What is your relationship dynamic regarding household chores?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you approach household chores?
    If we both contribute to the mess, we both help clean up. : (55 votes)
    35 %
    I begrudgingly do the majority of the chores : (30 votes)
    19 %
    I happily do the majority of the chores : (27 votes)
    17 %
    My SO/FI/DH/Partner begrudgingly does the majority of the chores : (8 votes)
    5 %
    My SO/FI/DH/Partner happily does the majority of the chores : (17 votes)
    11 %
    We hired a maid : (9 votes)
    6 %
    We still disagree on this and still need to figure out a solution : (7 votes)
    4 %
    Other (please explain below) : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 4
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    He does the majority of the chores and it is usually happily, but sometimes (rarely) it can be a bit begrudgingly. He is naturally a neater person than me (not that I’m a huge slob or anything, but his mom showed him from an early age how to cook and clean and basically fend for himself, my parents were more hands-off).

    It’s not like I don’t do any chores or anything though. I’m always trying to do more and “catch up” to him and he appreciates my efforts to help. But if I don’t get to something fast enough I’ll find he’s already done it.

     It’s not so much a source of contention for us as an area of growth for me.

    Post # 5
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @bmo88:  Before we moved in, we agreed that my FI would handle the trash, half the dishes, his own laundry, and animal messes (feces, birdcage, etc.) For a while that was working pretty well. Now I’m getting a little bit frustrated that I’m constantly wiping down kitchen/bathroom counters, vacuuming, changing sheets, dusting, cleaning the carpets, etc. My FI says he’d help more if I asked him to do it, but asking him usually means having to ask him 3-4 times and eventually getting frustrated that he puts it off, then I do it myself. At the same time, I feel like he’s not as thorough as I am with this stuff (like if he’s wiping down the counters he doesn’t move the the coffee maker to get the stuff under it). So I guess we’re at a standstill! I pick and choose my battles, this isn’t one of them. 

    Post # 6
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    We each have our chores thankfully he enjoys doing what I dont. He does the kitchen, laundry and yard work. I focus on the bathroom, bedroom and basics in the living areas. It works out well for us. I clean a room daily while he does his once or twice a week. they fit our habits anf ideas of a cleaning routine so neither is forcing the other to spend all day cleaning or continuously touching up all week


    Post # 7
    795 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I clean the house, but FH does the cooking, laundry, vaccuming, and taking out the trash. He’s a nurse and off 3-4 days during the week while I work. He also does it without being asked. They just sort of fell to him somehow. He enjoys it though. 

    Post # 8
    10906 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    My DH does the vast majority of the grocery shopping and the cooking, and he takes out the trash.  He also handles the majority of the lawn chores and oversees vehicle maintenance. I do all of the laundry and almost all of the house cleaning and kitchen clean-up/dishes, and I help with weeding during the summer.

    Post # 9
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @bmo88:  We never had a discussion about it.  I am more of a “detail” cleaner– which is great, because the toilet DOES need to get scrubbed and under the sink DOES need to be reorganized every so often…..BUT that isn’t good when you just want to get the house picked up (we have a 5 year old)– and my husband is excellent at that.

    If we’re having guests over, we’ll both just get at it until we feel we’re happy– and we generally just try to keep things organized.  But we do have a lived in home (we have a kid!!).  I give DH LOTS of credit– I’m a total space cadet and I have ADD like crazy….so when I’m cleaning off the dining room table and bring something upstairs…..suddenly I’m upstairs organizing something else LOL  he helps keep things pulled together 🙂

    Post # 10
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We split up our chores. We usually do our own stuff throughout the week. We also work together on Sundays to do the big stuff that gets missed.

    Post # 11
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @bmo88:  Your routine sounds great!

    I do all of the daily work, from dishes to laundry to shopping (and cooking), and just tidying up general debris.  Some might think I have it pretty bad!  But I work less hours than him so it seems fair to me.  And we have a house cleaner once a week to do the floors, air the rugs, dust the nooks & crannies, etc.  I much prefer the daily maintence to the bigger jobs so I’m happy with our routine.

    FI takes the lead on taking the pup out especially in the cold weather & early in the morning (I take a looong coffee before facing the world) and that alone is worth a whole week of laundry!  



    Post # 12
    1827 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

    @bmo88:  He works longer hours so I happily dutifully do most of the chores. If our roles were reversed, then he’d happily do most of the chores 🙂 We have been living together exactly a year and have never had any arguments about it, we’re both naturally neat(ish).

    Post # 13
    6067 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    We split the chores and we have a maid.

    The maid comes once a month and does a very thorough, heavy clean of the whole house.

    Then, we keep up with the house until she comes again by splitting chores. We both do laundry, DH takes out the trash, I cook, we both load/unload the dishwasher, and DH cleans all big pots.


    Post # 14
    6675 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I quit my job to be a SAHM last month- so since then I have taken on the vast majority of the household tasks.  Which is fine because if I didnt I’d be super bored.  I like cleaning though.

    Post # 15
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My husband works longer hours (him 60hrs/wk, me 50hrs/wk). Laundry, cooking, dishes I do them 75% of the time. Husband helps 25% of the time. But as for the cleaning, we hire cleaning service to come every 10-14 days.

    Post # 16
    7198 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    DH does most of the chores right now because I never have time to do them with our newborn. He doesn’t like it, but he thinks it’s more than fair that he does the bulk of the chores right now.

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