(Closed) What is your opinion about sibling weddings close together?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you think its rude for a sibling to choose a wedding date one month after yours?
    Yes : (35 votes)
    41 %
    No : (42 votes)
    49 %
    Other (please comment) : (9 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Some families compete like that. I don’t understand it but whatever. My cousin and I are getting married less than a month apart (I set my date first unknowing that he was leaving for bootcamp shortly after that and needed to get married that month too) which my family was excited about but surprised and then my other cousin (the first one’s sister) decides she’s getting married a little over than a month after me. Everyone is kind of WTF’ed about this but whatever.


    I don’t think its necessarily rude unless both couples are getting monetary help from the parents, there are a lot of out of town guests that are expected at BOTH weddings, or the families give big wedding gifts but aren’t well-to-do. If it can be avoided, I would absolutely avoid it. Even though you guys planned your wedding first, have you thought about pushing it back a little to give the family a bit of a break and avoid any further drama? I completely understand if you don’t want to.

    Post # 5
    6998 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    i dont think its rude, but i think its a bit inconvenient for the families. to have to travel twice or pick and choose which wedding to go to. My SIL and I had our weddings 6 months apart and people still didnt come from his side because we had them so close together and almost everyone from his side had to travel. He comes from a HUGE family so i was actually pretty relieved that not everyone could come.


    Post # 6
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @totheislnds: Haha, I’m kind of taking my cousins’ weddings as a relief too. Kingy does NOT want a big wedding and with inviting the bare minimum we’re still at about 110 probable guests so we’re hoping some out of towners will have to choose and maybe pick one of theirs instead! 



    @lisha.caramel: I completely agree that you shouldn’t have to change your date at all, just wondering if you were flexible on it. It after waiting so long to get engaged, the sister would make a dash for the aisle but it seems like way too short to even plan a wedding so I agree that its probably jealousy. Hopefully everything works out smoothly!

    Post # 7
    8 posts
    • Wedding: July 2011

    This question has been on my mind a lot actually since my younger brother and Future Sister-In-Law are getting married 5/21 and I am getting married 7/9 (seven weeks apart).  They got engaged in January 2011 and we got engaged April 2011.  They started dating March 2005 and we started dating May 2005… and we both just kinda had the same timeline for finishing school, moving back to the same city (since both relationships were long-distance for a while).

    As far as I can tell there isn’t any real sense of competition (I don’t feel it anyway), and as the older sister it doesn’t really bother me that my younger bro is getting married earlier.  I will admit that I feel a little badly that some long-distance relatives (we have a few but not many) will have to choose between one or the other, and that a few more people have chosen to come to ours due to theirs being near the end of school.  Things are a little hectic right now with both weddings coming up quickly but “this too shall pass”. 🙂  We’re just trying to make sure that each person’s special day is wonderful and everything it should be!

    Post # 9
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My brother got engaged (unexpectedly) right before my Darling Husband popped the question. They then set their date first for about 2 mo before when I had always wanted to get married (we wanted October, they set for August). I didn’t want to crowd things so we set our date for February instead. As the person in control of the date, I wanted to give as much time as possible without totally postponing our plans a year, and 6 months seemed about right. But if it were the other way around and we’d set our date first and they had decided to get married a month or two away… I’d probably be annoyed for about a minute and then get over it. You can’t control other people, so just focus on your wedding. 

    Post # 10
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It’s not rude, but it is inconvenient for the family. Just as you can plainly see what is going on – so can the family. Unfortunately, your Future Sister-In-Law can’t see. Her Fiance may try to convince her to change their date if he is a reasonable guy but I don’t think you should have any worries on your part. I’m thinking family will attend your wedding and not be able to travel again to attend hers. I don’t suppose she has thought of that. And… I’d be afraid to tell her as she might decide to change her date to be before yours. I feel sorry for her.

