Post # 1
I have a little mess on my hands with my bridesmaids. LONG story short, my fiance and I had to end a long friendship with our best friends because of an argument we couldnt move on from.Now in our wedding I need to choose a new bridesmaid, How do i make sure that my friend that I’m going to ask feels special and not like I just had to choose someone? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!
Also, the friends that we ‘broke up’ with are also getting married in January 2014. FI and I were a groomsman and bridesmaid but obviously this will not happen now. I feel like we should send some flowers anonomously to wish them a wonderful day. Some of my friends say”don’t even worry about doing it because she was the one that caused all the trouble” others say “it is a lovely thought’ I dont know- I think they would figure out who send the flowers quickly and I wouldn’t want that to upset her on their big day.. Tricky!
Post # 3
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d feel honoured to be chosen, even as a replacement. And the wedding’s still 10 months away so it’s not like it’s last minute. So I say ask, and make no secret of the fact that she’s a replacement.
BTW you say you “need” to choose a new BM, but that’s not quite correct. You could have gone for uneven numbers, but instead you want her there.
For your ex-friends: If you think the flowers would upset them on the day, I think a better route would be a card or flowers – not anonymously – after the wedding.
Post # 4
@futuremrscallen: If the argument was so bad that there is no way your friendship will survive it, I definitely wouldn’t send flowers. If you want to send something, send an anonymous card with well wishes and mail it the day of so that it won’t cause drama on the day.
As for the girl that you want to ask to fill the slot, I’d spin it like you had always wanted her as a BM but didn’t want to have too many attendents. You and the other girl were going to be in each other’s weddings, but now that she’s stepped down, you’re super happy to be able to offer the new BM a spot. I actually have a girl who knows she’s my backup BM in case the one moving to Texas can’t make it.
Post # 5
@futuremrscallen: My sister is preggers and won’t make it to my wedding so I “replaced” her with a good friend. I just sat her down, explained the situation and told her how excited I was that I could now invite her to be a BM. She was tickled.
A line like this may help:
“While I lost a good friend, I am focusing on the silver lining in all of this. I get a chance to ask a true friend to stand with me on my wedding day. I was wondering if you would do me the honor of being a BM.”
Post # 6
Thank you ladies, your comments are always thought provoking. I think i will take my ‘new BM’ out to lunch and ask her soon.
I think maybe sending something a little while before their wedding will be a better plan than on the day (they are going overseas for 6 months after their wedding). It’s hard to just do nothing to recognise their wedding as FI designed all their stationery and posted their invitations we did this as their wedding gift from us. I was also her makeup artist!
Post # 7
I would also feel honored to be asked! Maybe don’t even point out she is ” Filling In” maybe a cute way would be saying something like.
” I’m doing all this planning.
Cakes and flowers and dresses…
and thats when I noticed something
something was missing…
Would you be my bridesmaid? “
I dunno maybe thats dumb….
You dont HAVE to replace her either.. but I was in your shoes…
well actally my BM Just didn’t show up to my Bridal Shower and blocked me on facebook ( still to this day have no clue what the hell I did… )and I asked my cousin to fill in.
Post # 8
@alishaloo: that’s a vey cute poem! The ‘new’ and ‘old’ bridesmaids knew each other. Everyone in our lives knows about the argument because it was at our house warming in front of most of them and was a big shock! I think my new BM will be very excited 😉