What is/was the most stressful part of wedding planning for you?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LilySarah:  Dealing with my mother and invitations

I thought that I would be stressed about the wedding more than I was, but the guest list, seating arrangements, flowers etc-that was a piece of cake

My mother is very selfish and gave me lip about everything and when I got upset she said that I am being a brat, yada yada yada.

Invitations- I brought them to the postal office and asked if I have enough postage, and she said yes. Well, I sent them out and by the end of the week we started getting invitations back saying that there wasn’t enough postage. Some got lost, and I ordered extra invites for that reason but I ended up having not enough extras to send out!!!! So I had to send back the ones they sent back to us which I was upset about bc they were ruined, and ripped, the actual invite was still intact. But it was embarrassing. Thankfully, it was only about 15 invites-everyone else got theirs.

 

Post # 4
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

@LilySarah:  The most stressful part is all the negative comments from FI family.  “Your spending that much?” “Well, (FI’s sister) didn’t do it like that” I could go on and on really, but instead of getting upset and saying what I wanted to some of the comments, we are just going to Vegas!

I have a small family.  When we were doing it here the “traditional” way we had 100 guests and 9 of them were mine, including 3 of the bridal party! I never wanted a traditional wedding, and thankfully FI is in agreement now.  

We have 16 people coming to Vegas with us, and I am happy with the way things are turning out now!

Bridesmaid dresses were stressing me out too!  I can’t see to get my MOH/BFF to find time to go look/try on dresses, but we still have some time and it’l work out!

 

Just remember this is your and FI’s day and to pick your battles.  What is more important to you guys?  

Post # 5
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I found the initial budget conversations to be incredibly stressful. After that, it was finding a venue to accomodate our 150 guests within a relatively small budget. 

Mostly everything else after that has been smooth sailing, although it took me three months to find a dress!

Post # 6
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I found the initial budget conversations to be incredibly stressful. After that, it was finding a venue to accomodate our 150 guests within a relatively small budget. 

 

Mostly everything else after that has been smooth sailing, although it took me three months to find a dress!

 

Post # 7
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@LilySarah:  For me it’s been all the details. Everytime I mention something like ‘I think we’re going to…xyz’ my MIL or Grandma or whoever then try to convince me its too much work and I won’t care on the day if that detail is there or not. It is driving.me.insane. I want my day to be great and I’m willing to put the work in! I don’t understand this ‘it’s too much work’ mentality.

Post # 8
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

My family being selfish & not realize this isn’t about them. They’ve complained about everything (my dad & stepmom) and they are making me feel bad for even wanting a wedding. And FI and I have been together for almost 9 years & the wedding is a year & a half away. Why not just let us have OUR time?! It shouldnt be this way & its friggin frustrating!!

Post # 9
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Right now, finding a venue and having the funds to book said venue! 

Post # 10
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It was pretty smooth… we were gifted almost enough money to cover a fairly modest wedding, the guest list wasn’t a hassle, both families were really supportive and excited, kept it simple with no wedding party, etc.

The hardest part was knowing how all the DIY and setup was going to happen the weekend of.  Our venue was pretty bare bones, so we brought in all the pieces separately (tent, caterer, shuttle, DIY bar and cocktail hour food, DIY decorations, all DIY flowers out of my parents’ garden).  We recruited a lot of people to help, but there were just SO many moving pieces, it was pretty stressful that week of.  

But our crew of volunteers got everything done and it was perfect in the end!

Post # 11
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For me, the hardest part was creating the seating assignments!

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LilySarah:  For me it’s just the budget. It’s not too stressful but it is a palpable background stressor.

My family and everyone else is being chill so far. My family is a big believer that weddings should be easy/breezy so we are all well behaved thus far. We have the guest list all ironed out- my folks only added one couple and didn’t complain when i didn’t extend the invites to every blood relative on earth. Phew.

Post # 13
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

For me it was definitely the first couple weeks.

  • Everyone thinking that May 2015 is so far away. But when I went to go look at my favorite venue, they only had one weekend free in May or June 2015.
  • Getting a rough budget number out of everyone. I didn’t need anyone to contribute, but I needed to know how much money I had to work with before I could start looking/putting down deposits.
  • The Government shutdown happend right as we were putting down deposits on our venue and photographer, so I thought we were going to lose our date.
  • Hearing from FI’s parents that spending “x” is “way too much for _________ (insert service here). They keep comparing it to his cousin’s wedding, so I e-mailed her to see how much she spent on her photographer in particular — we’re spending $500 less.

Now that we’re more into the finer details I guess? It’s a lot easier.

Post # 14
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s so interesting to see what everyone else has to say! I completely agree with you all about the stress. The funny thing is that my fiance has friends who got engaged a couple weeks before us, but they have the wedding pretty much planned out because she had been engaged before and had already planned out a wedding! So they knew what they wanted — They still bickered a lot, though, becuase she has expensive tastes. My fiance and I both agreed that when we started planning we would stop if anything became stressful and make sure we were having fun the whole time.

Well – so much for that.

When we first started planning, I waited about a month or so before I finally was pressured to start looking. All of the venues were pretty much booked so I started panicking that I wouldn’t find anything! The ones we were finding were super expensive and then everyone kept telling me “Well, you have to stay within the budget!” like I purposefully was trying to find venues that were expensive. That was stressful – I had to sit my fiance, mother and father down and talk to them about how they were speaking to me about the budget. I felt like I was being blamed, but I’m not the one who even wanted a big wedding! So it’s like they were telling me to orchestrate this big thing and then stay within this tiny budget.

And then like @beeintraining, now people are telling me we have plenty of time to make decisions – and we don’t. Places are calling me back and telling me they are all booked up through next year. So when I say we should start looking into things everyone tells me to relax and figure it out in a couple months. I also work several jobs so I only get about 1 night off a week to do wedding things.

So I tell them I’m stressed because things are booking up, nobody is helping me plan/research/make decisions and speaking to me rudely about the budget – so then my dad tells me to just get eloped. When he’s one of the people who asked for a nice wedding. I looked at him like he was crazy – because honestly sometimes I feel like it would be better. My only problem with getting eloped is that it makes it so much about my fiance and me, when I think weddings are really about bringing the families together and having your family/friends stand beside you as a couple and vow that they will support you through your marriage. I feel if I went and got eloped, we are telling friends/family that they are not important pieces to our relationship and the family we want to build.

Post # 15
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

CATERING. Between having to drive two hours to meet with people who never got back to us, and dealing with people who thought we would be willing to pay more than $9k for 75 people to eat (and that’s with NO booze or cake), and a whole lot of “yeah, we don’t do that” when I wanted to change the rather bland and cookie cutter offerings of some places, I’m surprised I have any hair left at all.

Post # 16
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Mine is worrying about the IL’s who suggested and offered to pay for the venue because they didn’t want to have it at their house (another one of their suggestions). FMIL hasn’t put a deposit on it yet to hold the date, and I feel too weird reminding them of it. I am going to ask FI to ask them about it, but he is notorious for avoiding confrontation and will say “Raylene29 wants to know if you’re going to put the deposit down on it yet?”

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