- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Not to encite a mob, but I'm just curious why this seems to uproot so many negative emotions on the bee. I've been honest in posts about the cost of my moissanite & the cost of my future setting, and so far I haven't gotten any lashings about. Perhaps it was the context in which I shared the information. I'm not sure. But I just think it's somewhat unbelievable that people get so riled up about sharing this information. It don't see much of a difference between sharing actual stats & saying a ring is from Tiffany's, because as a rule we all know that Tiffany rings are worth bookoo bucks.
It would be different if people walked around sharing such information IRL, but this is a site about all things wedding & marriage related. It seems like such information as this would be accepted and not so offensible.
Share your opinions please! This includes anybody & everybody, even if my recent post have struck a nasty cord with you. I'm genuinely interested in the dynamics of it all.
Thanks for your opinions in advance!
Perhaps it was the context in which I shared the information.
^I'd say it's exactly that.
I don't see any issue with it, if it's in a situation where it's warranted. Granted, I've been pretty absent from Weddingbee as of late (Yeah, considering my last post I made was about being sick of planning, go figure) so I have no idea what thread you're talking about or what context it was in.
Anyways. I think if that's what the topic is about or if someone asks, it's totally both warranted and normal. Now if in every thread about someone's ring they were like "This is my ring that cost X amount and that makes it super awesome!" Then I'd be like Okay, I get it already, but I don't imagine I'd lash out. A lot of this may have to do with me generally not giving a crap how much more or less someone's ring costs than mine. Lol.
I just think it's unnecessary. Unless the thread is something like "post your ring, stats, and cost!" no one needs to know anything other than that it's pretty.
It's not offensive, per se. But there are lots of threads that are strictly for that purpose.
You know--"Hey what's everyone got? Let's show them off!"
The thread you're referring to wasn't one of those. It never asked about anyone else, just shoved down everyone's throats how great OPs ring was.
So, yeah...it was show-offy and it left a bad taste in people's mouths. Including mine.
But then again I'll repeat what I put on the other thread, that poster has made TWO POSTS. Both talking about how her ring is better blah blah, and hasn't said anything else anywhere else. Nor has she re-appeared. Looks like her aim was simple. She stirred the pot well.
I agree....how is posting the price of your ring ANY different than all the threads about costs of dress, budget, catering, flowers, etc? I have seen SO MANY posts about costs of dresses, it makes me sick! lol Why is it such a sore subject when it comes to rings?? I just don't get it! And it's always the ones who have an expensive ring that get blasted, get called "spoiled, bragger, boaster, etc." We are all... in a sense...."bragging" when we share exciting details about our rings or dresses!
I read that post...and she did not say that her ring was "better". She said she gets a lot of compliments on it, got a good deal on it, and was suprised that she liked it since it was significantly smaller than she thought she wanted. Quality vs. Quantity is what she said.
I don't get why we ladies generally (WARNING blanket statement) can't talk about rings without it turning into a fight/argument/general unpleasantness.
I swear. I have no data to back this up, I don't think there is a need to collect it, but it seems like the majority of posts about rings end up nasty somehow somewhere. Many times I'm left wondering "WTF? How did this even happen?"
Then again, perhaps I am only reading the ring threads with drama. *shrug*
(a) context, (b) tone in which the information is shared, (c) sometimes people randomly (it seems to me) get offended/annoyed by a posting which seems to me to be perfectly polite and well intentioned. Once that happens, loads of other people jump on the bandwagon and the poster gets a whole load of aggro they weren't expecting. (I'm thinking of a specific thread a month or so ago, not the most recent one which I haven't read fully.)
@jenroh1984: So far we seem to share the same ideas :]
To the rest of the contributers, I appreciate the input! Granted, my post was in response to a recent dispute, but I was posting, for the most part, about this topic because I was curious about it in general, even before this whole recent issue came up.
