(Closed) What is your FMIL doing?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Girl, Im in the SAME boat, we are doing everything ourselves! Future Mother-In-Law did offer us a gift to pay for photography so that was nice.. shes 1.5 hrs away and we have invited her to go to several vendors and tastings but shes never able.. and she says she wants some input as well.

We havent always had the best relationship..and i got an email this week that she ordered her dress in light champange (groan)

Maybe i would ask her to look into info for a bridesmaid luncheon or day spa?  Also do you have your something borrowed? Maybe it can be something she can give you.

Good luck!

Post # 5
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

This probably won’t be too helpful.  .

my Future Mother-In-Law is making our cake and cupcakes (used to bake professionally) and helping me with the bouquets.

I’m lucky though. . I love her and she’s super knowledgeable about a lot of stuff.    

Post # 6
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Same exact boat! What makes it harder is that when I give her stuff, it doesn’t get done! Or I’ll ask for involvement in somethign and she’ll say she’s not interested in it, adn then I don’t ask her about somethign else and she’s all upset.

I’d say bring her to vendor appts- sample centerpieces, makeup/hair trials, etc. Maybe take her dress shopping, or work together on any wedding crafts?

Post # 7
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012


I gave her the task of making the flower girl dresses.  We’re doing an adults only wedding and only having flower girls (her grandkids) to keep the family peace.  I figured she’d love this project, and I was right.  Pretty sure she’s enjoying herself, although she’s been asking me a LOT of questions about it but frankly, I just don’t care about this detail at all.

She’s also offered to help but I’m honestly too big of a control freak to hand anything else over.  Plus we dont have the most amazing relationship so keeping a distance between us is probably a good idea.

Post # 8
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

so far I plan everything myself.  Future Mother-In-Law she would love to help if i ask her, but she won’t jump in if I didn’t ask. 

so far I only show her my ideas “HOW I WANT IT DONE” and she has comments, mostly good, and maybe some suggestions to tweak it a little bit. 

For my mom, I usually go through with her during my idea process.  For my Future Mother-In-Law, usually after my idea is formed.  I guess you can say I am biase on my mom’s opinions.  But hey, Future Mother-In-Law had her chance with her daughter’s wedding, now it’s my mom’s chance 🙂



Post # 9
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

She helped me scout out venues and tour them, she asked a ton of great questions I hadn’t though of too!  Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law have offered to cover the bar tab, which is incredibly generous of them.  We weren’t expecting any financial help at all, so it’s been a blessing!  She also is helping with the flowers, but she loves to garden and is a lot more knowledgable about all things floral than I am.  Also, FMIL’s friend referred us her dj from her son’s wedding. 


Post # 10
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel so lucky because both of my FMILs are so hands off! My father’s biological mother (and who is very close to) just wants us to be happy and has offered to pay for our videographer. My FI’s step mother basically just asks that we be happy and that if there is anything for her to do then ask away!

Back to your question, why don’t you ask her to help you with something simple like invitations and then have her help stuff them or address them!

Post # 12
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well, out of the blue she offered to fold 1000 paper cranes for us. Which is kind of insane but super generous. Fortunately Fi and I both think this is awesome and are dreaming up the best ways to incorporate them into the reception. Honestly, it also takes a little pressure off of me- not that this is something that needed to be done, but now she is doing something substantial so I don’t feel as guilty planning stuff mostly with my mother. Not sure this helps your situation though- good luck!

Post # 13
116 posts
Blushing bee

HA! Future Mother-In-Law tried to pull this one on me too. BUT she was trying to run the show. That was not going to happen so I told her thanks but no thanks to her help. She is basically getting the invatations from India, favors and a Indian Wedding dress for me to wear to the receptions. 

You could try to ask he about her dress. What she would like to wear? Or have her make a play list or the songs she would have to dance the mother son dance. If you are having floral centerpieces you could ask her what flowers she likes or which flowers would look good with the centerpiece you want.

Post # 14
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Mine isn’t doing anything but she hasn’t complained about it, so I’m not complaining!

Post # 15
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

she should be planning the rehearsal dinner, right?

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