what level of involvement did your parents and in-laws have in your wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents – foot the bill for basically everything. Mom went dress shopping with me, parents went to look at venue and menu tasting with us. My mom helped me decide on centerpieces we bought from Michael’s. We invited about 80% of the guests that they ask be invited

His parents – foot the alcohol bill and rehearsal dinner, came to menu tasting. We invited about 80% of the guests they asked for as well. His mom helped set up the morning before for about 30 mins (all it took)

Total we had 300 people, majority family, about 40 of my parents friends, 30 of DH’s parents friends<br />I didn’t feel that we made any sacrifices and everyone seemed to be very content with everything. It was definitely stress-free for everyone

 

Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

My parents and in-laws really aren’t involved and I can’t point to any requests or sacrificies.  This is how my FI and I wanted things though, so I don’t feel slighted in any way.  We did give both sets of parents the opportunity to make sure that everyone that they wanted to invite was on the guest list (within reason…aunts, uncles, first cousins, and long time close family friends).

My parents did pay for my dress and veil and they are hosting the bridal shower with my MIL also co-hosting in name primarily.

Post # 4
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents paid for a large chunk of the wedding, and a large chunk of the wedding guests were their friends/co-workers. My mom helped choose the venue, and both parents came to the caterer’s tasting and helped choose the menu items. We were completely in agreement with all those things, so I wouldn’t say any sacrifices were made there. My mom also went dress shopping with me. She was SO much help crafting things for the wedding decor! Dad also pitched in with helping me coordinate travel arrangements for the guests.

His parents paid for the rehearsal dinner but were not really involved with any of the planning of that (their choice). They had some say in the guest list invited but other than that really did not participate in much wedding planning. DH’s sister was getting married about three months before us so their focus was naturally on that wedding.

 

Post # 5
Member
6621 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We told our parents when and where to show up- that was the level of their involvement. We both had good jobs and saved for the wedding we wanted and didn’t have to sacrifice anything.

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We were responsible for our entire wedding, both in planning and in financing it. Our families were not permitted any input in anything. As independent adults, we do not allow them input in any other part of our life, so why would we allow them input in our wedding?

Post # 7
Member
2817 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

eeniebeans:  exactly that.

My parents attended and my dad walked me down the aisle. His parents both attended and his mom gave a toast. That’s about it.

As far as requests, my MIL invited a bunch of people to my bridal suite the day before the wedding to surprise me with some cultural custom. It was a nice enough idea, but I had other plans and had to turn them all away. My mother requested that I invite one of her friends to the wedding. I did no such thing. 

Post # 8
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

They were barely involved. My mom paid for about $300 in alcohol, and the IL’s paid for $200 of flowers. Everything else [of our 18k wedding] was paid for by us.

I cut my mother out of the planning almost from the beginning when she was being horrible about what kind of wedding I wanted. [I’ve said this a million times on the bee since it happened – but she told us to have a KFC catered, backyard wedding, because [her words] “it was good enough for her, it should be good enough for me”]. She was pretty bitter from the time we got engaged, though. She never congratulated us, her first words when we told her we were engaged was, “I don’t have any money, you know that”. I never asked, hinted or even thought that she would contribute much of anything, she’s just really rude like that.

I kept MIL in the loop because she seemed very interested. She would call/text/facebook/email me asking details about the wedding and she got really excited about things, but she never offered to help plan anything, and I didn’t ask. I just kept her informed of decisions.

Post # 9
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Both sets of parents helped us financially with the wedding, but did not ask for anything in terms of planning – it was our wedding, and they just wanted to help us have a nice day.  Both sets of parents ended up giving us what amounted to around 30% of our total costs (including the honeymoon).  We used my parents’ contribution to pay for food and alcohol at the reception, and DH’s parents’ contribution to pay for our honeymoon.

They were all interested in hearing about our planning, but other than that weren’t very involved.  My mother (and SILs) went dress shopping with me, and my mom helped me with some DIY projects.

Post # 10
Member
2749 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My parents; Made guest list for their side.  Paid for a majority of guest related things (food, venue).  My mom went wedding dress and bridesmaid dress shoping with me.  She also made the majority of our decorations and made a few alterations to a flower girl dress I found.   I am so glad for that as I don’t have a crafty bone in my body, and she is really good at that stuff!  My dad’s brother was our officent, so he helped communicate with him about a lot of things on that end.