I think I'm just really open about money because I grew up that way, not to mention we were NEVER a keep up with the Jones kinda group. I think it's interesting and help to hear costs and stats because it gives me a better idea of the ring in question, and I'm not a jealous type.
Anywho thanks so much again & I hope to keep receiving feedback!
@jenroh1984: Speaking solely for myself here, it is most definitely not jealousy.
I hate when people use that as a way to explain away people being anything other than nice.
I don't understand why people las out but at the same time I don't understand why it matters where our rings were bought, the size or type or presence of a stone, and especially how much it cost. I like to give the hive the benefit of the doubt and believe we all love our rings more for what they stand for. Not any of the "stats". I love my ring because it has meaning. I love my ring because Mr. Hedgie gave it to me and when he looked at it he saw me. I know where it came from. I don't know how much it cost or the exact stone size, clarity, or anything like that. Not really important. What is MOST important is that when I look at it I get excited knowing that it means Mr. Hedgie and I are getting married! At that moment, nothing else matters.
Okay, maybe I personally have no problem with stat & worth rattling because I LOVE jewelry in general and typically stalk the betterthandiamond forums as much as possible. Maybe I was wrong in assuming that total transparency was acceptable on the hive, even when it comes to finances..? But if that is the case, why is it any more acceptable to talk about any other costs, such as floral or dress, on the bee?
@KatNewby: I think there is a fundamental diference. One was a gift out of love and the rest is just planning. When somebody else gives you a gift any other time do we spend time focusing on quality and price or do we just accept the gift for what it is? A gift.
I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't really care if someone states how much their ring cost, and I don't get jealous... I generally don't think anything of it.
I do, however, think it kind of removes the romance of it all. What was intended to be a token of commitment, love and promise is now a piece of metal with a rock and a price and statistics. This is the most important piece of jewelry I own, and yes, it's also the most expensive, but that's not the point. This ring is a symbol of my past, present and future with my fiance, and to share with strangers that it cost $X,XXX just kind of... takes the magic out of it a bit. Yeah, I've shared the cut/clarity/color, but not the price. I feel like the price aspect can easily be found using google.
Does that make ANY sense? Maybe not. ha It's been a long day.
I never participate in the ring threads but that's just me. In my culture, the way I was raised, it's considered tacky to be talking about your jewelry and how much it costs. Especially when it's an e-ring, it's a gift and something between the couple. My mom was thrown off at first when DH (then FI) was showing my ring to them and talking about the 4C's because he was really proud of having chosen it himself. I had to explain to her it's an American thing. I don't have a problem when other people share theirs, I understand things are different for different cultures, but I still have no interest in reading about them so I skip over those posts.
I think if it's genuine interest and having a poll is better if you're wanting stats. But if it's out of pride/arrogance, most of the time this is seen and it royally pisses others off.
I honestly dont care if people post stats/price about their ring. Who cares? If you dont care then ignore it, remember its just the internet. If you are happy with your ring and what it symbolizes why worry about what others have to say about their rings? This is a wedding board, would this not be the place to talk about your ring?
Honestly, I think its just that nobody likes to hear bragging. There's a difference between "I love my ring so much, here's picture" and then answering questions when people ask and "This is my 1.5 carat perfect cut 20k ring" when nobody asked... we like rings because they're pretty and our FI gave them to us, right? So why bring up unless somebody asks?
When someone off the bat immediately says the stats and cost of their ring, it comes off braggy and materialistic instead of excited and happy.
I will not give stats unless asked, in which case I don't care.
If money is on the table to discuss, no problem. Tell me how much your flowers cost or your dress cost, if someone has asked for the sake of planning their own wedding. But to me, telling someone what your ring cost when no one asked is like announcing your salary.Why would anyone be interested in what your ring cost?
The post in question was just weird, not sure why it's being fixated on/ taken so seriously...
This is not a jewelry forum. It's a wedding forum. As pp mentioned, immediately coming on and shoving the stats and cost of your ring on a post is not expected/ the norm/ appropriate. If someone asks and you feel comfortable sharing, sure, but that's not what we're all here for.
