What is your take on inviting guests LAST MIN?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What is your take on inviting guests last minute?
    It's always great to be invited, invite until it's too late to add more. : (36 votes)
    26 %
    It's bad form to invite people after the initial mailing, leave the numbers where they are. : (32 votes)
    23 %
    Generally it's a don't - but 6 weeks out is still okay. This should be the LAST week to invite. : (33 votes)
    24 %
    Okay ONLY if they had the same paper invites as other invited guests, no website only invites. : (28 votes)
    20 %
    Okay ONLY for people who live close to the wedding location, it's too late for 3hr+ drives : (8 votes)
    6 %
    Other : (3 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    B lists are rude. Don’t do it. Leave your list as is.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11740 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think its very rude.  People would know that they were B-listed by either (1) not getting a real invitation or (2) by getting an email inviting them to a formal occasion.

    I would deal with the numbers where they are.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    If one of my coworkers said to me, “Hey, I’m getting married in 6 weeks, and I would REALLY like for you to come! I wish I could’ve invited you sooner, but… family members. You know how it is.” and told me where to find all the details, I would totally consider it and not find it rude at all. 

    Within reason, I don’t mind being B-listed.

    Post # 6
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I invited 4 people with four days notice!! They were already coming to the evening reception (in UK and this is normal) and they were pleased to come to the whole thing. I told them the truth though.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    @waitingwonderland:  It’s tricky for sure, but if you are upfront and honest about the sitaution, people might be more understanding. Wait, the rsvp date has already passed? That was a very far date to set. But is there any way to have more invites printed? 

    If you know some of them on a closer level, it might be easier to have a very open conversation. They can always say no. Personally, I would not be offended. I understand people have guest list restrictions and I don’t waist my time getting worked up over nothing. It’s still 6 weeks out, so it’s not that close to the wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I dont’ think it’s a problem for people who are local.  6 weeks is still a ways out.  I was just talking to FI about this today.  We have a few coworkers who’ve invited themselves to our wedding.  We plan to send them invites if we have room after getting our RSVPs back.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We sent invitations 5 weeks out. It’s fine. That is plenty of time for most people to plan to be somewhere. Why should weddings be any different? Of course we let out of towners know months ago, as soon as we set a date.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1823 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    As long as the guests don’t know they are B list and you don’t make them feel like second class citizens, I think this is okay. But you shouldn’t invite people any closer than 6 weeks out and they should be treated the same as your other guests in terms of receiving a real invitation and having time to RSVP. Doing anything else is very rude and gift grabby. An informal invitation very close to the wedding date would make me feel like the couple either didn’t actually want me to come but wanted a gift, or the couple is self absorbed and thinks that being invited to their wedding, even as a second tier guest, is some great honor.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    if you were the guest, are you really saying you’d rather not be invited and that you’d be offended if you received a late invite to a former classmate or co-worker’s wedding?

    Yes.  Exactly.  I would prefer to not be invited.  If I am not close enough to be your first choice (and if you have a small wedding that chance may be slim) then I don’t want to go to be a seat filler/extra gifter.
    Especially as you talk about former classmates, etc.  If we aren’t close I would rather not go. 
    I don’t think of it as some great honour, the way many bees do.  I actually find it inconvinient, but go to support my loved one.  If you were just some old friend I don’t feel the need to go support you.  I have a lot going on in my personal life, and it is a sacrifice for me to give it up.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I don’t think B lists are rude.  I can think of a few couples where I might fall on their B list, and I’m okay with that.  Not everyone has an unlimited budget or unlimited space, and I’m not everyone’s bestest friend.  There are plenty of people who I’d love to share my wedding with who I just can’t afford to invite unless we have cancellations.

    Nobody’s obligated to attend your wedding, especially not on late notice.  Don’t want to spend your time at a wedding that you were B-listed at?  Politely decline, no big deal.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2056 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think you said it perfectly– frame it as, we have more room than we thought and we’d love to have you join us.  Esp once you’ve planned a wedding– everyone gets numbers/budget constraints.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I agree, I think it’s okay. People are understanding. And if they’re not, then that’s their problem! There is a polite way to do it. I am appreciating this advice in advance!

    Post # 16
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think if you’re upfront with them and explain you would have loved to invite them in the first place but had restraints etc i think they will be fine with it. My FSIL invited two people the day of her wedding!! two guests had rsvp’d yes and the day of they cancelled and said they couldn’t make it, so FSIL invited family friends, my FI and her other sister are close with them, but she’s not as close with them which is why they didn’t get an invite originally, but she knew they were the type of people who wouldn’t be offended, she explained the situation and they were pleased to get an invite regardless of how it happened!

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