    Post # 11
    3 posts
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @lisha.caramel: I would just suggest that you try to put yourself in her shoes.  She may be immature, but she obviously had plans to get engaged and start planning her own wedding, when you and her brother decided to do the same.  She was probably caught off guard and it probably messed up her plans by having you and your Fiance suddenly engaged and planning a wedding when she thought she would be planning hers.

    Sure, in a perfect world, she should be more adaptable and just be happy for you two.  But in a perfect world, every bride would get her dream wedding and planning experience.  She’s having a hard time with it, with letting go of her ideal plan, and since you will soon be family, try to be understanding of that 🙂

    Best wishes to both brides!

    Post # 12
    669 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I got engaged about 3 months before my older sister.  In all fairness, I had been dating my Fiance for 6 years when he proposed (now almost 8!), so it was time for us to move to the next step.  My sister had been dating her Fiance for about 3 years.  When my sister got engaged and set the date for 3 months after my wedding day, I was a little irked because I selfishly thought she would be stealing some of my limelight, and I also thought it was super hard on my parents to finance 2 weddings so close to one another.  Like I said, I was thinking selfishly, but now I love that she is getting married soon after me.  It has brought us closer; she is such a huge part of my wedding, helping me make and mail invites, amongst other things.  Her own wedding hasn’t intereferred with mine at all.  Plus, I am very happy for her happiness.  Who am I to dictate when she gets married?  I’ve had major wake-up calls since our engagements.  Life is too short to worry about things you cannot change~be happy for others, help others find happiness, and revel in your own joys.

    Post # 13
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I agree with @2ndtime: its more of an inconvenience for the rest of the family

    Post # 14
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Even though I’m still kind of upset about it, I intentionally had a long engagement in order to allow a full 6 months in between my wedding and my sisters. It was no one’s fault even though I’m still sore about how my sister had been dating her Darling Husband for 4 years before getting engaged and surprise finally it happened once they heard my Darling Husband was about to buy a ring. So they beat us to the punch, set a wedding date 2 years out so I had to wait a really long time to finally get married.

    But the sacrifice I took was worth it for the sanity of our family. If I had tried to get married before her or 1 month later we probably wouldn’t be speaking to each other at this point. My sister is more important to me than a short engagement and I think that is how you feel about your brother too.

    Post # 15
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    Realistically, it doesn’t affect you in anyway. It’s after your wedding, the only people that may be inconvienenced are guests. But I have 2 cousins (bro and sis) the brother is older and had been dating his Fiance for the same amount of time his sis was dating her Darling Husband, maybe a little longer. The bro was talking about getting engaged, he was older and it was something they all knew was coming. Well wouldn’t you know sis goes on vacation and her Darling Husband proposes! So bro is upset cause he was going to and his Fiance was upset but didn’t say anything about it. But you could read it on her face. Couple months later, bro proposes to his Fiance and set a date for longg after sis’s date. But sis was maddddd. she didn’t want the limelight taken away from her.

    It was funny and ridiculous to watch  this all unfold, when we were all excited for 2 weddings. Sooo my point is after that long drawn out story, it will be more stressful on the parents and guests than you. Just enjoy the planning time and now you have someone that understands the stress you have about planning. 🙂

    Post # 16
    14347 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t really think its weird to talk about a pending engagement before it happens.  If they’d been together for a while, and discussed it seriously and was maybe just saving money or waiting for the right time to get engaged, then why not share exciting news.  Also, I dont really think its a rude or negative first reaction to say “you’ve only known each other a few months” when in fact you had only known each other 5 months.  I think that is a completely normal reaction… 5 months is going to sound short to most people.  It is not meant in a mean way, just a startling first reaction.  I have said and/or thought that everytime I hear something moving a long that quickly, and when I do say that, its not meant to be mean, or doubt the persons realationship, or be negative like its a horrible idea… just shock and caution.  I also dont think 1 month after yours is rude either.  If shes been planning an engagement, and maybe envisioned a wedding at that time, and is older, I can see why she wouldnt want to wait any longer.  At least she was considerate enough not to do it a month before you.

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