A lot of women (note: definitely not everybody, but probably a majority) tend to be competitive, and subsequently jealous & catty with other women. And I feel like a wedding messgae board just exemplifies this, seeing as a wedding is one of the most materialistic experiences of anybody's life. In that context it makes sense that an already competitive creature would only become more jealous/catty seeing somebody who has something bigger/better.
Personally, I love seeing rings and knowing their stats, and I'm sad over the adverse reaction people are getting for having. I used to come here all the time to check out rings but the cattiness has made me less inclined over te past few months. And now I'm reading this :( makes me ashamed to be female tbh.
I think it is natural for women to get excited about their rings. It is considered in poor taste to share the cost of your ring and brag about the size, but I figure, hey, do your thing.
I love my ring because it is mine and he spent months researching and learning about diamonds and handpicking what I would like. For me, the sentimental value is more important than any dollar amount.
But I suppose some people get offended because some of those posts where people mention the cost and size of their ring come off as materialistic and showy.
Unfortunately some people just say things the wrong way. The intention is genuinely pure but the result is misrepresented. I try to take everything with a "grain of salt" and give the benefit of the doubt, especially because I dont know that person and I'm not in their head. When we get excited about something we can all get carried away at one time or another. <3
@cyrgycyrg: Totally agree. Sometimes the things we say about ANY topic can rub people the wrong way because of our delivery, but like you said, I usually try to take it with a grain of salt. Things happen, and I definitely feel like the internet is a place of MUCH less boundaries on discussion than in real life. I agree that if MANY of the topics here on weddingbee were discussed IRL, that they would be tasteless and boastful.
But this IS the place for all things wedding, and the lack of boundaries on speech here is something that I LOVE. But I'm really tired of seeing people raise fits about being politically correct. I think in the end I just have a problem seeing somebody ganged up on for something that likely could be simple excitement. But if I'm trying to speak on the behalf of free speech, then even the haters have the right to do their thing I guess...
I don't get offended, I just don't care. I don't care about the 4 C's of your ring, I don't care that you like quality over size (doesn't everyone say that anyway) and I certainly don't care how much it costs.
Is it shiny? That's pretty much all I care about, I have the attention span of a gnat and the eyes of a magpie ;-)
Yes and no.
I got stung by Bees yesterday because I worded something badly. If I was having a conversation with those same Bees in person, they wouldn't of even had an issue with it because they would have seen my face and heard my tone. Over the net, there is no emotion or tone to go by so if something is written in such a way that it can be taken in a different manner, you run that risk.
So I almost think you have to check and balance and choose your words *more* carefully on the net with strangers than you would in real life with friends, or even a stranger.
My thoughts are this is a message board. You pretty much know what kind of thread it will be based on the title and you can always just avoid it. There are definitely a few people on here that like to start drama and I think people need to understand that except for the occasional troll, no one starts a thread thinking "oo, let me see if I can get Wb all riled up!" If someone wants to be materialistic and showy, let them. You don't have to become the morality police and tell them how wrong they are. I think the best thing is to not comment and pretty soon the thread goes away. However, once someone claims to be offended, a riot starts and everyone feels the need to throw in their 2 cents, even if it is repeated 1000 times. There are plenty of unanswered questions on the website and real advice that people are looking for.
If you want to post your ring stats and info, go for it.
There is a time and a place. It's useful info on review posts or photo posts, but annoying when it's like "I just got engaged! I'm so happy! He got me a Tiffany, 2ct flawless diamond and it cost him $30,000! He loves me so much! Oh! And the diamond was flown in STRAIGHT from the African mine they found it in! Only the best for me! Tee hee!"
@Miss Tattoo: My thoughts exactly.
I honestly don't know how much my ring cost and I don't really care.
That goes double for other's rings. I just like the pictures lol
As a new bee around these parts I have to say that I never find someone posting specific prices or stats offensive.
