Post # 1
In my neighborhood (UWS of NYC) everywhere I look there are 40+ year old women pushing double stollers with twin babies. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize what happened there and it is super common.
Then I get on FB and see how all of the people I went to HS with started having kids in early to mid 20’s. And I hear people say that it’s bad to get pregnant after 35, selfish, bad for the baby, etc.
I’m wondering what your personal opinion on the matter is? How old do you think is too old and why? If you saw a pregnant woman of a certain age would it bother you?
ETA: This should go without saying, but answers are not to be taken personally because they are only opinions. I’m just curious to know in general what people think about this topic.
Also, part of the reason I’m asking is because recently DH and I have heard a few comments from close family members about how important it is to have babies before your 30’s and kind of implied that it was selfish to wait much longer than that. I took what they said with a grain of salt and wasn’t offended by it, but it got me wondering what people think about this in general.
Post # 3
Whoops, meant to put in babies 🙂
Post # 4
I can move it to Babies for you.
And as for me, my only concerns with pregnancy and age have to do with the health of the mother and the baby. A close family friend suffered from multiple miscarriages after her first son, around the age of 40. It was heartbreaking!
Post # 5
I think it has to be somewhat local. I live in NYC, and I do not even blink at anyone who is 40+ with babies. If they were 50, maybe I would look twice. I don’t see how having babies older is at all selfish. Everyone should wait until they are ready. The selfish people are the ones who have babies before they are prepared for the responsibility.
Post # 6
I think after 37 it is too old to be starting to have children. Not only do the odds of dangrous complications arise for the mother but also for the child.
Post # 7
I think it depends, but leaning towards 40 would be an age that is too old for me at least. Missing out on all the things to come, imo. It’s just a matter of priorities as well.
And of course, as a pp wrote, health related issues for baby and mommy as well. Had to edit this to add this line too.
Post # 8
This question makes me really uncomfortable – I feel like it isn’t any outside person’s place to judge the family planning decisions of someone that they don’t know – you never know what particular situation lead to someone wanting to become a parent at an older age. It’s not appropriate to judge younger parents, and it’s not appropriate to judge older ones, either.
Post # 9
I have a “friend” who is VERY opinionated about this issue and comments on it all the time! I feel like it really isn’t my place or business to decide when anyone gets pregnant or why they decided to get pregnant when they did! My brother and his wife had their first child when she was 43 after a looooong time and difficulty conceiving. I didn’t choose an answer because I don’t care how old someone is when they get pregnant!
Post # 10
I don’t think anyone can really be judged for the age at which they choose to have a baby. And as far as the 40+ women pushing double strollers, you have no idea their situtations or any fertility aids they needed, or even how long they have been trying. I am 33 and pregnant with my first after a year and a half of trying with and without fertility treatments. If it had taken 7 years longer to conceive (for physical or financial issues), then I would have been that woman.
P.S. I know you were not saying a particular age is “too old,” so this isn’t really directed at you. I hope you don’t take offense. It is more directed at someone who might say 40 is too old.
Post # 11
Well, My Mom had me when she was 38 and I was the last of 5 kids, so if she had stopped at 35, then I wouldn’t be here. 🙂 My sister had her boys at 37 and almost 40, but she got married pretty late and started trying right away.
I can totally see ladies these days waiting later and later to have kids because of wanting to pursue their careers and I think it’s up to them to decide what is safest for them and their baby!
But statistics do show that after 35 I believe the chances of having a baby with Downs or other medical issues goes way up. Personally, I want to be done with baby-making by the time I turn 30 or close to it. I just want to be young enough when they’re out of the house to go do fun stuff with my Hubby! And to also be able to do things with my future grandbabies.
Post # 12
Honestly- I think all throughout your 30’s you are still fine- sure you are older and you will be an older parent and there will be more complications but some people just don’t get the chance before then. I’m hoping to have my first by 30 but sometimes plans don’t work out.
I personally wouldn’t try past 40, but I can understand why others do and I don’t want to judge them for wanting a child.
Post # 13
As long as it’s healthy for the parent and baby then I dont really care what others do.
Personally, I don’t want to be 40+ having kids for selfish reasons. I want to be young enough to run around with them (not saying that 40+ moms can’t do this), but more importantly to me, I don’t want to be 60 years old at their high school graduation. A good friend of mine’s dad was in his 60’s when she was born. By the time we got to high school he couldn’t attend a lot of things because his health was very bad. I know this could happen at any age, but it’s something to think about.
Post # 14
I dunno…I can’t imagine some people’s personal struggles on how long it took to get pregnant or the measures they had to take to have a baby(ies) but I have older parents and I hate the fact that I have to consider my future children might not know their grandfather if I wait too much longer to have children at only 24.
edit: I do not mean to sound insensitive to people who have lost their parents unexpectedly at younger ages! 🙁
Post # 15
@expecting rain: So if I had started trying at say, 32, and it had taken me more than 5 years to concieve (entirely possible even with treatments), would I be selfish for continuing to try after age 37?
Post # 16
There was just an article about this in NY Magazine!! Did anyone else read it? Here’s the link:
Personally, I think anything over 45 is too old…to me, you’re depriving your kids of having parents who will be around for grandkids (of course, you never know, parents can pass away at much younger ages too). I also don’t think it’s fair if parents physically find it difficult to keep up with their kids–not able to ride bikes with them, run around at the park, etc. All this doesn’t even take into account the medical risks for both the mother and child when the mom or dad is in their 40s and older.
Also, as a mom, I would hate to constantly be mistaken for grandma…