Post # 1
Okay, so last night my husband and I were watching tv after we put the kiddo to bed. My husbands text messaging ringtone is a high pitched whistle noise, so I always hear it when it goes off. He had gotten up or something so when he came to sit back down I said your phone went off you have a message. I asked him who it was since it was almost 10, and to be honest we don’t really have friends so I was stumped as to who would be texting him. He said it was a girl he worked with.( he is a bar manager and usually works nights) And this is how the conversation went.
Her: Hey are you working?
Him: No Why?
Her: Oh just wondering, I miss you, thats all.
Okay, so when I asked him at first he told me she asked if he was working and that he said no why. So when she replied I was sitting right there and saw her reply. I got mad. Really? He is married and you’re texting him that you miss him? I asked him why she would say that to him and he told me he had no idea. So I asked to see other messages exchanged between them. He gave me his phone, and there was a previous message of him asking her for her brothers phone number as we’re looking to rent a house and she gave it to him to which he replied “thanks you’re the best” to which she replied “I wub you”
I was so mad after reading that. Granted he did not reply to that. ( that I know saw, but there is this thing called a delete button) Now, I’m not sayinig he did for a fact delete messages between them, but its a possibility. And there have been a lot of posts about cheating husbands lately. So I asked him to text her back and tell her that he is a married man and her boss and its inappropriate for her to be saying things like that to him.
He told me no, he would not text her that because that is unprofessional of him to say that to her because he is her boss and he could lose his job. WHAT AGAIN?!?! How could he lose his job by telling her to stop? I didn’t understand that. I told him she was the one being unprofessional, and that he needed to put a stop to it. He just wanted to ignore it. But because a few days earlier she said she “wubed him” and then last night he saying she missed him I told him he needed to tell her to stop because she obviously wasnt getting the hint from him ignorning it.
So finally after a long argument he texted her and said That is very inappropriate for you to say things like that to a married man let alone your boss this late at night.
So since he finally did what I asked I let it go….for now…I swear if she does it again though…oh man..
What is wrong with people? She knows he’s married. HELLO?!?!
Post # 4
I’m sorry he didn’t tell you earlier.
She is obviously behaving completely inappropriately, but it doesn’t sound like your husband is encouraging her. Then again, he has not done a good job of DIScouraging her.
I would make sure he knows how to conduct himself if/when she behaves inappropriately at work, and would expect him to let me know what’s happening on that front, for the next little while.
Post # 5
@joya_aspera: Yeah, I guess I don’t really think he’s ENcouraging it either, but like you said him ignoring it obviously isn’t working. I’ve told him that I want him to let me know if she says anything else. It does make me nervous because he has to close most nights and he’s there until sometimes 1:30AM. She was asking if he was there cause she wanted to come out there and see him. I don’t want her coming out to see him. He kept telling me I was being insecure, I don’t think i was being insecure I just don’t think her behavior is appropriate, is that wrong that I’m pointing out to him how inappropriate her behavior is?
Post # 6
Maybe it is somewhat insecurities getting the best of me, we have had problems in the past of him talking to other girls inappropriately not just the girls but him replying inappropriately. Its been two years, so about the time our son was born is when he cleaned up his act. But I always just think in the back of my mind he’s done it before he could do it again.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Some girls just say those kinds of things to everyone and are overly flirtatious. I wouldn’t read too much into that one.
Post # 8
@busybride215: Wow that would piss me off so much! Unfortunately there will always be women like that :/ I am not married yet, but as soon as we got engaged FI started receiving texts from other girls that he hadn’t talked to in years. People tend to want what they can’t have it’s really sad. I think it’s a good thing that he was open about her texting. I would be concerned if he was hiding it. This girl clearly has some boundary issues…boss or not your husband is married and it is not appropriate to say those things! I would have a talk with your husband about how it makes you feel and establish some boundaries before it causes anymore conflict in your relationship. Good luck!
Also, I don’t buy the overly flirtatious personality thing. There are plenty of other fish in the sea so leave the married ones alone!
Post # 9
@busybride215: I would be so pissed! I think you handled it very well. I’m glad he finally did listen.
Post # 10
I hate to say this but given his past history, he doesn’t really seem to have learnt just how inappropriate this sort of conversation is. I’m not saying he’s encouraging her but he isn’t doing a great job of discouragement either. Why would she even want to come out to see him late at night anyway? Only I can’t imagine that going down well with even the most tolerant and understanding wife!
Post # 11
@joya_aspera: +1, exactly this.
Post # 12
@busybride215: There is a big difference between people that work in an office setting together and people that work in a bar or restaurant setting…the dynamic is entirely different, and what works and is appropriate and expected in one, does not work in the other.
I hate texting and e-mails because tone and intention can be inserted by the reader when none was intended…and while I get that your husband is a married man who totally conducts himself accordingly in both his personal and professional arenas….you have to understand that the things people do and say with their co-workers in a bar setting are playful, pithy and a complete departure from what happens in my office where someone comes in to talk to me about a spreadsheet.
He honestly may be avoiding telling her to stop saying things like, “I wub you…” which is likely some inside joke from a shift they worked or something like that, because he doesn’t want her to think, that HE thinks she’s hitting on him…it could all be innocent, but the first one to take it seriously is going to be gossip fodder around the bar for weeks, and if he’s a manager, maintaining and approachable and easy going presence with the other employees is key.
I think you’ve got valid points, but he’s got to work with these people too….so really think about this before you take things to a level five police state…after all, he wasn’t the one initiating this stuff, she was…he’s just got to mitigate that AND keep everyone happy.
Post # 13
@Nona99: Definately not an inside joke. She hasnt been working there very long I think he said she just started two weeks ago. He said they aren’t friends, and he doesn’t even like her as a person at all. She’s called in 3 times in the two weeks she’s been working there. I asked him why she would say “I wub you” and he said he had no idea. I understand being playful and silly if they were friends and he’d known her awhile, but he doesn’t really know her. I work in a corporate office too, so I know that a bar and a corporate office are different, but I still think her behavior is completely inappropriate.
Post # 14
@busybride215: I agree that her behavior is odd and inappropriate…but what exactly could he do about it?
Post # 15
@busybride215: No. I don’t think you’re being insecure. He should see why it’s a problem. I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot.
It concerns me that you said he used to have problems talking to girls inappropriately. It seems like he still has difficulty knowing where the line should be. Perhaps he has been giving encouraging non-verbals, I don’t know.
Post # 16
I mean…I tell the guys I work with that I miss them, but I don’t have any of their phone numbers, nor do I text them. That’s weird.