facebook to share the news and express her feelings. He had been fighting cancer for a long time and she would regularly update facebook when she went to visit him (no details, just little things). Lots of people wrote on her wall when he died, and while I usually wouldn't think that was appropriate, in this situation it was fitting.
Another things to consider is that maybe she doesn't want to talk about it or isn't ready yet. When my Nana died, I dreaded people talking to me about it. I didn't know what I was supposed to say and usually felt the need to reassure them that it was going to be ok and that I was fine.
When you call her, let her talk, tell her that you are there for her whenever. When someone close to you passes away, sometimes the grief hits at the oddest times, and knowing she has someone to talk to will help. I agree with AnamCara, if she doesn't want to talk, she won't answer. But that's ok, leave her a voice mail. If you feel uncomfortable asking when funeral arrangements are, just send some flowers to her house, or ask around, maybe someone else knows. You won't upset her if she does decide to talk to you, be comforting and be willing to listen. A lot of times when someone is grieving, just having someone else listen to them about how sad they are, or fond memories of the person who has passed away is really good therapy.
If she lives near you - drop off a card.. or send flowers. Something that my family really appreciated was food! My g-pa died in the summer and we basically spent the whole week over at my grandmas making funeral arrangements and we didn't have to cook for a week! It was such a blessing!
I just had something similar happen to me, only I was your friend. My grandmother passed away unexpectedly, and I texted my girls to let them know. I was just too upset at the time to call each and every one of them and go through the entire story. A lot of them sent me a quick email letting me know that I was in their thoughts, and asked for funeral arrangements when I got a chance. A few called, but I just wasn't up to talking, and they left very heartfelt messages which I really appreciated.
It's a very tough time for her, but I would give her a call. It was nice to know that people were thinking of me. Search your local paper for the obituary - that's how a lot of friends who I hadn't spoken to in a while found out and came to the viewing. Just letting her know that there's a support group is awesome. I would also maybe do what redeemed suggested and stop over her house with some food. It was really awesome not to have to worry about making meals while we were trying to get the arrangements together for her. That's the biggest help.
P.S. I was very lucky to have such supportive friends, and your friend is very lucky to have a caring friend like yourself!
When my father died suddenly, I emailed everyone immediately because I was in another country and wanted to let people know asap I was coming home and why. My very very very close friends called me immediately, but everyone else emailed back immediately and then called in the weeks after the funeral. Honestly, at that time I really wanted to talk to my super close friends, but couldn't handle other people. There were also so many things to do before the funeral and family flying in from all over the place, I had neither the time nor strength to talk to everyone.
The one thing that was a HUGE comfort was all the people who came to the visitation and the funeral. Even though I couldn't talk to people for a long time, it was comforting to see familiar faces. Therefore, if you live close enough to attend the visitation and/or funeral, it would be nice if you could do that.
I think that you should try calling her. If she isn't in the mood, just leave a message with her. Just let her know that you are sorry for her loss and are there to help her with anything if she needs it.
My sister seems to pull this everytime there is a crises. It's her way of dealing, I'd give her a call, but if there is no answer, I wouldn't take it personally, just leave her the supporting message you would and send some flowers to the FH. It's completely appropriate and thoughtful.
Send her a card. A close friend of my FI's son died at 6 months. She emailed my FI to tell him. We think this was because it was easier to notify her friends this way and not have to go through all of the emotions again of what you would typically expect as a response. FI sent her a card with a long handwritten message about how sorry he is, how he wishes that this hadn't happened, how much he cares for her and that he is there for her to talk to anytime. He followed this up with a call about a month later. She and her husband live out of state, but FI has been friends with them for over 10 years. He didn't want to be intrusive, which is why he sent the card and then called later on after she had some time to cope.
I emailed several of my closer friends when my dad died. I didn't expect/want any of them to call me back. I just wanted to let them know, and I appreciate all of their kind reponses in email form. I needed that time to be with my mom and brothers, and I wouldn't have wanted to take any calls.
That's just my perspective.
Oh, sending something in the mail to let her know you are thinking of her is always nice, whether it's a handwritten letter or a care package.
You know, I've been thinking about what I did when my mom died and I think that I didn't tell anyone at first because I didn't want to talk. I think that by reaching out to you, she wouldn't mind talking to you.
Hi! Thank you everyone. It's so nice to have the hive when I am confused and need quick answers and guidance from someone who knows what to do!
I emailed her back to let let her know I am sorry and that her and her family is in my thoughts and to let me know if she needs anything...
I would definitely call her. She likely will not answer, but she will appreciate that you called. Leave her a message telling her how sorry you are and that you are there for her and just wanted to let her know you are thinking of her. It would be nice to send flowers to the funeral/memorial service/her house, but it would also be even better to somehow get her meals. Based on what I have known from people who have had relatives pass away, they will be inundated with flowers, but will have no energy to cook. If you live nearby, making a homecooked meal to bring to her would be great (something that freezes well like lasagna) or if you live far, send from one of those companies that delivers meals.
You are so sweet. It's hard to know exactly what to say at a time like that, but I think all you can do is express your sympathy and let your friend know that you are thinking about her. Maybe send a card or flowers to her family, or if you drop by some food that is always appreciated. Definitely check on her via phone call (leave a message if she doesn't answer) in the next few weeks just to let her know that you are thinking about her and supporting her. I had a close friend pass away unexpectedly, and I know that it really helps to just know that people care.
Send a card and some food. When my fiance's father died, my mom had big trays of sandwiches delivered to their house, and it was just what they needed--- no one really wanted to eat, but because there was food there and prepared, they ended up eating them and getting some nourishment.
Send a card/flowers and/or bring a dish of food by. Food is always considered what to do.
A plate with sandwich meats and breads for us was most helpful--no cooking required.
Since you guys are close friends, if she's in the same city, I'd find out about the funeral and go.
I think if a friend reaches out (in whatever form of communication) to tell you about a parent passing, then support of any form would be appreciative.
In addition to the email you already sent, I'd send her a card - and either attend the funeral or send her flowers.
When people are grieving, and have a multitude of people asking 'let me know if there is anything they can do' - it's hard to know what you need, what to ask for, etc. If you can do something tangible for her (take her a meal, drop off some healthy snacks, etc.) - I know they will be appreciated and remembered.
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to tell you? I know that her father has been suffering and H and I are very close to her but we've never met her father.
She just emailed to say her father passed away. I don't know the proper way to respond in email - it seems much harder to do it by email.
Thank you.