Sure it can come across as a little boastful but tbh I don't really let it bother me. I would probably feel they were being more openly materialistic than is necessary but hey, that's just the way some people are.
As has been stated by the OP, I actually quite to read about the 4C's as I have a genuine interest in specs, different stones and jewellery in general. So someone posting stats about their ring isn't a problem from my point of view.
Really, who are we to go in and 'set the poster straight' and call them shallow? skim the title and move on if it doesn't interest you.
And if you don't like how a paticular poster conducts themselves on the board, simple don't read their threads/posts.
There are 3 or 4 Bees who as soon as I see they've responded last, or if they created the thread I just keep on surfing, because I can't stand reading their posts.
i don't think there is anything with sharing stats, but only if it's warranted (like all of the other PP's have said). I just feel like a ring is something very symbolic between you and your FI... why do you need to brag and share the details to everyone else? it's a token between two people... no one else.
if someone asks, or if there is a specific thread about it for some reason, then i think it's fine. other than that, it just seems like bragging.
@Miss Tattoo: Your posts always give me the lolz :)
I think it's not offensive either way, but what's the point? To make sure everyone knows a ring was expensive? I guess I just never really discuss the monetary value of things; it's just not important unless I'm researching. If it's a post where someone is researching, though, then it makes sense to discuss costs.
Wow. I was not offended by that post at all and I'm a little shocked at how it all blew up. I think that she's just excited because she just got engaged. And I don't feel that she was being rude, materialistic or bragging etc.
@KatNewby: Well, first I'd say that this thread is a terrible idea. It's just asking for trouble and is going to turn into a big snarky debate. I'd close it early, before you get pummeled.
As for the ring debate, my two cents is that the ring is supposed to be about you and your man, and your love. When you show off your ring, as in, I'M ENGAGED, LOOK AT MY RING AND THIS IS MY STORY! (I know you didn't say that, just making an example), I personally would emphasize how excited I am to be marrying my love. That's just me though. I do agree, however, that WB is a place to share details about all things weddings. The ring is a big part of the wedding, and off the cuff, we're all secretly wondering about the specs of everyone's rings (K, speaking for myself there, lol). Sometimes I'll open a post and think "Pretty! I wonder what size it is....". I think it's bridal instinct. haha.
Also, other brides can get jealous, especially over rings. If your ring is better than theirs, they're having a bad day, etc...they might just take it out on you. It's easy because it's anonymous.
@FutureMrsMcDermott: I don't know how to close a thread, but if it gets heated, which I haven't really seen much of yet, then I will have to figure out how to nip it in the bud.
Thanks for the imput, I'm still reading every post. It's interesting how much everybodies point of view varies!
Out of curiosity, does it seem more exceptable to write stats and value about rings when in the "RING" section?
Personally, I think it does. Also, I understand the point of view that if people are randomly posting pics of their ring and stats and value on someone else thread without being ask, it seems a little odd.. I just laugh & feel embarassed for ppl that do that :]
@KatNewby: It's generally acceptable if someone is asking you for stats, specifically, in the thread title and usually in the rings section. I think it gets heated when you make your own thread announcing your ring, and then go off about the price and specs. I'd say it's usually acceptable to post carat size in your own thread, but not in a braggy way. Sometimes when you post clarity stats and especially money (in your own thread), it can get heated. I'm not one to really give a care if a bee posts money/carat/etc specs, even in a braggy tone. I'm just speaking in general from what i've seen on the bee.
And as for this post getting heated- just wait until your original debaters come back and find this. Ohhhhh, lawd. lol.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rivierabridal | 3 |
| Potatoes | 1 |
| Ree723 | 1 |
| Regina Phalange | 1 |
| KatNYC2011 | 1 |
| BMORE SEXI | 1 |
| RobotBabooshka | 1 |
| chastenet | 1 |
| fresitachulita | 1 |
| Costa Rica Bride | 1 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| RobotBabooshka | 1 |
| JustLove25 | 1 |
