What kind of a person treats his Mum like this?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

” I need a new family!!”

…If this is the worst of your family drama, count your lucky stars. Seriously.

It sounds like all the children of the family are grown adults, yes? Then they can make grown-up decisions, and if he wants to spend time with the father who he had less time with as a child, that is fine, and his choice. He may have a completely different perspective on how his relationship with his father was as a child and how he feels about that. My parents were mostly sucky at parenting — I don’t care much for them, but my brother on the otherhand can’t seem to get away from my train-wreck of a father. I don’t hold that against him.

It may seem crappy to you, but I don’t really think it is worth getting so huffed up over.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  urchin.
Post # 4
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Could it be that you don’t know everything about what is going on between your mom and your brother? Maybe there’s a disagreement they’ve left you out of because it’s between the two of them or something along those lines. What I’m saying is don’t assume you know everything about the situation. Your mom and your brother have something to work out. Don’t make matters worse by drawing lines in the sand.

Post # 5
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


You don’t know the intricacies of their relationship, so I’d be careful about choosing sides and involving yourself in a matter that is not yours to involve yourself in. It may seem wrong to you, but again.. You don’t know the full story.

Post # 6
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Familial relationships are always complicated, and you don’t know all the details. Clearly, you’re on your mom’s “side”, which may be part of the reason your brother won’t talk to you right now. He’s a grown man, and he’s allowed to make his own choices on who he has a relationship with. If you want a relationship with your brother, you’ll have to accept that he’s close to your father, and not your mother. If you’re OK with that, then you may want to extend the olive branch, and realize that parents are just a subject to avoid. You have no idea what happened between them, and you likely never will. Everyone has their own version of why the falling out and reconciliation occurred.

Post # 8
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Jeo4500:  I can’t imagine why he would think you were ignorant to his GF who happened to be another race…

The position your mom is putting you in isn’t fair. You are getting her side of the story only. IF you want a relationship with your brother you need to do so and focus only on that relationship. Stay out of his relationship with your mom and dad.

Post # 9
2072 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Jeo4500:  well, your brother may be on to something…you referring to his girlfriend as “coloured” is kind of telling…I’m not sure where you are from, so it may be different where you are from, but in many places that term hasn’t been used in 40 years. I also don’t understand why you would even need to mention her race in your post above. I think saying you feel like he was over sensitive about his ex girlfriend would have sufficed. Clearly there are 2 sides to this story.

Post # 11
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Jeo4500:  hi not to sound “snarky” but I’m from the UK and was taught- at least what my teacher said- that it wasn’t right to use coloured To describe someone. 

anyways, again Im echoing the previous bees, obviously you don’t know the whole side. if your brother wishes to pursue a relationship with his dad then he is free to do so. X

Post # 12
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’ve lived in the UK for 30 years now, and I would never have dared to use the word ‘coloured’. 

My mother has demanded that myself and my two brother have no relationship with our father for 25 years now.  The only thing he did wrong was to divorce her.   I’m 45, and I’m pissed off with both of them for the way they behaved when their marriage ended.  

It was his birthday, he gets to chose where he spends it.  He’s decided he wants a relationship with your father.  Perhaps he was worried what your mother’s reaction would have been if he’d left her place to go back to his father’s during that weekend, and decided to avoid the drama?  

Anyway, in the end, it’s all his business.   You and your other brother need to mind your own. 


Post # 13
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As someone adopted who has both a bio family and an adoptive family (almost like a divorce, because of my age of adoption) I do not tell my adoptive family if I go and see a bio relative.  Usually, it’s during a visit to my adoptive family

My mom and dad (adoptive) have every reason to hate my bio aunts and uncles, not for anything they did, but for their lack of doing something.

Your brother is OBVOUSLY going through something.  He is very sensitive and hurting.  You are not your brother, people handle things differently.  Your mom might not be 100% honest with you either, either with intent or by omission.

I can’t blame the guy for being sensitive and then wanting to focus all of his attention on a parent who’s apparently estranged.  You can’t just “get on a bus and pop downtown” you’re either focused on the person or not, especally in the early stages of re-building a relationship.  Then your mom is sending him a ton of stuff, which, quite frankly is probably overwhelming.

Let your poor brother handle his life on his own.  He dosn’t need his mother up his dung hole and his siblings saying nasty things about him.  If my parents and brothers ever acted that way I’d avoid them, too.

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