DH’s parents; made thier guest list for their side.  They paid for the rehersal dinner.  DH’s mom was invited to do somethings with us, like look at bridesmaid dresses, but didn’t make it.  They weren’t really that involved, but not on purpose, just did not have a lot to add. 

Post # 11
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

happybunny177:  My parents are paying about 75% and the in-laws are paying the other 25%. My mom and FMIL were there when I chose my dress, other than that they haven’t been involved. They both know I like to do things myself and if I need help, I’ll ask. I can’t think of any requests they’ve made either.

Post # 12
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

 

happybunny177:  My mom gifted us $7000, his parents gifted us $5500 and we paid about $8000 ourselves. We choose the venue but didn’t make a deposit to sign anything without letting them look at it. His parents came to the tasting and both Moms went dress shopping with my and my BM’s. I get along great with his parents and my mom love them as well so it’s been a very easy process. His parent invited about 20 people and my mom invited 10. His mom made reservations and paid for all hotel rooms for OOT guest (her family) and his parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. Both parents ask how the planning and process is going (I’m doing a bunch of DIY stuff) but they haven’t forced anything on us they just like to be kept in the loop. His dad was jokingly upset we didn’t invite him to the cake testing (only because he LOVES sweets) so I bought him 1cupcake of each flavor we are having in out cupcake tower. There are a few aspects we don’t tell him because we want it to be a surprise for them the day of.

Post # 13
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

happybunny177:  

His parents: offered to do rehearsal dinner (well, insisted). I’ve been sending pictures occasionally of what we’re planning on to his mom for thoughts. His dad has offered logistical advice. 

My parents: paid for my dress, gave us a check to pay for probably 1/4 of the wedding (including dress). Dad has offered logistical advice (esp for music and beer) My mom….well, she yo-yos back and forth between being a pissy snot and sobbingly sad. Sometimes she offers good advice on our decor thoughts, but half the time she just rolls her eyes and gets all snippy. *shrug* Right now she’s in a tizzy because of the guest list and the fact that she does not get to invite 70 people to a 100 person wedding. They physically will not fit on the boats. *sigh*

My grandparents have continuously offered support and tried to give us money a ton, but we have’nt accepted any money from them. My gramma has been awesome in terms of support and advice, and that’s really all I need. Grandpa has provided comedic relief, as he has decided that he is going to show up in a camoflage Speedo and connive the minister into holding a shotgun. 

 

We are paying 75% at least ourselves. We chose all the details, with some input from the parental units. His parents just like to be kept up to date, my dad likes to as well, my mom can’t decide if she wants to know or not. We signed on the venue without their ‘permission’, as my mom was very, very set on us having a giant church wedding with a hotel reception just like they did, and we wanted nothing to do with that. My dad really loves the venue, as does FI’s parents. We have let them know about every other vendor though. We are having our family friend/family pastor officiate, and a family friend will be asked to do the cupcakes we’re planning on, so my mom’s very happy there. 

Post # 14
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

happybunny177:  My parents paid for the wedding, so they had a lot of input.

Some things that we did for them:

Had a full Mass rather than just the wedding ceremony in the Catholic Church.

I wore a white(off white) dress.

We had some macro beers at the reception.

 

All in all, it was fun planning it with my mom and dad!

My mother in law helped a bit with guest list things, but wasn’t too involved.

Post # 15
Member
7755 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

My parents are paying for the vast majority of the wedding, so I care what they think. Even if they weren’t paying id want their approval. I certainly wouldn’t have invited alllll their friends but I don’t care, FI and I are Leos aka not shy and very social so a big wedding doesn’t bother us. More the merrier, I wanted the parents to be able to invite everyone they wanted. 

Every wedding decision goes through my mom, but lucky for me we are just perfectly inline when it comes to the “wedding vision” and she agrees with me most always. My mom also helps me not go off the rails “no you cant have little gold animal figurine escort cards. This is not a zoo wedding” ha. 

FIL doesnt care, MIL doesnt butt in and is thrilled with all the plans. She let us pick the rehearsal dinner spot too. Her and FFIL also threw us an amazing fancy engagement party, are paying for the wedding booze, rehearsal din, and the bus for a bourbon tour the day before. 

I feel like the luckiest bride alive to have 100% support and 0% adversity in the parental wedding department.

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